Friday, September 16, 2011

Cupid Strikes




(With several hate-mails doing the North-South rounds, it’s time for some fictional love across the borders.)

Hello,

When two fearless and single souls engage in an endearing war of words, then surely it is destiny playing cupid behind the scenes. Please don’t trample my tender outpourings with heavy boots…err sandals of reason, for this letter comes straight from my heart.

Living under house arrest here in UK, I have been watching many Hindi films with English subtitles. Sorry, but it took a Hindi movie for me to recognize your feelers veiled in threats. You see, while watching, ‘Pagla kahin ka’ I realized that an archetype of a Bollywood coy heroine, before falling head over heels (that reminds me of your sandals) in love for the hero fondly calls him awaara , paglaa, or deewana. Ahh...so you called me mad out of love.

So far my exposes have evoked either a silence or a denial, but not a single soul organized a press conference to label me a mad man. Thank God you did! For that’s when I saw you on TV.
The smoldering eyes, the enviable duskiness, the olive skin, the cropped hair and the pink dress have resulted in many a sleepless nights. I toss and turn as I imagine myself slipping sandals on your dainty feet. People call me a whistle blower but honestly for you, I am ready to blow the whistle until my last breath.

I have missed much in life as I did not have a companion but now I am smitten by your adorable anger. I promise to taste food, water and air before every morsel you eat, every sip you take and every breath you inhale. I sense a fire burning on both sides. Why else would you want me in Agra mental asylum, in Mayaland?

Together we will expose your opponents, strip them and make sure that they are writhing on a mat. Together we will create a proud Aussie Dalit legacy, one sandstone elephant at a time. Together we shall travel in your private jet and collect exotic footwear from around the world.
Quite coincidentally, as I write this letter the music wafting from my TV has a baritone voice reciting, “Kabhie kabhie mere dil mein khayal aata hai, ki jaise….”

Longing for the next opportunity to meet and hoping for an asylum. Even the mental one will do for I am in love over your celebrated heels.

Ever yours,

Mayasmitten
Julian Assange


35 comments:

  1. hahahaha!

    i was in splits really, this was too good!
    and yes, UP must be renamed as Mayaland as per her literal worship going on there

    ReplyDelete
  2. Alka... Maya's reply would be.. You may love me or you may hate me , but you cannot ignore me!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL..I was planning to write about the Maya-Assange leela, even made notes, but changed my mind.

    Assange in Maya's jaal is a delightful prospect. Should we call it Taming of the Shrew?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Superb post! I can see in future.. a "Hollywood" type 'MayaWood' sign in Lucknow.

    All hail Behanji.

    ReplyDelete
  5. soon MAYALAND will start conquering other parts and the MAYA raj will spread .. :)

    I am having fun jsut reading about it all .. makes me smile at the pathetic situation around

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ewww hahaha! I'm hoping Assange doesn't barf or isn't put off food, water and women for good after reading this.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I cannot stop doing awww. What a way to express the feeling of lub; beyond anything. An Archies card would do the left out.
    Haha. Who’d have thought Freebird will someday leak Wikileaks.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hahaha! Super funny post...Assange and Maya- they would sure make a cute Aussie- Dalit pair:))) Let the whistle blowwww!

    ReplyDelete
  9. @AS...Imagine both riding her pet elephant in the alleys of Lucknow.

    @Rahul...Yes, you are right. Cant ignore her.

    @Purba...It would be interesting to read your point of view. Both of them are such interesting personalities that it is difficult to stay away from their antics.

    ReplyDelete
  10. @DG...Yes, Mayawood or Mayaland is now being covered in bronze after her marble fascination is over.

    @Bikram...recently she had her statue demolished and rebuilt as the height of her statute was smaller than her mentor Kanshirams.

    @Samadrita...He would love Lucknawi kebabs..

    ReplyDelete
  11. @Prateek...Freebird is matchmaking, spreading love.On second thoughts I hope I dont sound like those ladies who indulge in matchmaking as a hobby.

    @Cloudnine..:) Both are single, strong and opinionated...made for each other.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Whatever Assange has been upto, he doesn't deserve this! He would just puke.

    Other than that, very well written, as usual.

    ReplyDelete
  13. LOL that was fun..
    I had a constant smile on my face throughout the post :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Mayaland.. ohh great.. or may be Maya & Rahul joint venture thing.. Julian better be ready for the Agra hospitality.

    Weakest LINK

    ReplyDelete
  15. very funny.. It was interesting as always!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Superb post, you are very talented indeed, and a welcome change in tone, compared to all the negativity doing the rounds in blogworld recently...well said...

    ReplyDelete
  17. That was one lovelorn gent pining for his love. You have certainly spread love and goodwill across the seas Alka. Hurrah to the Freebird!

    @Purba: Did you mean 'shew' (shoe) perhaps?

    @Umashankar: LOL

    ReplyDelete
  18. Whatever,Mayawati just cant be ignored.She does what she thinks is right for her and her brand of politics.

    ReplyDelete
  19. @Umashankar..Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder....dil to pagaal hai...lol.

    @@jyoti..:)

    @Rachit..We the residents of Mayaland and brethren of behenji welcome Aussie jiju.

    ReplyDelete
  20. @Harman..:)

    @AAD...Thanks indeed.


    @Zephyr...Freebird the love messenger!ha, ha taming of the shew and vandals...shoe and sandals.

    @BKC...She is a powerhouse no doubt..Lucknow has become a marble fortress.

    ReplyDelete
  21. superb post Alka...can't stop laughing :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hahaha....but seriously, Why? What has Mr. Assange done to you that you are planning such horrors for him?
    I tried to imagine someone falling for Mayawati and just couldn't digest it. And now thanks to your post, I have a bad case of Delhi Belly.

    ReplyDelete
  23. laugh riot-though u made me realize once again that I need to know more about at least my own state-sigh...so much work n bojh for my poor shoulders:-)

    ReplyDelete
  24. @SUB...coming from you means a lot.

    @Snow Leopard...Jab dil aaya Maya pe to pari kya cheez hai. If two strong powerful single souls find happiness in trying Lucknawai kebabs we mortals should not raise eyebrows...Delhi belly:)

    @Suruchi...Suru, I am jobless but you have Seeya to take care. Once she goes to college, together we will indulge in my fav sport - politician bashing.Maya recently got her statue demolished and reconstructed as she felt her height appeared less than Kanshi Rams.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I had fun reading it. Really.
    Thank you Ma'm !

    PS- I know its not constructive readership but I guess I am running out of ideas :(

    ReplyDelete
  26. Julian and Maya sitting on a tree..K-I-S-S-I-N-G..lol

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hi Alka..love this Prem-Leela or Rasleela. Two of the most unlikely people ever :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. @Sri....Thank you for reading. It means a lot. This was just a fun post.

    @Ana...That is some imagination.


    @Rachna...Opposites attract!

    ReplyDelete
  29. hehehe.... nice letter...
    and "mayaland" was a great concept...
    *cheers* :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. This is by far the best I have read on this subject :) Awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Haha super post Alka...
    Sab Moh-Maya haiji...
    They would surely compliement each other...haha :D

    ReplyDelete
  32. @Madhulika...Call it Mayaland or Maya Pradesh, behenji rules.

    @Sakshi...:)Thanks.

    @Erratic Thoughts...:) Maya ka Moh hai.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Alka,

    LOL. Every time you outdo with previous one.

    Take care

    PS : Left comments from Changing Face onwards as I caught up with all pending posts.

    ReplyDelete
  34. he he........funny as usual. Best word "Mayasmitten" :)

    ReplyDelete