I am sure it happens to you. There you are cleaning your cupboard and you unearth old trivia which transports you to another time. Like when you come across an autograph book with emotional farewell notes from school buddies or when you find a handmade card crowning you as the world’s best mommy! Suddenly your heart gets wrapped in nostalgic mist of distant memories.
I don’t usually enjoy nostalgia. It’s imprisoning. It makes me sentimental. Though it doesn’t surprise me one bit. For as long as I remember, I have always been a sentimental person. Simple things for me can be strangely moving.
My throat tightens when I see an old picture of my father as a young hockey captain. The picture is a reminder of life’s impermanence. Also the fact that there is no way I can rewind the reel.
I find myself filled with longing when I discover little booties of my son but can’t really tell why I feel the way I do. Sometimes words desert you in strange ways that you begin to wonder if any writer can ever describe what you are feeling.
Today I stumbled upon an old college notebook. The last page of the notebook is full of mindless scribbling and doodling. Perhaps, a boring lecture on a late summer afternoon led me to spew angst and anxiety on paper.
It s a trivial but have you ever wondered why boys tend to doodle geometric shapes while girls draw faces and flowers?
And why it is so satisfying to doodle when we are on the phone?
Apart from doodles, my notebook has some juvenile poetry scribbled on the last page. There is something about adolescence which makes us poets. And it doesn’t really matter if the poetry is awful. After all, it’s our little secret. Crushes, heartbreaks, longings, frustrations, confusion and rage find vent through verses. Interestingly when I try to write poetry today, it eludes me completely. And the last page of my diary today has e-mail addresses, telephone numbers of electricians and plumbers and carelessly scribbled grocery lists. Sigh!
While rummaging through papers, I came across my school report card. The general remark section says: It is a pleasure to have her in class. She is neat and does her work regularly. However, she is a shy child and needs encouragement to speak in public.
Some things never change.Speaking in public remains my worst nightmare.
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