Let’s see if you have heard this joke.
A very shy guy goes into a nightclub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is completely embarrassed and slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which the guy responds loudly, “Two hundred dollars? Isn’t that too much for a night?”
Okay, so you have heard this one, but what is it that really embarrasses people? It could be a rambling spouse, an overbearing mother-in-law or an irritating sibling. For some it is a perceived flaw in their physical appearance. I know people who are embarrassed by their jobs, cars and residential addresses.
I guess a lot depends on your social circle and the insecurities brewing in the mind.
A sales representative working in LA recently revealed that she was ashamed of her Blackberry. She stopped pulling out her BlackBerry at cocktail parties and conferences, fearing that clients will see it and judge her. It’s amazing how Blackberries have slipped from their high societal perch with the arrival of other smart phones and androids.
It makes perfect sense to embrace technology for the want of utility but the mad race to acquire and flaunt the latest could be detrimental for those who are running the race. In the age of fast changing technology it’s tough to keep pace with the world. What was ‘in’ a few months ago is consigned to the dustbins of obsolescence by the onslaught of new technology.
I remember the same happened to the Fiat and Ambassador cars with the arrival of Maruti 800. When I was a teen, my dad bought his first car – a hugely curvaceous Hindustan 14 (It was said that Maharaja Holkar owned that car at some point of time).For an image conscious teen, my dad’s odd looking car was a huge embarrassment. For one, the mighty curves of Hindustan 14 made the voluptuous Ambassador look like size zero. And when most friends were zooming in their sleek Maruti’s, our royal blue vintage drew a lot of stares. I remember ducking and sitting hunched on the back seat each time dad came to pick me up from school.
Like my father, and unlike a certain coal minister, my husband too has a penchant for old stuff. I doubt if he will discard his BlackBerry soon despite the fact that it is not so ‘cool’ anymore. His logic being – It works just fine.
I too have come a long way since negotiating with those naive embarrassments. Today, brands and labels do not hold the same seductions. Yes, one does desire all that is new and stylish but the old need not be embarrassing. Being a woman and living in Gurgaon where the ‘show-off fest’ is on 24/7, it is hard to forego the appeal of all that is plush. But once you get comfortable and content in a particular zone, the list of embarrassments, if any, shrinks by the day.
At one level, there is relief in not really caring about what others think about you. There is no putting a price on that relief. However in a reality, I doubt if things work that way.
Picture Courtesy: Google Images/ psychologytoday.com
Picture Courtesy: facebook.coversdaddy.com
One has to hand it to novelist Gore Vidal for his candid quote, “Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.” Though most experience it, envy is an emotion people are normally wary of admitting. Call it the art of counting your neighbors blessings instead of your own, but measured in different degrees, most people envy their compatriots: more famous, more paid, more successful, and more intelligent. And stoking the fires of envy is Zuckerberg’s progeny. Recently a friend confessed that her daughter was troubled after pressing the ‘like’ button on the pictures of her friend vacationing in Mauritius. The girl felt she was missing out on opportunities. Likewise, several others resent their single status because friends regularly upload cozy pictures with partners. The thought, “Why should friends have all the fun?” can be distressing, especially if one keeps up with friends from childhood .The phenomenon is not restricted to impressionable teens. From what I hear from my son, the bonhomie between batch-mates was under duress when companies started visiting his college for placements. Who got what, and how much, was playing on the status bar. And on most minds!
Psychologists say, “Boasting on social media triggers the same sensation of pleasure as food, money or even sex.” Since self-disclosure is extra rewarding, it can instigate some kind of competition to highlight fun moments and achievements. I have indulged in some generic boasting too. This is not to say that all Facebook users intentionally indulge in a boasting spree. It is the nature of the medium. And also a matter of personal choice! Some do it inadvertently, some subtly while some blatantly. Bragging may or may not be playing on the mind of a friend who decides to post, “Gosh…There is a long queue for I Phone 5,” or, when a friend innocuously inquires “Anyone in UK this weekend? Shopping at Harrods?” The question that begs to be asked is: How real is the virtual world? Peel the layers and most are going through some sort of challenging life experience - stressful job, strained relationship, financial crisis, failed marriage, family feud, exam phobia, or health scare. Yet, how many wish to admit and discuss their personal challenges on a public platform? Have you come across a status message which reads, “Fired, Divorced, Abused, Failed or Depressed?” For one, there will be no ‘Likes’. Fine, some concerned friends will possibly move to the privacy of the message box and inquire, “What happened?” Some will try to cheer by sharing motivational pictures with the message, ‘Never Give Up’. But how many will call to say, “How can I help?” And if they do, thank the Lord for being blessed with such friends.To my mind, social media is an amazing platform for raising awareness, advertising, keeping up with school friends and venting ire against the establishment. Essentially, it is a platform for the good times. A place for social niceties. Start ‘disliking’ pictures or try being brutally honest and you are sure to be ‘un-friended’ and tossed away in the cyber space. What else can one expect after, “Is this your wife? Now I know why you wanted your marriage to be a private affair,” or “Congratulations on winning the award. I heard you paid your way through.”
Well, in a way, viewing happy status updates and photos of peers having a gala time can make one feel worse about their own life.
The trick is to realize that the greener grass on the other side could be an astro-turf. Like competition, as long as envy inspires, I don’t mind it at all. But add extra dollops and the risk is entirely yours. (This article has featured in the ‘Young Adult’ section of the newspaper ‘Friday Gurgaon’ dated 28 September 2012.)
