On the Fringes of Life

 The Write Tribe Wednesday Prompt # 7
 
Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart. – Winnie the Pooh

In her book 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying' a nurse rendering palliative care writes about the most common regrets people have at the end of their lives. Most of the comments posted on this article were compulsively readable and thought provoking.

Some said that the nurse was out to make money from the misery of her patients. Others  said, they had no regrets at all.

I really pity the vain girl who wrote, ‘If I were to die in the next few minutes, I would regret the fact that I've still not gotten dressed yet.’

Then there was a guy who said, ‘I don't need to be on my deathbed to regret not having more sex - it's a recurring sentiment every morning. ’

A pessimist filled with a sense of futility, commented, ‘God, I regret being born. It's just years of sorrow and regret and then decay and death.’

This article compelled me to introspect. The top five regrets according to the nurse were:

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

I have to admit that I was true to myself, so no regrets on this account.

I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

 I wish I had worked hard. Being inherently lazy, and inspired by Bertrand Russell’s famous essay, ‘In Praise of Idleness’, I have ample idleness and leisure in my life.

I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.

I wish I could hide some. I display emotions with childlike ease which complicates situations.

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

I don’t have many friends, but I am satisfied with my limited trusted list of friends. No regrets.

I wish I had let myself be happier.

Let me rephrase this one. I wish I was not a worrier. I wish I was less anxious about things that were not in my control. Events in life have unraveled and unfolded in unimaginable ways. And worrying never solved any problem. Never.

Since the first four regrets were not on my list, I pondered over the fifth one. How was it possible to let myself be happier? More sport, more music, more travel, more places is all I can think. But the real answer eludes me.

The answer perhaps is in giving more, and not asking for more. Maybe, giving happiness is the only way happiness can come in our lives.
But no point waiting for apocalypse to figure out regrets, if any.  Now is the time.

Picture Courtesy: Flickr/winter-light

China to Chandni Chowk

A Chinese electronics manufacturer, I am told, is leading the set-top box (STB) market in India as we shift to the era of digital TV. Close to seventy percent of STBs sold within the country are imported, mainly from China.

So what exactly is my quibble? Two things.

First is the ambiguity regarding the need to import such basic appliances? That a nuclear power has to import STBs is a mystery more complex than Rahul Gandhi’s marital status or Shahrukh’s urge to be a dad again. The fact is that some multi-system operators are manufacturing STBs, but with the escalation of import duty there are no real incentives for domestic production. Why wasn’t a plan in place, given the deadline of complete digitization by 2014?

It so happened that my set-top box began behaving like a temperamental teen. In the presence of guests or during an important match, it displays errors for no rhyme or reason. This was a week before the rains arrived. So the issue was purely technical and not linked to bad weather.

Second, the technological means adopted by telecom companies to register a complaint are frustrating. If you love listening to music and punching keys, lodging a complaint can be fun. If you don’t, continue taking deep breaths and slowly count till ten, while your service provider takes you on a merry ride.

‘Namaskar. XXX main aapka sawagat hai. Yadi aap Hindi mein baat karna chahate hain to kripya ek dabaye. If you wish to proceed in English press 2.’

Irrespective of what you press, you get to hear recorded messages in Hinglish. The route to speak to a live human is via inescapable recorded self-promotion. Watch Champions Trophy on X channel, watch movies on Y channel, and so on.

I am sure you are familiar with the tone and tenor of the recorded sing-song voice, which desperately tries to sound sexy but ends up sounding like a sensual witch. Jaldi kijiye, offer seemit hai.

Finally, after some more music and due process of ‘Press this and Press that’ I was able to speak to a live customer care representative.

‘Line par bane rehene ke liye dhanyavaad. Alka ji apke sheher ka mausam kaisa hai?’

‘Mausam to ashiqana hai, but set-top box is not working.’

Make note of the irony, that each time I lodge a complaint, I get a ‘Happy Code’. To be fair to my service provider, a technician promptly visited my place. But the set-top box conked off within minutes of his leaving. Again. This happened thrice in a week. By the end, I was as bugged as I was when I saw ‘Chandni Chowk to China’.

Given our reputation of hanky-panky, I reckon someone in the telecom industry is already a billionaire and someone in China is smiling all the way to the bank, while consumers fret and fume.

Why should the consumer accept substandard STBs? Last minute ‘jugaad’ technology is visible in every sphere of life, be it disaster management or technology advancement. Unfortunate.

Power Chat – Anytime, Anywhere, Anyone

Amartya Sen, in his book ‘The Argumentative Indian’ was spot on when he wrote about the Indian penchant for debates, discussion and intellectual pluralism. The chatting gene is hardwired in our DNA. We love to chat. Simple!

The new mobile application,We Chat, provides a platform to communicate via voice messages, texts and images. Since the download is free and works on multiple platforms, I was able to chat with five celebrities featuring on the new Indian Edition of Power List 2014.

Navjoke Singh Sidhu: Why Sidhu? Well, for the sheer fun of his verbal acrobatics. Have you seen anyone so tickled by his own jokes? With a surfeit of opinions, he is like a vending machine for quotes and proverbs. And you don’t even have to insert a coin.

“Congratulations on toppling Dhoni to become most powerful sport celebrity. Tell me, how do you memorize so many quotes?”

“Dekho, we are what we quote. A quotation is like a diamond in the

hands of a man of wit. I was always good. Soon after my birth I told the nurse, 'That’s the last time I am going up there'," laughs Sidhu. "Hehohahaha."

“Tell me about the cricket controlling board,” I ask smiling through gritted teeth. “This is a private, so spill.”

“Guru, the board is like a new bra - shining cups, tight hold and hardly any transparency. It is like a new born baby - a loud mouth on one end and no sense of responsibility on the other. It is like...”

I quit. But Sidhu continues to shake his Android phone to look for other chat partners.

***

Arnab Goswami: Being the judge, jury, executioner, petitioner, defendant and the final arbitrator of all that is right, Arnab is the most powerful media celebrity. Night after night, he hyperventilates to purge the nation from its miseries. Why? Because the nation wants to know!

“Good morning Arnab. The nation is wondering what’s behind all the bluster and voice modulation?”

“Nothing yaar. Since I don’t get to speak at home, I shout during News

Hour,” says Arnab as he looks around. “This is a private, right?”

“Yep. So Arnab, are you as confrontational with your wife as you are with the television guests? Yes or No?”

“With her, I am as aggressive as A.K. Hangal of Sholay,” says Arnab sheepishly.

***

Mallika Sherawat: The self-proclaimed international star toppled Katrina to become the most powerful actress. I am not sure about her acting talent but our Haryanavi girl sure has guts. A chat with Mallika enlightened me on issues of women empowerment and career management. Here is a glimpse.

“What’s with your twang Mallika? The accent, I mean,” I ask her.

“What twaaangg?"

I send her a video. 

"Nonsense. I used to speak the same way as a kid in Rohtak. I was this little girl who kind of spoke hurr mind, gave hurr opinions and smooched all the cows in hurr cowshed,” says Mallika.

***

Sanjay Jhaa: Cometh the hour, cometh the man. His gold winning performance in defending the indefensible has helped him earn a place among the most powerful in politics. He straddles the political and the virtual world with amazing smugness. Impressed with his ability to handle the media, I chatted with the indignant loyalist who has become the most powerful politician in 2014.

“Sanjay, you were the lone warrior of an unrepentant state. How

did you manage to face Arnab’s wrath?”

“Easy. Offense is the best form of defense. And when I don’t have an answer, I change the question. Then, I am good at convincing people that two wrongs make a right. It works all the time. Try it.”

***

EN Srinivasan: Confronted with adversity, Mr Srinivasan stood ground like a mountain in a snow storm. Imagine molesting morality, crushing outrage and becoming the most powerful Indian businessman? His cement company contributed to Bharat Nirman and he toppled Mukesh Ambani to emerge as the most powerful businessman in 2014. My Android phone connected instantly with his iOS via Facebook.

“How do you manage to survive the media onslaught with such

amazing self-righteousness?”

“What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. And stop hounding me.”

“I am not hounding you. In fact I want to invite you for a Group Chat to learn from your survival strategy,” I plead.

“I’m busy. I’ll record my message and release it to send later,” says Srinivasan and walks away.

***

I invited the above five for a Group Chat and we discussed all about being rich, famous and powerful.

Me: Guys, congratulations. How does it feel to be on the Power List, 2014?

Sidhu (laughs uncontrollably): Guru, someone has rightly said that being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people that you are, you aren’t.

Mallika: Huh? I dhon’t agree. Unless you tell people, how will they know? It’s all about shouting and announcing. I was the first woman to wear a bikini, you know. And I am in LA right now.

Srinivasan (angrily): What rubbish! Who is she? Power is not governed by what others think of you. I think therefore I am.

Arnab (agitated): Mr. Jha? I heard you manipulated your way on this list. Is it true? I demand an answer.

Sanjay (smiles): Have you tried it on the rocks Arnab? Power is like a peg which encourages notions of divinity. It is worth all the sucking up. I don’t care much for fame. Fame brings scrutiny. And money? Well as far as I know, power and money go hand in hand.

Arnab (getting all worked up): No. No. No. Please be specific. Times Now has proof that you manipulated your way on this list, Mr Jha. The nation wants to know.

Sanjay (confidently): So what? Srini did it too.

Srinivasaan (calls his lawyer): Dude, I am going to sue you. And Sidhu, you come and see me in the office.

Sidhu quits and leaves for Chennai immediately .

Me: Chill guys. Tell me, if you had to pick between wealth, power and fame, which one would you go for and why?

Sanjay (smiles): All three.

Srinivasan: Power without accountability any day.

Arnab: What about responsibility Mr. Srinivasan? The universe demands an answer.

Srinivasan: I make my own rules Mr. Goswami.

Arnab: You bet!

Mallika (flutters eyelashes and squeals):  He bets? Really? I'll go for him.

Sanjay (confused): Who is this girl? I have seen her somewhere.

Me: She is on your  Facebook cover Mr Jha. Arnab, what about you ? Power, wealth or money?

Arnab: As long as I get to expose, all three will come to me.

Mallika: How can you expose? Exposing is my forte. See? (Uses

the ‘Moments’ feature to share this picture.)

Srinivasan quits. Sanjay saves the picture on his latest Samsung.

Arnab: What about you Alka?

Me: You know what? Suddenly, I feel strange contentment in being penniless, anonymous and powerless.

(Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction as imagined by the writer. The intention is not to insult or malign individuals. This is a contest entry for Indiblogger in partnership with We Chat. Pictures are sourced from Wikipedia and Google. )