Ever since the opening of an email account, I have embraced the virtual world so devotedly that on days the internet is inaccessible, I feel a surge of uneasiness. However, I am still grappling with virtual etiquette. Given that several hours are spent interacting with people I have never met, there are bound to be misunderstandings and mistakes. Which is why, I have made some resolutions. Here we go.
I shall refrain from checking random videos and pictures while writing. It is a serious distraction. Plus ‘Liking’ can land one behind the bars.
I shall not display my wry wit and comment on status updates which are meant for a close group of old friends. Being impatient and emotional to boot, I often end up commenting on an impulse. Recently I saw pictures of a distant cousin and his girlfriend formally dressed (boy in a suit and the girl in a sari with henna on her hands). Imagining that they got engaged, I congratulated them effusively on Facebook. I goofed up big time! The pictures were clicked on Diwali and there was no engagement.
I shall refrain from mindless voting/ promoting/liking unless I genuinely like the thought, content or writing style. Please don’t hate me for my honesty. Just as we need to dilute the virtual venom, we also need huge dollops of honesty in the virtual world. Now, don’t tell me you are always honest in praise. Didn’t you press ‘Like’ on the picture of Bhatinda wali Buaji even though you thought she looked hideous in her new hairstyle?
I shall not be patient with virtual zombies who are neither bloggers nor readers but are deeply concerned about my well being. Perhaps fits of boredom can drive people to try their luck in the cyber world. Hope lies eternal. Keep throwing arrows. Will hit somewhere!
So each time the guy in Dubai pings, “How’s you? Wassup?” I shall not lose my cool. Just as I did today when I replied, “I am good. How are you?”
Imagine my surprise when the guy said, “You looks good.”
“How about you,” I asked.
“I look good too.”
“Since you look so good why not upload your real profile picture instead of Salman’s?”
“I look better than him.”
I ran out of patience after this. But this provided enough fodder for a post.
I shall not fret on extra righteous comments made on my articles which are meant to be witty or sarcastic. Some people take life rather seriously.
I shall not get pissed by a comment which says – ‘Nice Post’ and has a blog link suggesting/implying that it is now time for me to visit the link and reciprocate.
I shall never leave the cake in the oven when I am on the internet. The husband had to gulp the piece with great difficulty. I do feign innocence by saying that dishes get overcooked when I am busy with other chores. But I guess the family knows what exactly happens.
I shall listen to my mother carefully each time she calls and not quip, “Ma, I will call you back. I am writing,” even when I am Facebooking with utmost dedication. Later on this makes me more guilty than having too many chips.
Finally, I will give more importance to real friends. Yes, even though they have dropped me like a hot-potato and are busy rattling witty one-liners and liking posts of virtual friends. Isn't it safer to like and share in the real world?
Too many resolutions?. What the heck! Making them is always easy. Keeping them is tricky.
Image Courtesy: Google images/ www.dreamstime.com
(This article appeared in a newspaper called Friday Gurgaon dated 16 -11-2012. ).
In a national daily, noted film director and scriptwriter Vikram Bhatt started a debate when he said, “Marriage is a defunct and an outdated institution. Marriage is socially encouraged and legally accepted, and this makes the compulsion to stay in a marriage more important than being happy in a marriage.” According to him, the rules of marriage have been set on unequal grounds. He says that India has the lowest divorce rate of 1.1 per cent, the UK about 42.6 per cent and the US and Sweden at about 55 per cent. The more ‘progressive’ the society, the higher the divorce rate. He quotes an inebriated friend who says, “In a marriage, one persons got to dish out the bullshit and another persons got to take it, because if none of them takes it, and both dish it out, then there is just a pile of bullshit in the middle.”
Is Marriage really a defunct and outdated Institution?
I get a whiff of Bollywood-esque, over-the-top reaction when Mr. Bhatt debunks the institution of marriage and labels it as ‘outdated’. To my mind, we need to look at marriage from an angle other than that of the ‘progressive’ Bhatt prism.
Undoubtedly, marriage is a matter of personal choice. I have several friends who have chosen to remain single, and yet their faith in the institution of marriage remains unaltered.
Marriage as a concept, symbolizes civilization. Since it was necessary to provide legal and acceptable norms for a sustainable society, the institution of marriage became the building block of societies all over the world. Indeed, the world is more populous, more prosperous and more educated than ever before. With the concept of contraception coupled with a sense of individuality, people are compelled to ponder over the functionality of marriage.
Is marriage just a piece of paper? In the world of surrogate and single mothers, do we need fathers at all?
Many so called ‘progressive’ societies are debating such dilemmas. But it is for all to see that the social fabric of such ‘progressive’ societies is rotting. One such ‘progressive’ society has recently re-elected their President, who on the eve of winning hugged his wife and said, “We are one big American family and we will face things together.” In the same ‘progressive’ nation, same sex couples are fighting to legalize their marriage to make life long commitments. Perhaps togetherness and commitment are the key words. Marriage is all about facing the tumults of life together.
Needless to say, that the divorce rate is higher in ‘progressive’ societies, because women are becoming independent; financially and otherwise. As a result, several urban couples, wary of commitment are opting to co-habitate minus the ‘piece of paper’. However studies have shown that co-habiters break-up at a higher rate than the married couples. So clearly, children borne out of such arrangements face legal dilemmas and insecure futures. In general, children raised in happy married households are more likely to enjoy stable marriages as adults. Similarly, single adults are more likely to be depressed and lonely when compared to their married compatriots.
Being a part of a modern, progressive milieu, I wonder why Mr. Bhatt believes that the rules of marriage are set on unequal grounds. Unless one endorses the khaps, I fail to understand why Mr. Bhatt feels that women have to abandon their names and their future for the sake of husband and children. Ask Kareena Khan Kapoor! She was happily living together with her partner, so what prompted her to get married and accept subordination? And joining the bandwagon is new Mrs. SRK – Shilpa Raj Kundra. Who forced an independent minded Shilpa to change her name? I doubt if it was her docile husband.
Finally, Mr. Bhatt had an ‘Aha-moment’ – a moment of realization, when his inebriated friend dispensed pearls of wisdom, “Marriage is all about tolerating each other’s bullshit.”
Forget marriage, any meaningful relationship is all about tolerating ‘bullshit’. In sober terms, it essentially means providing emotional support when the partner is having an emotional outburst. On bad days giving ‘bullshit’ can be cathartic. And who takes the ‘bull shit’ unconditionally? Other than an understanding spouse or a loving mother I can’t think of anyone else!
Psychologists say that those who think that marriage is a ‘defunct-outdated institution’ are those who have had dreadful personal experiences with marriage. Perhaps, the inability to take responsibility for incompatibility compels people to look at an external locus of control. Yes, it makes sense to move on if two people are incompatible and the relationship is beyond repair. It also makes sense to remain single as a matter of personal choice. However, to junk the institution only because some marriages failed, is utterly presumptuous.
Debunk marriage as an institution and we are on a slippery slope of legal pandemonium and an unhappy society.
Image Courtesy : Google Images.www.voiceofsikkim.com
