Too Little, Too Late

Last week captured a true snapshot of the nations mind. 

Angry. Frustrated. 

Why is our leadership not in consonance with the national mood?

Why don't I believe them, when my leaders try to assure me?

Why do my fingers flip the channel each time I see them debating national issues on television?

When tragedy struck, Barack Obama addressed mourners after the shooting incident. Except that his countrymen did not have to sit on the streets for a week for him  to express solidarity. To show that the state cares.And he did not say, “I also have kids. What more can I do?”

What he said was, “I can only hope that it helps for you to know that you are not alone in your grief, that our world too has been torn apart. That all across this land, we have wept with you; we have pulled our children tight.  We are left with some hard questions. Can we honestly say that we’re doing enough, to keep our children, all of them, safe from harm? Can we say that we’re truly doing enough to give all the children of this country the chance they deserve to live out their lives in happiness and with purpose?” he asked. “I’ve been reflecting on this the last few days, and the answer is No.”

There was honesty and sincerity in his words. 

Why have we lost faith in our leaders? 
A brief look at what they said after the incident tells us why.

Our  Home minister said, “I have three daughters. What more can I do?”  After protests took an ugly turn, there were some forced remedial steps. 

Too little. Too late.

When asked why he refused to talk to the protesters, he equated Delhi-ites with Maoists. Seriously? Our leaders can address rallies called by their own party but cannot talk to aggrieved citizens? 

Our sensitive Chief Minister expressed helplessness. Isn’t her government ruling at the center? Surely the police was taking orders from somewhere. Who was controlling the situation which went out of hand? Why is that person not accountable?
 The Lieutenant Governor of Delhi was away and returned after the situation was diffused. Why? 

Meanwhile a day after the incident, the young CM of UP promised a job and money for the treatment of the brave girl. It was the regular sickening tossing of government jobs as largesse. In that moment what the girl needed was justice, not work. Plus, we are aware of his party's stand when it comes to issues related to women. So why the lip service?

While the outrage was brewing, the Dalit leader was busy canvassing for the Quota bill. While I understand  her agenda for the underprivileged, but on that unfortunate day, the most underprivileged girl was the one lying in the hospital. Since urban citizens are not her vote banks. So why bother?

Sushma Swaraj began doing what she does best. Rendering speeches. Soon politics took over and her supporters were seen shouting, ‘Shiela Dixit hai hai’. It was evident where her heart was. Why did she  allow her party's student wing to infiltrate a  non-political movement? 
Other  BJP leaders arrived on television wearing their  halos but did nothing to reach out to the protesters. If terror could not unite them, it is silly to expect them to come together on issues like rape.As expected they are happily playing politics with rape.

 In fact playing politics is the biggest game going around. And why not? It is the most profitable one.
So they are all queuing up to visit the distraught family.  For a photo opportunity, of course.Report
As the nation grappled with the insensitive comments, another MP added salt to the wounds by calling genuine protestors as 'dented painted' women. Do painted women have no right to protest?

After what happened in Delhi, perhaps what we need most are the judicial reforms and police reforms, hanging fire since Independence. It means insulation of police and judiciary from political interference in appointments, transfers, arrests and investigations.  But it is not easy to give away the reigns of control. Is it?  

More so if power comes without accountability.

This case was a tipping point. People are angry. They want action and not words. Next outrage could be for the lack of water or electricity supply. Who knows? 

Pic Courtesy: The economist.com (Google Pics)

Decoding Charm

I often hear Blackberry-punching, pen-wielding women swoon over the likes of George Clooney, Shah Rukh Khan, Ranbir Kapoor and Shashi Tharoor. More recently, women at blogger meets have been ‘oohing’ and ‘aahing’ over the charming Chef Vikas Khanna. When this Khanna dude won the title of ‘New York’s Hottest Chef’ he said, “Cooking makes a man sexy. A guy who cooks can take care of his women.”

I don’t agree though.  In that case, my local halwai would be a chick magnet.  

I am no expert at decoding charm, but dig deeper and the mysteries of charm lie elsewhere. Don’t confuse raw sex appeal (deodorant advertisement types) with sophisticated urban charm. While appearance, wealth and success matter, I feel, urban women are floored by intellect, humility, eloquence and a dash of humor.

And is it a co-incidence that all the above men are clean shaven? Well, an unkempt man can be a turn-off for anyone.

“When Shah Rukh looks at you with those deep brown eyes, you don’t have a hope in hell,” confides a friend. I am no Shah Rukh fan.  But glimpses of his quips make for compelling listening. He is not the distant ‘No Comments’ guy. Ask him the most irritating question and he is ready with a spontaneous repartee. On one occasion, when Vir Sanghvi irked him by questioning his sexuality, he said, “I don’t know why Vir asks me that. Perhaps if I had said yes, he would have asked me out on a date.”

I remember viewing an old interview of Shah Rukh with the intimidating Tim Sebastian of the BBC. Holding forte, SRK emerged a winner with his irrepressible wit and sharp intellect. I was more floored by his brains than I was irked by his no-brainer Ra-One. No wonder he received an award for not spreading his arms, but for intellectual merit at Marrakech International Film Festival.

Though I don’t think much of SRK as an actor (apart from Chak De and Swades), he scores points on my ‘Likometer’ because of his respectful attitude and protective nature towards women. He has the knack of making women feel special. When a pesky reporter asked Katrina the done to death question of choosing between Salman and SRK, the lady was in a fix. Trust SRK to chime in with, “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday -Salman and Thursday, Friday, Saturday -Shahrukh.” 

Among the 'Khans', while  Aamir is the most versatile , he is a prisoner of his perfectionist image. He is  diplomatic and distant when it comes to a one-on-one.  And Salman is handsome in a classic sort of way but his humor does nothing for me (I do not speak for all). Wit of the kind Salman displays borders on the crass.  His towel enabled pelvic thrusts and fart jokes  are more for the frontbenchers.

With oodles of urban charm, Ranbir Kapoor is another charmer.  Women of all ages love him for his modest approachable persona. I once saw him at an airport. The guy was exuding an air of comfort balanced exactly with what was going around him. Sometimes shy sometimes naughty, but always refreshingly humble. And don’t we love that?

Finally we have Shashi Tharoor - the thinking woman’s man. Barring the suave Sachin Pilot (a lady doctor friend who met him at Medanta swears by his charm) or a dour Omar, who remains distant, no one in politics can come close to Tharoor's spontaneous eloquence . And he is a writer to boot. The smile is enticing too! He smiles as if he is keeping a delicious secret. When he recently professed that his wife is ‘priceless’, he went up a notch higher on the charismatic ladder. His opponents in the BJP can call him  'Love Guru' but its better to smile and be candid than flare nostrils and sulk 24/7.  

Chances are that many will not agree with my ‘comprehensive research’. But fikar not, since we are all wired differently, it’s best to be the way we are. Cosmetic changes do more harm than good. And what is the point? A man could be charming to one and not to others. 

‘All men need to do is flash a smile at a woman to get her to do his bidding,’ says today’s newspaper.

Easy?

The smile needs to be warm, respectful, and earnest. There is a fine line between cheesy and charming. A cheesy grin can make one look like Shakti Kapoor, not Ranbir Kapoor.

Picture Courtesy Google Images and Twitter

Divided House?

 

“Thinking of deactivating Facebook to detox the mind,” says a status update of a friend. Are women spending too much time on social media?

A study says, ‘Overall, females spend more time on Facebook. Nearly 60% of Facebook users are women, compared to about 40% men. While Twitter has nearly equal number of men and women, women tweet more often than men. However, the gender split is almost even on YouTube, LinkedIn, Foursquare, Flickr and Instagram’. 

Personally, I believe this is how we interact in real lives. Women are great net workers and prolific communicators. Sharing information, watching pictures and connecting with people comes naturally to them. Plus, a good natter with friends makes women happier. It boosts levels of progesterone that reduces anxiety and stress.

 However, men are not overtly enthusiastic when it comes to socializing. They are not really interested in ‘who-is-wearing-what’ or ‘who-is-going-out-with-who’. I forced my husband to open his Facebook account but he seems to have no interest in pressing ‘likes’ or watching pictures of friends. Perhaps, younger men are more active on social media. Some even use social sites as a job or a mate seeking tool.

Hoping that women will not chew me to bits, I have to say that women are relatively more interested in observing the activity of other women. More significantly, women enjoy receiving and giving compliments. Only women can go, “Awww…so cute” or “Sooo sweet…super duper like.” Perhaps Zuckerberg knew ‘what women want’ and Twitter arrived as an icing on the top. 

In a recent article in Hindustan Times,  Barkha Dutt says, “As a television journalist who spends more time on Twitter than is healthy for her BlackBerry wrecked hands, I find that my tweets reach more people than the average audience for most English news shows.”

Now that says a lot, doesn’t it?

Interestingly, social media is also a platform where the news breaks first. What started as a social platform to share pictures and ideas, has now morphed into a powerful tool for empowerment and dispensing information. 

 For me and several others, Facebook is a useful ally to share blogs and articles. If I look at the gender divide from the number of comments, more women comment on the articles. However, verbal feedback tells me that more men read blogs but do not have the time or feel the need to comment - unless they are bloggers themselves.

While social media can be incredibly entertaining, it can be empowering too. Societies, they say, do not change significantly over a decade but individuals do. It may be a man’s world, but on the World Wide Web, women are finding their voices. And expressing them.  

So go forth and do it. Speak your mind that is!

 (Pic Courtesy: Google Images. The entire article is available in  Friday Gurgaon, dated 13-11-12)