Sunday, November 17, 2013

Loo-se Talk



So I met this young lady looking all sassy and smart. ‘Aunty, I follow your blog,’ she gushed. ‘I read it in the loo.'

Gauging my trifle disappointment she added, 'I mean it in the nicest possible way.'

I was a bit shaken. No, it was not the ‘A’ bomb. Once sporadic, the ‘A’ bomb is now hurled at me by aunties themselves. I don’t mind it at all.

It was the ‘Loo’ part that was the party Poo-per. I am trained to process words into images. For a moment, my words were clouded in a smelly fog of ablutions. I was wondering why read in the Loo? Do I Loo-k like a Loo-ny who indulges in Loo-se Talk? Do I Piss-off readers? Are my posts Pee-vish?

Relax, I told myself. Think. Why exactly are you upset?

Revisit your childhood. Remember those last minute revisions in the loo? When you can think about what you have written, or, what you are going to write in the privacy of the washroom, why sulk?

Newspapers have long accompanied people inside the loo. To judge the quality of writing by the place where it is read, rather than the effectiveness of its prose is to miss the trees for the woods. 


Then, where is the time to read? More importantly, where is the time to think? Archimedes, they say, figured out his theory of water displacement while soaking in a bath tub. Ideas can strike anywhere. Anytime. Given the noise pollution, toilets are not a bad place. Even Modi Ji is endorsing them.

Moreover, loo readers are a flourishing tribe. People carry newspapers, tablets, smart phones and Ipads to the Les Cabinets. A hot cup of tea and a juicy tabloid can do what a bottle of Cremaffin cannot. Why, even restaurants are being designed as toilets. Modern Toilet is a bathroom themed restaurant chain in Taiwan. A new restaurant opened in LA as recently as last month. So if you can eat in a toilet, you can certainly read in a toilet. Read Here

Anyway, what I write is not rocket science that needs a table lamp or a study table for finer assimilation. I can only hope that my words stay long after the reader is done with the toilet paper. If a gripping narrative results in easing things, even better.
By the time the party ended, I felt better. I even smiled at the young lady. 

In the loo or on the mountains, one reader is better than no reader at all.
Picture Courtesy: AFP News

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84 comments:

  1. LOL

    Rightly said, it doesn't matter where you are read, what matters is, you are being read, and the person is not shy of telling you about it (in a nice way :P)
    Besides, there is a reason why many people write on the doors of their toil-ets 'Do not disturb, Great minds at work'. For example, the talented song composer and singer, Swanand Kirkire has to go and sit in a toilet when he has to write a song (Reference to his interview in Dewarists, season 1). So, who knows, your posts might be spawning new revolutionary ideas, churning the mind, along with the stomachs :D


    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ideas can strike anywhere, anytime. :)
      I remember Swanand Kirkire mentioned that on a song based reality show.

      Delete
  2. Absolutely spot on - I'd take a loo-reader, over no reader anyway. And yes, who knows - like Blasphemous Aesthete said "Your posts might be spawning new revolutionary ideas" :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So we are on the same page. Good.
      And thanks.

      Delete
  3. LOO...i mean LOL....
    A reader is a reader afterall... :)

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  4. Call me old fashioned, prissy but I can never relate to commode thinkers and readers. Perhaps its an escape from your nosy family, you own stinky den but I'm sure there are alternate corners where one can breathe freely and read your favourite blog!

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    Replies
    1. Me too Purba. When I see my son or his friends taking gadgets to the loo, it makes me uncomfortable. Now of course, I have accepted it.

      Delete
  5. This was such a loo-vely post and note that this is not an 'under-handed' compliment from me. The fact that people read your posts when they are 'downloading their torrents' means that you not only tickle their brain cells but also generate enough mirth that their bowels are loosened as well.

    Wow, that was one 'shitty' comment, wasn't it :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It wasn't shitty at all. It was as fragrant as soap and shampoo.
      :) thanks.

      Delete
  6. Somewhere is better than no where for me. Also, a reader is a reader, to me.
    I used to read a lot on the pot while "getting ready" for school. In college, there was huge queue outside and I was always worried they will bang the door open. When working, it was all about swipe cards swiping in time, so where was the time to read anything on the pot? Now, time on the pot? What is that? Do your thing and get out! :)
    I don't think the 'aunty' is misplaced though. Not because you remind me of any, but because I do think, going by her comments, that she was too too young to have said 'I read it in the loo'. I have never admitted to PG Wodehouse that that's where I read him. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To each his/her own. Many do it but are wary of admitting.
      Hope your Doon trip was fun.

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  7. Did it really happen? I guess not :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why do you doubt my noble intentions Diwakar?

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  8. haha! Alka! You should be proud not for the A for aunty part but there is no placed to read u..so what it's loo-ny or loo-se. Keep rocking:) I guess, I should try the toilet now:)

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  9. Hahaha.That was a funny post.I carry iPad with me instead of newspapers
    Liked the light hearted article that left a smile in my face

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This means a lot. Many people do it but are wary of admitting.
      Thanks.

      Delete
  10. It was very humorously well written. I enjoyed reading it. And I am not reading it in the loo or may be you now don't care :)

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    Replies
    1. Aww. No, don't worry. My imagination is not that good.
      Thanks Nobu.

      Delete
  11. One man's meat is another man's poison, so why worry if some fan of yours enjoys reading at her favorite corner:) At least you have one more follower, Alka:)

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  12. I know many people read, newspapers, magazines and their tabs in the loo. Me, I prefer cleaner surroundings while reading interesting stuff :). Funny post, Alka!

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  13. hahahaha! It is actually a huge compliment! It is one of the safest and most peaceful place in a house (at least for me). To bring a piece to read in that space is the most intimate connection one can ever have with their reader :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are such an honest sweet person Bhavana. Shows each time you say something.

      Delete
  14. "one reader is better than no reader at all."
    True that. :-D

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  15. Maybe the laughs you raise will ease the bowels lol!! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is always a pleasure to see you here Deepak.
      :)

      Delete
  16. That is a very humorous post. My son and his daughters(my grand daughters) read in the loo. If any one of them is in the toilet, it is difficult to pull them out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My son does it too. And it is difficult to pull him out.:)

      Delete
  17. I think it's a great compliment, Alka. Loo readers like me will testify that the more interesting the book (in this case, the blog), the higher the chances of it making it to the loo! My Kindle regularly lights up the loo, much to my husband's chagrin!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha. My son does it too. Much to my charging!
      Thanks for tweeting.

      Delete
  18. A loose missile if ever there was one, Alka.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A loose missile it was! A light hearted take.

      Delete
  19. Ha Ha. Nice one. Even I can't relate to concept of reading in the Loo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many here are candid enough to admit that they are Loo readers!

      Delete
  20. Aha Alka! Now I can understand people reading my blog in the loo. Nothing like a dose of verbal diarrhea to cure your constipation :)

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    1. I read your recent post on humor Suresh. Irrespective of where people read your blog, every sentence is a carefully crafted gem. I read your blog to learn the art of writing.

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    2. Alka! You made my day! Not that you need to learn anything about the art of writing - least of all from me.

      Delete
  21. It is a bomb. To-get-her over internet, strips are best enjoyed in loo.

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  22. Lol, that was hilarious. Loo s are like a private space to some people where no-one can get access to them , no matter what. Hi hi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Loo readers are a flourishing tribe.
      :)

      Delete
  23. I didn't even know people do that ;)
    Come to think of it, if that is where they can read attentively- fair enough. At least, it is better than those who read in metro trains. I mean I have to sit down on a study table to read newspaper, with a browser window open for secondary research. And there they are- one hand holding the rail, and newspaper the other. Genius :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha. I am going to ignore the visual appeal of your comment.;)
      Thanks for stopping by. It's a pleasure to see you here.

      Delete
  24. Let us accept it....it is such a peaceful area.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Hmm.. initially I was a bit offended, but then I realized that many people do a whole lot of reading in the loos as they spent the maximum time there and that too without disturbance. Better the loo than nowhere.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Loo readers are a flourishing tribe.:)

      Delete
  26. What a hilarious post! I would take a loo-reader over no-reader any day. I am not a loo reader per se but I have sneaked into the loo many times in the past to continue reading an interesting book while I was supposed to "study" and avoid getting caught. And now I do it in office when I have something interesting and want to be left alone!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Peace and privacy. Indeed it is an ideal place to read.:)

      Delete
  27. I don't read your blog in the loo. It commands more respect than that, so I typically read it lying sprawled, unshaven in a torn t-shirt, in bed early morning, as I am doing now.
    But I do need something to read in the loo just the same. For that, I bow-el my head to the Goddess of News that is more Ex-shit-ing than Real, The Times of Page-3.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You made me laugh Rickie. Try Mail Today. It is equally effective in the loo.
      :)

      Delete
  28. While I agree a reader is a reader, wherever they might read; I always stay away from loaning my books and magazines to folks who I know take them to the loo. :P The Times and its supplement is a different case altogether, it was meant for the trash bin anyways :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I am a bit squeamish about reading novels in the loo. But TOI supplement is ideal for general browsing.

      Delete
  29. I study in loo on the day of exams..
    every single read counts.. :P

    Your blog is popular... entertains audience of all kinds :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thank you Jyoti. I remember those last minute revisions in the loo.

      Delete
  30. A reader is a reader and the location s/he picks to read does not matter to me but I loved the way you brought out so many poo-per words - Hilarious post :).

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks stopping by Yamini.
      Love your name.

      Delete
  31. LOL....I don't if I have to giggle at this or say, awww...well, I smiled but read it in my office. :P
    But, I do carry stuff to the loo too...it could be your blog or someone else's blog or an interesting book I got from the library...But you know, I don't stay in the loo for a long time, so I wonder many times, why did I even take it inside?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Ha ha. So most loo readers have come out from the closet. It's easy to take iPads and smartphones compared to books or newspapers.

      Delete
    2. And you know, my aunt or uncle would take news papers to the loo when we are kids and I would hate it. Sometimes, I would not even touch that paper again or make sure I read the paper before they take it to the loo....heheh stupid isn't it?

      Delete
    3. Times change. And how! My granny used to take a bath and change after visiting the loo!

      Delete
  32. ha ha :D I know so many people who read papers and use their gadgets in the loo and it includes my husband. I used to feel very odd initially but now I am so used to it that if he does not have a newspaper or iPad in hand while going to loo, I am worried :P

    ReplyDelete
  33. I read half the blogs in the loo. I wont even tell you if I am commenting this while being in the loo.Understand this, a person doesn't just read anything in the loo. Only the most impressive or important or amazing thing. Atleast I do...Here u have a very LOO-SE COMPLIMENT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :) Thank you for the Loo-vely compliment.
      Value it. Truly!

      Delete
  34. I sometimes check my emails in the loo but anything beyond that is a strict no no. There are definitely better places in my house where I can read my favourite blogs.
    Also, I do not understand how people get ideas under such immense pressure?

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    1. ROFL Amit. Some people give their best under pressure!

      Delete
  35. Mme Alka,
    Lo! Hats off for your candid comments on (the conventional) reading habits in the loo!! Indeed, it is the sole place in the world where a person is oneself at peace sans any external pressure, exception being he bowels. However, I was reminded of my grandaunt in Bangalore who would never pack any food item in the newspaper since many at home were addicted to carrying the daily under the armpit while answering the nature's call. Well, habits die hard....
    Suresh Panje, New Delhi

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  36. hahaha!!! On the other side, you know that you are a popular blogger...you have readers who recognize you and tell you where they read your blog from :)

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    1. Not sure about popularity Vinaya. The stats of this blog tell me a different story!

      Delete
  37. That was funny. By the way I am a loo-reader too. Smart-phone, kindle, novel, anything will do, but I have to have something to read. I don't know about others, but my habit started when I had a baby and that was the ONLY time I could read a few lines/paras. :)

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    1. Appreciate your candid comment. Tabs and toilets do go hand in hand! Well, sometimes.

      Delete
  38. Hai, Alka, tum toh mast malang ho ekdum. BTW hubby and daughter are both the Loo variety. Mujhse nahin hota. Focus bigad jata hai. Also, I guess, since I have the major part of the day to myself..............loo time is, well, loo time :)

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    1. Good girl. You focus on the task. Well, some others like multi tasking!

      Delete