After Film Awards emerged as the most prestigious platform for recognizing excellence in the Indian film industry, the political fraternity decided to celebrate the outstanding contributions made in the world of politics. After all, politics provides much amusement and fun, doesn’t it? Pollies too can take credit for some fabulously entertaining acts. It is only fair then that they organized their own ‘Polscar Awards’ night in far off Cayman Islands.
And guess what? I was invited. Must be my good karma! Cutting across party lines most prominent neta log were present. And since it is not fair to have all the fun alone, I will share some nuggets from the star studded extravaganza.
Okay, on to the red carpet and who wore what. The first lady and Congress leader looked her classy self in a chic Versace Creation and a matching silver clutch. The BJP President’s Armani Tux was bursting at seams but exuded power. The BSP supremo donned a blush pink Roberto Cavalli off shoulder gown with hand crafted elephant motifs on it. The mercurial Trinamool leader looked stunning clad in a chiffon creation by Elie Saab. Local girls were swooning over the dashing Samajwadi leader who looked dapper in a black leather jacket. The girls went hoarse shouting and screaming his name. The father, not the son! Anyway, they looked the same.
Fade out. In the auditorium. The extravagant stage lit up. The young hosts Rahul and Varun, had the audience in splits. First up was the award for Most Promising Newcomer. The award went to the well deserved Rockstar - The eternal hope of Indian politics - The fourth ‘JI’ after Sonia Ji, Rahul Ji, Priyanka Ji….Yes, you guessed it right. Robert Ji. Dilli ke Damaad Ji. I remember how women went dhak dhak when the stunner had hit the UP campaign trail on his bike. He was right, people love him so much. Entire nation fervently hopes that after Rahul and Priyanka , Robert Ji guides the nation through the economic mess. We simply love his sense of entitlement. I mean, look at the astute business sense…After all political career buys insurance for both, business interests and future generations. Doesn’t it?
The Best actor in a Comic Role was shared by three Karnataka MLAs for their comic act in the Dirty Picture. In their acceptance speech one of them said, “I wish to thank the opposition member who sent me the lovely clip. Being a woman and child minister, I was simply trying to understand the intricacies involved in a rape case. How it is done and why it is done….And if that made the entire nation laugh, I am happy.”
Here are the nominations for the best dialogues; ‘Rahul Ji is our only hope’ ‘Rahul Ji will rule UP with a remote control’ ‘Ganga (BJP) mein a ke naala bhi pavitra ho jaata hai’ and ‘Don’t give any importance to these paaltu kutte of my rival parties’. The award was given by the veteran Diggy Ji (Previous winner of 14 best dialogue trophies). Who won? Well, Behen ji, of course.
Now you want to know who won the Best Actress? Renuka (She wore a Dior, just in case you were interested) won the award for defending the indefensible. She sure has the knack of conversing with her eyes, her shrugs and her smirks.
Finally, The Best Actor Award went to Salman for his histrionic skills, the dramatic pauses and the voice modulation. The political industry will never forget his powerful speech in Azamgarh where he recounted how madam wept copiously. The applause was deafening. And what’s more? He did an encore when madam came on stage to hand over the coveted trophy. Overcome with emotions Salman sobbed uncontrollably. Rahul had to wipe his tears. Salman K has kept that handkerchief and plans to get it framed for posterity.
The Best Director? Well, you guessed it right. The Director with the remote control! The party men clapped so hard that their hands hurt long after the ceremony. And Salman was almost in tears….again. Khushi ke aansoo!
The Best Film? The 2G saga, The NHRM scam, The CWG scam and The Mining scam were all nominated. Who won? They are all winners! Aren’t they?
(This spoof is a figment of displaced imagination and any resemblance to living legends is coincidental)