Tongue Twitch

Pic Courtesy: www.timesofindia.com

One has to hand it to our Haryana girl. She knows how to grab limelight. ‘I am lonely and looking for love,’ she says. Fair enough.

Mallika Sherawat stars in a television show ‘Mere Khayalon Ki Mallika’ which is a spin-off from the American reality dating game show ‘The Bachelor’. The show revolves around an eligible bachelorette and a pool of romantic suitors, including a potential husband for the bachelorette. 

More often than not,  I get the feeling that we are being mocked at by Mallika's statements. It all began when she declared, ‘In real life, I live like a nun. I am on the lookout for a man who has more guts than I have.’ Now that she is looking for love, the tryst with celibacy is perhaps done and dusted. Why else would she dirty dance with fifty-one year old Antonio Banderas? The lady is entitled to her share of fun. No issues.

But the lashings of duplicity were  too much to take when I saw Mallika’s interview at the show launch. ‘I am looking for someone who is intelligent.’ What is with girls wanting an intelligent man with a sense of humour? Don’t they finally get hitched by Mr. Money Bags? Laughter, after all cannot compete with diamonds and designer dresses. How many starlets have married stand-up artists, astronauts, professors or scientists?
Mallika feigned ignorance when asked about her rival Rakhee Sawant’s ‘Swayamwar’ charade. ‘I am looking for someone who is self-made. Someone like Karan Johar.’ Compared to another bachelor who made Himmatwala, Karan surely is blessed with dollops of intellect and fat pockets. However I am not sure of Karan’s self-made status. Maybe Mallika knows something, we don’t.

Before all the self-made, intelligent men begin to rejoice, let it be known that the erstwhile nun is also looking for a vegan, teetotaler companion. Maybe she is looking for a saint. But then she should head towards the mountains and not Hollywood. I loved the bit about considering Salman Khan’s application, if she received it. Our girl knows how to make the right noise. Her birthday song for  the most happening bachelor was  clearly a promotional stunt for her new show. YouTube.

‘I don’t want to do item songs anymore. Now I want to do performance oriented roles.’ Sure. With a riveting performance in ‘Ugli aur Pagli’ the lady has a lot of untapped talent. President Obama was supposed to be present at her Hollywood film premiere. ‘I have told the President that I want him to be present. He very graciously told me to make sure to send the invite across.’ No wonder our girl is proud of her guts.

Finally the erstwhile nun made a fascinating remark. ‘Draupadi, Sita …all chose their husbands through a swayamwara. If they could do it, so can I.’

Wah! Wah! After Draupadi and Sita the list of swayamwar holders has several illustrious people- Rakhee-ji, Rahul-ji,Veena-ji. And now Mallika-ji. Those who are naïve enough to believe that Mallika will eventually marry a contestant from a reality show should read between the lines, ‘Sometimes people don’t find true love even after several years of marriage. I am only looking for a companion.’

Since you are one gutsy girl Mallika, why not admit that the show is an entertainer and everything else is blah!

Reference:http://businessofcinema.com/news/karan-johar-is-the-most-eligible-bachelor-right-now-mallika-sherawat/73408

Google Images www.highheelconfidential.com

Hype and Hoopla

The trigger for writing this post is a candid conversation with a young man who joined a consultancy firm last year.  While in college, the chap was disillusioned with love and now he is miserable in his job. “I need a change. Pronto,” he says.

Some things in life are so hyped that most of us don’t feel the ‘awesome’ we were supposed to feel. It all begins with college. Remember the urgency to discard school uniforms and whiff the free college air? Once in college, it dawns that college is not about short skirts, toned bodies, dance competitions and endless cups at the college canteen. College is about assignments, deadlines and the anxiety associated with charting a career. Realities of life jerk us when real life Principal is the antithesis of a bumbling Boman Irani or an idiotic Anupam Kher. Girls who scorch the dance floor like a simpering Alia Bhatt or a sassy Sushmita Sen are as rare as Rahul Gandhi’s interaction with the media. As work pressure mounts, is it any surprise that we begin to miss school? The innocence, the disregard for time and the parental protection, all of it.  

Another idea that is least disputed, is the pleasure associated with falling in love. Unable to find beatific, angelic love, we begin to fall in love with the official downer of sorrow - beer. True, there is no lonelier feeling than watching your friend cootchie-coo while you wait for your ‘Bum Chik Wah Wah’ moment. This ‘love shove’ is a certified destroyer of friendship.  It leads to ‘we need to talk’ moments. And ‘we need to talk’ is all about your self-respect going down the drain. Sample the plight of this chap:

‘My girlfriend wants to breakup because I forgot to wish ‘Fudge’ on his third birthday. These days I spend all my time manaoing her pet pug. But my girlfriend ignores me.  She says she will go out with my roommate if I don’t apologize to Fudge in person. I am losing my self esteem. Please help.’

Finally look at the way, the idea of a job is sold. Click on the career options and organizations lure with phrases like ‘It’s all about you’; ‘Explore yourself as you grow with us’.  The problem with such sentimental marketing is that it fogs the realistic picture. The truth is that companies need motivated people to meet targets and stay afloat, while we need work to pay for our bread and butter. Yeah, that’s it. Simple. The emotional pitch of ‘Reinvent yourself’ heightens expectations. 

All too often the promised salary hike is delayed. The media blitz rarely gives the impression that while we will slog to meet targets, our boss will play Solitaire on his lappy.  More often than not, we  oscillate between two power centers at work. And chances of beer buddies back-stabbing for promotions are almost certain. Fifty bucks on this one.

Along with the first job comes the notion of independence. Yeah. No time limits, no sermons, no begging for car keys and no hiding the beer bottles in undergarments. So far so good.  But what about piles of laundry, tut-tut with the maid, absence of dabba wala, survival on Maggie, and sneering of neighborhood aunties? “Never let out your apartment to bachelors. No sense of time. No sense of cleanliness. And why do they need a water connection? Beer is all they drink. This generation is doomed, I tell you.”

 

Soon you begin to miss your mom who says, “Tedha hai par mera hai.”

So where does all this ranting lead to?

Well, it leads to a Zen like realization that when we make frequent changes, the next wish is to change again. Any change brings a new set of problems. Each moment is distinct and not comparable to another for a particular reason. 

Time to wake up and smell the coffee. Before it gets cold and you want tea again.

Picture Courtesy: freedigitalphotos

Look What I Found!

I am sure it happens to you. There you are cleaning your cupboard and you unearth old trivia which transports you to another time. Like when you come across an autograph book with emotional farewell notes from school buddies or when you find a handmade card crowning you as the world’s best mommy! Suddenly your heart gets wrapped in nostalgic mist of distant memories.

I don’t usually enjoy nostalgia. It’s imprisoning. It makes me sentimental. Though it doesn’t surprise me one bit. For as long as I remember, I have always been a sentimental person. Simple things for me can be strangely moving. 

 

My throat tightens when I see an old picture of my father as a young hockey captain. The picture is a reminder of life’s impermanence.  Also the fact that there is no way I can rewind the reel. 

I find myself filled with longing when I discover little booties of my son but can’t really tell why I feel the way I do. Sometimes words desert you in strange ways that you begin to wonder if any writer can ever describe what you are feeling.

Today I stumbled upon an old college notebook. The last page of the notebook is full of mindless scribbling and doodling.  Perhaps, a boring lecture on a late summer afternoon led me to spew angst and anxiety on paper.

It s a trivial but have you ever wondered why boys tend to doodle geometric shapes while girls draw faces and flowers?

And why it is so satisfying to doodle when we are on the phone?

Apart from doodles, my notebook has some juvenile poetry scribbled on the last page. There is something about adolescence which makes us poets. And it doesn’t really matter if the poetry is awful. After all, it’s our little secret. Crushes, heartbreaks, longings, frustrations, confusion and rage find vent through verses. Interestingly when I try to write poetry today, it eludes me completely. And the last page of my diary today has e-mail addresses, telephone numbers of electricians and plumbers and carelessly scribbled grocery lists. Sigh!

While rummaging through papers, I came across my school report card. The general remark section says: It is a pleasure to have her in class. She is neat and does her work regularly. However, she is a shy child and needs encouragement to speak in public. 

Some things never change.Speaking in public remains my worst nightmare.

Picture Courtesy: Google Images/Policymic.com/allisalearntowrite.blogspot.com