Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Pick Up Lines





The trigger for writing this piece is a news snippet I read today. According to a UK based newspaper, George Clooney wooed his girlfriend Amal Alamuddin, by e-mailing flirty messages, including a message that said, The world’s hottest man should meet the hottest human rights lawyer’. Which means that pick-up lines are not an exclusive preserve of teens and tweens. Being of incurably curious mind, I can’t stop but think what Diggs said when he was wooing a pretty journalist. ‘Mein Nahin Hum’. Or ‘Now that I’ve met you, I’ll cancel my shaadi.com account’.

If I go back in time,  the rules of wooing have changed dramatically. In the Bollywood obsession phase, much before the arrival of Facebook or Whatsapp, film songs did the job of pick-up lines admirably. Interested parties would send radio requests or hum a few lines commenting on the depth of those eyes, or the beauty of that lethal smile. In the absence of a virtual world, there was no choice but to muster enough courage and say, ‘Can we be friends?’ All the while protecting one cheek, and preparing to flee in case the girl decided to take off her sandals. Because prior to Facebook, friendship request actually meant, can we go on a date? In some cases it also meant, will you be my wife and the mother of my children?

Regardless, most women would agree that pick-up lines are tacky and cheesy. Any intelligent woman will hate that a man actually thought a pick up line would work on her. So why use pick-up lines?

The basic premise, I think is Hasee To Phasee. But a lot depends on who is saying what and where. The context. The setting. The chemistry. The intent. Introductory pick-up lines backfire unless the chemistry is already working. The ones with sexual tones are a big No-No. Expect one tight slap if you begin with a, 'Hello. Your place or mine?' 

Coming back to my favorite topic, the political seducers and seducee are ready for bed hopping. The BJP, I hear is wooing allies to boost the numbers in the Rajya Sabha. Since the top brass is busy placating egos, may I suggest some pick-up lines to woo alliance partners. Why, even their own sulking women folk can be manaoed with ‘Is it hot here or is it just you?’Sush Ji would be more than happy.

For AIDMK :

They say friendship starts with F. I think it starts with J.

For BJD:

I will never let you fall. Because I have a band-Aid for you.

For TMC:

You are like a candy bar. Half sweet, half nuts.

For BSP:

Baby, you shouldn’t get your statues erected. It’s messing with perfection.

(If the BJP get less than 200)

For AAP:

Your broom just swept me off my feet.

For RAAP( Rakhee Sawant’s Party - I am sure she is winning):

Baby, you are like Gillette. The best a man can get. 
Image Courtesy: Google Images

51 comments:

  1. OK! Scratch my intended comment about getting the info too late :P

    AND what would the Congress say? "Forget the other guy. Apna relationship better hoga - Equal-Equal'? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are the best when it comes to witty one-liners. I wouldn't call them pick-up lines.

      Delete
  2. Call it bad taste, but the extensive marketing, sorry, election campaign has left a pick up line on my tongue and I kept comparing all these pickup lines with the one I heard the most, 'ab ki baar'... bah!!

    Blasphemous Aesthete

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is Shukrawaar Modi Sarkaar!
      Yeah, Bah. Overdose actually.

      Delete
  3. Ha ha....loved the political pick up lines! They would all jump at the offers. Sandal is only for losers :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Haha. Loved your post...and Aesthete's comment.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yes, a lot depends on who is saying what and where.
    Sometimes without saying a word things happen (early Amitabh style)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I must say that the man in the picture in your post has an uncanny resemblance to Shwetabh Mathur, a blogger from Delhi, who we all call 'the zombie blogger'.
    And, by the way, the Congress probably has the most sensual pick-up line: 'Main nahin, hum... let's hum together , babes!'

    Arvind Passey
    www.passey.info

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good one Arvind. Unfortunately, no one is humming with them.
      :)

      Delete
  7. Dear men, If you want her to think you're smart, funny, somewhat good looking and laugh at all your jokes, just keep refilling her drink. Believe me, nothing is more effective.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha. Forget men, no one can match your wit Purba.
      I'd rather drink with you. Soon.
      Cheers!

      Delete
  8. Alka, you have such a wonderful flair for such satires! This was a pleasure to read! I am still laughing at BSP's pick- up line. Perfection... oh God!

    Rofl....!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *Dancing*
      So happy to see you here. Thanks dear.

      Delete
  9. I liked RAAP's the best !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ruch, I searched the net for hours for that one!
      I was mulling on:
      Can I have directions? To your heart. Oops Statue.

      Delete
  10. Cool pick up lines for the parties....let's just wait and watch which 'partner' the party chooses or is it 'flying solo' this time ??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They need numbers in the Rajya Sabha. So everyone's invited.
      :)

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. Most are from the net. I twisted them a bit.
      :)

      Delete
  12. I've said it before, and I'm going to say it again. No one does satire, especially Political Satire better than you. Brilliant collection and I'm sitting here guffawing like a madman, and Rishi is laughing along with me. Not that he understands :P
    Great stuff Alka

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sid, I dont know if all this makes any sense. But what I know is that I enjoy penning political satires.
      A warm hug for Rishi. May he always be happy.
      Thanks.

      Delete
  13. LOVED the BSP pick up line, still guffawing at it :P

    ReplyDelete
  14. Loved the way you built the idea of pick up lines for wooing of political parties. I am scared to switch on the telly these days. The cacophony is deafening. They are a bunch of jokers. Nicely penned.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True Rachna. They are either on Revital or Rum.
      Crazy it is.

      Delete
  15. hahahaha I like the won by TMC...Cnady bar half sweet half nuts...ahahahahah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As luck would have it, candy bar is not in demand.

      Delete
  16. :) you are a genius .. copyright these ... loved them .. he he he

    Bikram

    ReplyDelete
  17. Genius of Alka Gurha to come up with jaw breaking pick up lines. Rakhi Sawant might as well endorse it :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most are from the Internet. I just Modi-fied and twisted a few words.
      :)

      Delete
  18. Frankly, the Indian Voter has seen pick-up lines used on him for ages now. From Garibi Hatao to Abki Baar, most seem to have done their trick too. Despite the fact that the one using them has usually been dreadful in bed!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, entire nation was wooed with Abki Baar. Hoping for the best.

      Delete
  19. That was fun. Loved the one on Rakhi sawant and the BSP

    ReplyDelete
  20. haha! Love the list but now post results and landslide, I dunt think nethg would work. Just imagine NaMo telling Jayalalitha, "I didn't come on my own, your devotion dragged me to you, O' Devi." And Rakhi to NaMo, "Whatever ma age, I am sweet 15 for you and people vouched for it."

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think I am a bit late on commenting on this one as the results are out now.. I loved your last pick up lines :) May be now you should come up with a new post of the winners :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am equally late in replying. Thanks Prudhvi.

      Delete
  22. It's a grand political,pick up.
    Somewhere ,congress could have found a mention ,now that they have 44 seats and Rahul,is still a non performing asset

    ReplyDelete
  23. I was very encouraged to find this site. I wanted to thank you for this special read.
    I definitely savored every little bit of it and I have bookmarked you to check out new stuff you post.

    Food Delivery in Train at Jhansi Station

    ReplyDelete
  24. Congratulations in being in the Directory of Best Indian Blogs for 2013-14

    ReplyDelete
  25. The pick up lines are very good. ;)

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  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

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