Sunday, September 29, 2013

Who lit the fire?

Image Courtesy Facebook





Promotional Panga!
A recent survey reveals that Comedy Nights with Kapil, a comedy show on Colors, is the best platform for any promotional activity. The survey was based on an on-line poll conducted by a Patiala based Sidhu Fan Club. No wonder, King Khan’s appearance on the show resulted in the stupendous popularity of Chennai Express. Why, even Grand Masti was a grand success after the charismatic Vivek Oberoi graced the sets of Comedy Nights.

Bad may be bacterial, but vulgar is viral.

Reportedly, Indra Kumar, the producer of Grand Masti has announced a sequel called ‘Grrr-andest Masti’, which will be India’s official entry for Oscars in 2014. This was confirmed by Goutam Gosh, the Chairman of the film selection committee.

In an attempt to tap the unmatched popularity of Comedy Nights, Arvind Gupta, the BJP’s IT Cell Head, expressed  Modi’s desire to grace the comedy show. Reports suggest that host, Kapil Sharma was hesitant but relented after India’s Quote Express, Navjot Singh Sidhu threatened to go on a hunger strike. Insiders reveal that Kapil Sharma is eager to fight elections next year. He dreams of being the next Information and Broadcasting minister. Be that as it may, in so far as Mr. Manish Tiwari is concerned, this is a travesty of constitution beyond the jurisprudence of the esteemed parliamentarians, invoking an overreach of ambitions sought by the host of a juvenile comedy show...

Phew, whatever. It so happened that the news of Mr. Modi’s promotional idea reached the Congress Headquarters. Almost immediately a mysterious caller called Kapil and requested (read threatened) him to invite Rahul Ji on the show. Owing to huge political pressure, Kapil agreed to accommodate both NaMo and RaGa on a special episode to be aired on 2nd October 2014.

However, much before the show, a massive fire broke out on the sets of Comedy Nights at Filmcity in Goregaon on September 25, 2013. A Bollywood birdie feels the fire could have something to do with Khan rivalry and SRK’s recurrent presence on the show. Alternatively, Vivek Oberoi’s appearance and the subsequent success of Grand Masti could have ignited envious sparks. If you are unaware of the ‘Vivek-Bhai’ connection, you don’t deserve to read this any further.Nevertheless, the most credible story doing the rounds is that Kapil himself was responsible for the fire on his sets. Stick with me and I will tell you why! 

24th September, 2013

Rahul calls Kapil for clarifications. The prospect of appearing on television, the presence of his arch rival, and a live audience is a triple whammy for him.

Rahul: Boss, are you sure, there is no debate?

Kapil: Pucca. No debate and no speech.

Rahul: No questions on FDI, Fiscal Deficit or Foreign Policy?

Kapil: No, SirJi. At best, some silly girls will ask you, “Will you marry me?” or “What is Sonia Ji looking for in a daughter-in-law?” You can always say marriage is a state of the mind. I will take it from there.

Rahul: (Rolling his sleeves) Sound’s good.

After Rahul hangs up, Modi decides to call Kapil.

Modi: Finally, I will get a chance to debate with Rahul?

Kapil: No sir, the show is not about debates.

Modi: No debate? Okay, I will give a speech.

Kapil: No speech either. Sir, promotion is done via dance.

Modi: Dance?

Kapil: Sir, don’t worry. We’ll play Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram. You just have to sway a little with the audience.

Modi: Mahatma’s favorite bhajan? Good.

Kapil: No, not that...

The call is disconnected. Kapil is unable to explain that ‘Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram’ is a song from Krish 3. He even forgets to tell  about Dadi’s inebriated humour, juvenile jokes and her cross legged routine. Worse, bua’s amorous advances, particularly aimed at bachelors could jeopardize his chances of getting an election ticket. What if irrepressible Sidhu begins his volley of idiotic quotes, much to the discomfort of his guests?Above all, what if Rahul tears his script calling it Nonsense!

Disaster!

25th September, 2013

Unable to handle the idea of two towering personalities on his show, Kapil decides to destroy his own set. The show, they say, will resume after elections in 2014.



(This is a work of fiction. Readers are advised not to confuse this with real incidents.)


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Sunday, September 22, 2013

Lunchbox Recipe



Lunchbox’, the new movie by debutant director Ritesh Batra is a love story where the protagonists never meet. Nevertheless, love blossoms - love that is overwhelmingly real, sweet and poignant. In an age where love is all about songs, flowers and gifts, this film underlines the fact that when wavelengths match, life itself can play cupid.

The one thing that makes for a meaningful relationship, much like effortless prose, is the honesty with which it is created. The depth lies in capturing the subtle nuances. And much like a fascinating tale, it makes sense to go through the chapters of life to understand the script better.
As clouds float over my balcony, I settle down with a coffee mug to ponder over more than two decades togetherness. It was the matrimonial supplement of ‘The Times of India’ that brought us together. When the local priest, bless his soul, matched our horoscopes with thirty-five out of thirty-six qualities in tandem, he knew his astrology. Though opposites attract, we are similar in many ways when it comes to values, outlook and attitudes. Both of us are loners, preferring to stay away from the din and bustle of socializing. Both of us prefer to save rather than spend on expensive clothes or gadgets. Perhaps the similarities have something to do with our respective upbringing. Being Leo’s, we value our pride more than anything else. Right or wrong, that’s the way we are!

However, if men are from Mars, and women from Venus, we are different in our unique ways. Our premise to coexist happily rests on the philosophy of ‘Agree to Disagree’.

How else can I explain his Zen like patience, a perfect foil for my child like edginess? While I am instinctive, his approach towards people and situations is nuanced. We have a distinct approach towards reading, when it comes to which author to read, what genre to buy or how long to delve on a page. I am the kind of reader who loves to zip through stories while exploring emotions. Unlike me, he enjoys ruminating, introspecting and regurgitating at leisure.

He wants me to read Bimal Jalan’s ‘Emerging India’ and Shashi Tharoor’s ‘Pax Indica’. Broaden your horizon, he says.

I want him to read Jhumpa Lahiri’s ‘The Interpreter of Maladies’ and Jodi Picoult’s ‘My Sister’s Keeper’. Soak in the emotion, I say.

Ditto with movies and television! For instance, he loves realistic cinema, with ‘Pyaasa’ being his all time favorite. However, I am unable to sit through movies which portray violence or misery. Not that I enjoy ‘Chennai Express’ kind of movies, but intense and violent movies which leave a tinge of sadness make me uncomfortable. And yet, despite the different likes and dislikes, events in life have played cupid in cementing our relationship.

In more than two decades of togetherness, we have endured loss of parents, suffered in sickness, screamed with joy, cried in pain and wrestled with adversity. Every event provided an opportunity for two strangers to cement the relationship. 
Pardon my rambling, as I am not offering any advice here. Not much is gained from advice.

As I write, the husband saunters in.

‘What are you writing?’

I promptly minimize the screen.

‘Nothing. It’s a rough draft.’

I treasure my privacy when I write.So I wait for him to leave the room. But he lingers on.

‘Can you please leave me alone?’

“What can you possibly write that I don’t know?” he laughs. “I know you more than you know yourself.”

I don’t have an answer to that.

(Also in Friday Gurgaon)

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Governator



“Why this sudden interest in watching CNBC-18?” asks my  husband.

“Nothing. I’m trying to grasp the tenets of our monetary policy.”

“Common, you are gawking at him like an awestruck teenager.”

“Can’t help it. The headline says, ‘All eyes on Rajan’.”

Age has nothing to do with the heart skipping a beat. Exuding charm, the crinkly eyed RBI Governor Raghuram Rajan does evoke a sigh. No offense to Subbarao, Jalan or Rangrajan, but when did we have a tall, dark and handsome economist at the helm of affairs?
Thankfully, RBI Governors are not selected on the basis of rippling muscles or good looks. Look where the good looks of an irresistible Pappu have landed us?

Looks and fiscal deficit are as unrelated as Amar Singh and low-waist Levis jeans.

Impeccable Background 
Rajan is the youngest ever Chief Economist at the International Monetary Fund (IMF) and the inaugural recipient of the Fischer Black Prize. With a BTech from IIT Delhi, MBA from IIM-A, and a PhD from MIT, Rajan’s impeccable reputation can give a complex to Sachin Tendulkar.The new RBI Governor is an author to boot. Move over Tharoor, the thinking woman has a new muse. Go watch fashion shows with Sunanda and tweet like a sparrow in heat. Words are not what we need.

Harbinger of Hope

Swaminathan Aiyar  says ‘Rajan is a great jockey. Pity he doesn’t have a better horse’.

At a time when the two blue turbanators (MMS and his buddy MSA) have wreaked havoc by serving their estrogen pronounced boss, Rajan brings hope. No wonder he has a parody account on Twitter called ‘Governator’. Can you feel the whiff of his Hollywood-eque appeal? Well, Rajan can beat Schwarzenegger in looks as well as fidelity department. He married his IIM batch mate Radhika. Given his upbringing, it is unlikely that he will make hay with the maid.

“The governorship is not meant to win votes or Facebook ‘likes’, says Rajan.

Much like virginity, too much is made of Facebook ‘Likes’. Despite riding a sick horse, the new jockey knows that he is running this race for the life of a nation. Poised on toes that are pinched into Italian stirrups, Rajan hovers over the economic horse in a stance that generates hope. Hope, they say, is a waking dream. A few degrees too far forward or backwards, he may fall only to be trampled by new political hoofs.

The task of encouraging populist policies of a veshti clad Palaniappan and a pyjama clad Pappu, and yet, managing the fiscal deficit is going to be a tough ride. Sometimes a rider, instead of being thrown, can fall with the horse. God forbid, if that happens, Rajan may soon end up looking like his bald predecessors. How dreadful!



But well begun is half done. I would rather watch Rajan unveil the new credit policy than Karan Johar shake his wide screen, tongue conspicuously in-cheek.

Why?
To grasp the nuances of fiscal deficit, Federal quantitative easing, exchange rate, and food inflation. That’s why!

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes! And if the jockey is good looking, the race becomes even more riveting.







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Thursday, September 5, 2013

Those Arms Need Rest



Google Images: santabanta.com

Acting is said to be a shy man’s revenge. There is little point in acting unless an actor re-invents himself and surprises his fans with something new.

Chennai Express’, the fastest 200 crore grosser of all times has Shahrukh playing a forty year old Rahul. At a time when the air is suffused with cynicism, three hours of mindless song and dance away from the tumble of the rupee, jumble of our leaders and fumble of our economy has done wonders at the box office. Regardless of the success of Chennai Express, how long can SRK spread his arms, lift his lungi and continue to play the quintessential Rahul?

Rahul at 25, Rahul at 40
His bratty boy charm and wicked wit as Rahul in ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge’ remains etched in memory. On a personal note, I have to say that I place ‘Chak De, India!’ and ‘Swades’ on a higher pedestal. And in both the movies Shahrukh was not playing Rahul. At forty-seven, Shahrukh can make all the jokes about being forty, but his self deprecating humor is not likely to attract audiences for a long time. Not everyone can ape Rajnikanth and bash goons at sixty plus.

The truth is that the triumph of any commercial success blurs reasoning. And in all likelihood, Shahrukh will give in to the temptation of self-indulgence. Fair enough. But it is time to break away from the comfortable company of director friends like Rohit Shetty and Karan Johar. His buddies have done nothing to break the clichéd mould of ‘Rahul’. Ensconced in his comfort zone, Shahrukh is likely to become a prisoner of his social chamber.

Re-invention = Resurrection

It took nearly a decade for Amitabh Bachchan to grasp this reality and break the mould of angry Inspector Vijay. Unlike Amitabh, those who refused to emerge from shadows like Dharmendra or Govinda, have failed to stage a successful comeback. Why, even a youngster like Ranbir Kapoor is evolving film after film. King Khans’ bête noire, Salman Khan has evolved from Prem to Pandey ji, but much like Shahrukh, Salman Khan continues to play Salman in all his movies. Among the Khan troika, only Aamir Khan has had the courage to play different characters far away from the lover boy of QSQT. But then, Aamir is not in the race of making the fastest crore at the box office, is he?

Rahul in Jammu-Tawi Express

Of all the people, Shahrukh knows that times have changed. Labels are coming unstuck and audiences are ready to accept various characters. Regardless, Shahrukh continues to play Rahul.
I am guessing that after the success of Chennai Express, Rohit Shetty will announce a sequel. This time the fun ride can be called ‘Kolkata Express’ or Jammu-Tawi Express’. No points for guessing that the hero on the train will be, well, Rahul.

Read the entire post originally on The Indianexponent
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Monday, September 2, 2013

Scentolgia



A shaft of warm sunlight falls on the newborn I am holding in the crook of my arms. As I play and coo gibberish in his ears, I revel in the smell of love.  I miss that fragrance. There are moments when I miss it so much that I can smell it in my dreams. How do I even begin to describe it? 

The scent is a mix of milk powder, baby oil, baby shampoo and pure innocence. Of all the seductions of motherhood, the most memorable remains the joy of cuddling and snuggling your toddler. Something is so ineffably beautiful about the moment that it transcends the physical. It is bliss. Nothing else matters.

Smell may be an abstract sense but nothing is more memorable than a smell. Even if the whiff was momentary, it can evoke distant memories. And when a certain scent is tinged with emotion, it transcends beyond the realm of words.

Smiley Flashback

If I close my eyes, most of my smell nostalgia relates to motherhood: the smell of chocolate reminds me of the fresh cakes I baked; the smell of books reminds me of the tension during board exams; the smell of Vicks reminds me of the bouts of cold; the odor of Dettol reminds me of the deep gnash on his right knee, and the faint smell of a balloon reminds me of blowing several balloons on his birthday.


How can I not talk about the smell of coriander? A mini explosion had rocked my kitchen. It so happened that I was preparing chutney with a generous sprinkling of green chilies in a mixer grinder. As I was about to close the lid after one round of mixing, my four year old obsessed with pushing buttons, sauntered in the kitchen. He playfully pressed the grinder button resulting in the splattering of green chutney all over the kitchen. And all over my face. Those manic moments with hot chutney in my eyes and mayhem in my kitchen are as fresh as the bunch of coriander my grocer delivered today! So clearly, when you think of certain smells, memories come alive, jumping out of nowhere.

Smiley to Smelly - Sport, Sweat and Scent
His Room, 2005


If your teenager loves to play soccer under scorching sun, can you stay away from sweat and smell? I remember picking up moist socks, wet tees followed by endless arguments about taking a shower. "It is for your own good, Take a bath right away, Don't lie on the couch, you are sweating, Your shoes smell." But, when your son announces that he scored a winner during a penalty shoot-out, you can’t trample his enthusiasm with heavy boots of smell, can you? How I wish Ambi Pur comes up with a device that can be installed in soccer studs and other sport shoes. Later when he left for college, little did I imagine that I will yearn for that same whiff of cologne tinged with the sporty smell of sweat!

Back to Smiley

If you are a mother, you can smell mischief. The deodorant in the cupboard reminds me of his college days. Though I always wanted to ask who he was meeting, I consciously refrained from intruding his privacy. When his dress was casual and hair ruffled, I imagined he was meeting his school friends. But when he used a cologne or a perfume and asked me if his shirt was just right, I could smell girls around.As always, the bounce of his gait, the tenor of his voice and the smell of his cologne tell me more than his words do.

Time flies. Today it is the sweet smell of his success that makes me smiley.

As I write, I realize that scents can be more evocative than pictures. Try it. Close your eyes and concentrate on a smell. Time will soon begin to roll backwards. No wonder fragrance and flashbacks go hand in hand. Or is it my remembrance that has implanted a whiff of scent to my nostalgia. Scentolgia, anyone?


Photo Credit: smashinghub.com
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