Thursday, February 20, 2014

Yours Seriously




They say, when a person cannot laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.  Some are serious by birth. Some victims of circumstances. And some get infected with age. Left untreated, the seriococci virus results in AWDS - Acquired Wit Deficiency Syndrome. People don't even realize how serious their life is, until someone asks them about their idea of fun. “Hain? Fun? Do I look like a kid?”

So, let’s end the hoopla, and cut to the chase. Here are some serious samples I have come across.

Serious Reader

I am sure it happens to you. Given that I dabble in humor and satire, it happens to me all the time.There you are writing a tongue-in-cheek piece, and suddenly wham, serious reactions begin to pour in from all directions. What is with people taking jokes seriously? So, even if the post is a funny take on Bappi Lahiri joining a political outfit, this is what I expect:

Annoyed Indian (seriously angry): The article shows that the writer is a thoughtless, brainless retard. What goes of her father if Bappi da wants to serve the nation?

Serious Gal: Annoyed Indian, you lack upbringing. You got paid to write this?

Annoyed Indian: Upbringing? Watta joke, are you from stone age lady?

Seriously Crazy Guy (refuses to read the article or the preceding comments): WTF? Bappi Da’s muzic is not a joke. It has soul, unlike that ‘Tere doggie ko mujpe bhonkne ka nai’.

Serious Gal(flexes her serious feminist muscles): Stone age? Doggie? Deep down every man is the same. Seems you got bashed by your wife. Serves you right.



What is obvious, is that emotions are amplified on electronic media. One reason could be that social networks are an ideal place to seek concurrence for your views without explaining the context. Moreover, we live in such fractured times that one man’s hero is another man’s villain. It doesn’t matter whether you are a right winger, a left winger or a moderate - the thin line between having opinions and being opinionated has blurred. And I am not talking about anonymous trolls here.

Serious Activists


Serious activists are so sensitive that they begin sanitizing the society by telling you how to think. While they profess respect for opponents, they want the opponents to curl up and die. They are so serious that they take freedom seriously. Freedom to resort to violence, freedom to abuse, freedom to shout, freedom to insult and freedom to poke their nose into everyone else’s business. Kuch bhi. After all, condition serious hai.

Drunk Serious


They are an adorable lot. Basically they are not serious. But after guzzling down a few pegs, the overflow of seriousness becomes seriously funny. I am sure you can identify with the following.
‘Kam**ne, shaadi kar li? Par voh to teri bhabhi thi re. Achcha chod, yeh mat samajh ki pee kay bol raha hoon. Main teri dil se izzat karta hoon be. Promise, pucca, kal se daru band. Serious.’

Serious Aunty

Let me share an anecdote here. I live on the tenth floor and the lady who is on the ninth floor of my apartment is always disgusted with something or the other. I dread her calls even if she calls to invite me for her granddaughter's birthday.

Aunty: What have you done?

Me: What happened?

Aunty (seriously angry): How can you be so careless? It ij hanging in my balkoney.

Me: (I rush out and see nothing but my bed cover hanging on the railing). What is hanging in your balcony?

Aunty: Your lawn-giri.

Me: Huh?

Aunty: Arre baba, your lacy stuff. It ij entangled in the tassels of your bed cover.  What if my husband saw it? Next time I find it dangling in my face, I am going to burn it.

Phew! Talk about bra-burning.


Finally, I come back to my favorite category - serious readers. They lurk around every nook and corner of the cyberspace. What if I publish this post on any website other than my blog? It will be an open game.  This is what I expect from anonymous readers.

Serious Nerd: Why do you even write? Even a ten year old can write better than this.

Argumentative Indian: Really? Who are you to judge her writing? A Booker Prize winner?

Selfish Netizen (serious about promotion, article be damned): The video you posted is really nice. Do visit my photography blog. www.sultrycheeks.cum

Serious Nerd(ignores the Selfish Nettie and gives it back to the Argumentative Indian): So you think only Booker Prize winners can write? Have you read Tagore? Or are you the Chetan Bhagat types?

Argumentative Indian: I guess u tried to crack JEE entrance but couldn’t. Right? Tsk, tsk.Go to mommy!

Serious Nerd: You think IIT-ians are God’s gift to mankind? Look what that ‘Muffler Topi Guy’ did to Delhi! Disgusting.

Selfish Netizen (serious about his own promotion): Hey, wassup? I am giving five packets of Gas Bhagao Churan free. Yes, free!!!Unbelievable isn’t it? Log on to www. gasbhagao.org. Order now. Follow me on twitter. 


Hell hath no fury like a person defending his state, caste, religion, sex or gender. The condition then becomes so serious that the AWDS infected patient lands straight in an ICU.
 Arrey baba, it is our work, and not ourselves, that we need to take seriously. Someone rightly said, dream as you'll live forever, live as you'll die today.
So how about munching that yummy caramel loaded Five Star lying in your refrigerator. 

This post is written for Indiblogger Cadbury Five Star contest - Condition Serious Hai.

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74 comments:

  1. Seriously,next time when i am peeved beyond control,i will head to the net and lose it on all and sundry.
    Thanks for showing me this way out and of course good luck for the contest.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Its the safest place to vent ire. Shoot and scoot.:)

      Delete
  2. hahahaah...bra burning!! hahah made me forget whatever I wanted to comment !!
    Seriously, seriousness is a serious disease!!
    Best of luck with the contest.
    Hum bhi participate karenge! :D

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  3. Best of luck for the contest. Seriously speaking I am not serious about being party to any serious business and please note I am very very serious teek hai :))))

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  4. I am scattered over almost all the categories :)
    You are not wrong to say that popular junta ( me included ) lack wit. We do. Blame it on age, times we are having or the company we put ourselves into. Definitely not easy to take things lightly- at least, not always.

    Its the rainbow that makes writing worthwhile, doesn't it? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, you are not. Well, okay maybe a little bit. But you are serious serious not angry serious.
      :)

      Delete
  5. Lol!
    IS this list limited to us Indians only? I think we all belonged and still do belong to one of the categories at some point in our lives :) P.S. my blog is at....;)

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    Replies
    1. I guess, it is universal. Serious serious is welcome but angry serious bothers me.
      :)

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  6. Lol Alka. It's sadly a very true state of affairs :) People are way too serious and take everything too seriously! lovely post and good luck for the contest

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  7. ROFL bra burning!!! oh gawd :D from where do you get these ideas :D awesome write up.

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    Replies
    1. I dramatized it a bit but this actually happened Rajlakshmi. Honest.
      :)

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  8. Bra burning! Hahaha! Lovely! All the best for the contest...:)

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  9. Serious neighbor category is so irritating. LOL !
    I came across few such ppl tooo and I wrote some thng based on office scenarios though not this hilarious
    Hoping to finish and publish soon
    Lovely take Alka as always!

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    Replies
    1. Look forward to reading your post Afshan.
      Thank you for the wishes.

      Delete
  10. hahaha The readers and the neighbor aunty I could really relate to. Well, there are all kinds of morose people around us. Fun post this and good luck for the contest!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Rachna. I was traveling, haven't visited your blog recently. Will catch up soon.

      Delete
  11. haha :D serious bra-burning :P Good luck with the contest.

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  12. What can I say, I am not able to decide where should I put my name in. :P

    Are you absolutely sure that you have covered all types of serious, or should I start a dharna against this post shouting 'hamari maange poori karo!' or maybe resort to Gandhigiri and start sending 'get well soon' bouquets? Perhaps, I'll just put a ROFLMAO here.

    ROFLMAO!

    There! :-)
    Nothing hilarious is coming into my head right now, so I guess, I'll just keep quiet. Otherwise you'll know ke meri condition serious hai :P

    Best of luck!

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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    Replies
    1. You don't belong to any of the above categories Anshul. You are never angry serious. If at all, you are philosophical, intellectually stimulating and poetic, which is welcome.

      Delete
  13. Talk about these comments! Sometimes I spend my time just going through those of the most sensational news item . Entertainment guaranteed! And yes, the seriousness will go away!

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  14. hahaha, in sab ki condition kafi serious hai!
    Next time wrap your lingeri in a gift wrap and throw it in the neighbor aunty' balcony! :D

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  15. Ha ha ha...Maza aa gaya...condition wakai mein serious ho chuki hai... :-D Loved every bit of it, especially the bra-burning and the Booker Prize winners. Serves a lot on my wishlist. :-P

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  16. Seriously funny... or wittily serious... all I know is that loved reading this post.

    Arvind Passey
    www.passey.info

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  17. I would hate to have my lawn-giri burned unceremoniously too! Dangerous types, those neighbors. Seriously dangerous.

    This is one of the best pieces I have read from your pen Alka. And you are already outstanding. I'll run out of superlatives at this rate. More power to your pen!
    Dagny

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    Replies
    1. Aww, thank you dear Dagny. So so happy you enjoyed it.

      Delete
  18. If you don't win this, there is no God, or great judges. :D Hilarious!
    I could do with some 'Gas Bhagao Churan'. I am sure, when I eat it, it will make me laugh out loud just the way it's mention did. :D
    Great profiling of personalities.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you PP, means a lot. The topic was close to my heart. Vaise, I have never ever won any Indi contest. Not even a gift voucher.:(

      Delete
  19. This is so damn seriously funny!! its got the typical Alka-chaap humour:) You better win for this piece..its a masterpiece.

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  20. The bit about the netizens had me rolling on the floor laughing ! This is a laugh riot Alka !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was waiting to write about them and this topic was just right.
      :)
      Thanks Ruch.

      Delete
  21. This one has 'winner' written all over it, Alka! :)

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    Replies
    1. I don't know about winning Corinne, but it is so good to see you here.
      :)

      Delete
  22. That's an excellent post indeed. The readers do make an entertaining lot...I really love to read all the verbal bashing they indulge in :)

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  23. I am seriously serious about reading not so serious blog of Alka Gurha.
    Keep up with such wonderful writing

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  24. The bra burning and gas Bhagao Churan had me in splits :P each time I think you couldn't do it any better, you come up with another gem. All the best for the contest Alka :)

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  25. Booker Prize winner.....Chetan Bhagat types.......ha ha......you nailed it Alka :). I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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  26. hahaha I can't stop laughing this was so good Alka!! Loved it!! what can I say what all the others before me haven't said already!

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  27. Ha Ha! Cool one. Some people indeed are too serious in their net interactions. Best of luck for the contest.

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    Replies
    1. True, haven't we met them on line?
      Thanks LF.

      Delete
  28. "Even a 10 year old writes better than you do" sounds too familiar for comfort :-)

    The problem is, many confuse freedom of speech with freedom to offend. With time we all learn to take the brickbats with a pinch of salt. And didn't a wise man once say - opinions are like a-holes, everyone has one!

    Rest assured, no one can accuse you of being afflicted with AWDS :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was waiting for you to spot that!
      Frankly I was shocked when I read that comment.
      There is no dearth of serious opinionated souls on the net. Thankfully, we seldom meet them on our blogs.

      Delete
  29. There REALLY is a line between having an opinion and being opinionated still, Alka? I thought I was the only one still under the illusion, after seeing so many people talk things like "This dish lacks spice" instead of "I take more spice in my food" :)

    And, now, I know what lawn-giri means :)

    As one of those who attempts to dabble in humor, I have had a lot of those comments too :)

    THIS was 'seriously' funny :) As Purba says, no AWDS for you :)

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    Replies
    1. Great, I am AWDS free, certified by none other than the best humor specialist!
      Thank you Suresh.

      Delete
  30. This disease is real. As a race, I think we are missing the part of brain that processes humor that is more evolved than a fat man slipping in a banana peel. Ab, how to even fix a defect that is congenital?
    There, I used a word which has the word genital in it. I think Serious Reader will object!
    Loved the post. And your bra burning neighbor too!

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    Replies
    1. Chee-chee. What kind of words are you using? What if your uncle ji happens to read this?

      I didn't say that. That was my neighbor.

      Delete
  31. That was quite a list that you compiled from street activists to women's lib activists......:) It is always a treat to read your satirical take on issues, Alka!

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  32. Discovered this thanks to the serious contest (for which even SJD has put out a serious post)! What a treat. Who cares about the contest, this one is a keeper.

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    1. You made my day Subho. Coming from you, means a lot.

      Delete
  33. All the best for the contest Alka! and being serious is too mainstream :-D

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  34. Alka, this is just great. 'Gas bhagao churan', 'balconey'. You are killing me. :)

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  35. Woohoo.. Alka, this was a great great post :)

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    1. So good to see you here Sakshi. Thanks.

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  36. Truly AWDS is a serious condition all over nowadays, really enjoyed reading it and could relate many incidents with it..

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    Replies
    1. Glad the post resonated with you.
      Thank you!

      Delete
  37. LOL AWDS ! That was fun reading ! On a serious note ;) , loved the line - 'the thin line between having opinions and being opinionated has blurred' .. couldn't agree more.Half the people don't even understand this difference any more !

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