Monday, January 23, 2012

Weapons Of Mass Reduction



“I dig into aloo and gobhi paranthas everyday,” declared Kareena at the launch of her dietician Rujuta Diwekars weight loss book. As if on cue, another svelte stunner Shilpa Shetty tweeted, ‘Just had a Krispy Kreme donuts yumm!’

Are we idiots or do these wafer thin celebrities derive vicious pleasure in such charades? Either they are fibbing or they are blessed with great metabolism. Or maybe, it is the magic of 108 surya namaskars they profess to perform daily.

That brings me to a delicious paradox. The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and diet-books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare food, and the diet ones tell you how not to eat any of it. I have never ever bought weight loss books. Well, I don’t have the patience to follow weird diets. I mean who has the time to shop for exotic berries, Pepino melon, avocado or lettuce on a daily basis? And who has the patience to dish out weight loss salads? Fad diets are quick fix solutions. The weight comes back with vengeance once people go off the fad diet. Also if I start 108 surya namaskars, the husband will have to go without food. Okay, fine. I accept that I am lazy and impatient. Perhaps the dogged ones go all the way. Kudos to them.

With famous nutritionists and weight trainers at your beck and call, maintaining chiseled bodies is a tad bit easier. Hrithik says, “If I can do it, so can you.” Surely! But you Mr Roshan did it with the help of Kris Genthin, an international weight trainer and Maracia, a renowned nutritionist. Plus the celebrities have only one mission in life – to look good. I mean looking good is their business. But for lesser mortals who juggle daily chores, losing mind comes more naturally than losing weight.

When I feel stressed and upset , I do not have the luxury of a nutritionist who will fix a broccoli soup or a trainer who will coax me start cardio exercises. In all likelihood I will raid the refrigerator, take out scoops of butter scotch ice cream stored for unannounced guests, pour some chocolate syrup which the son loves, and gorge on it until I feel better. And feel even more upset afterwards. Surely it is not a mere coincidence that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.  Kismat mein oats and cereals ho to how can one gorge on donuts?

Recently at a book store, I browsed through Kallie Purie’s new book, ‘Confessions of a Serial Dieter’. Frankly I couldn’t even browse through. While leafing through a book a few lines can compel me to either sink in or jump out. Purie’s diet book had an assortment of diets and complex regimens which are not for sloths like me. If Purie is honest when she says that she tried 43 diets to find her happy weight, I salute her patience.

Rujuta Diwekar, another nutritionist became a bestselling author after her first book on weight loss. It was evident from the sales, that losing weight is a top priority for most urban folks. However, the question to be asked is: How many readers actually lost weight after reading the book? And more importantly how many readers were able to maintain their ideal weight? After any weight loss diet, people regain all the weight they lost because permanent weight loss needs a change of habits and not diets.And changing habits is a tedious process. There are no miracle cures. I have watched umpteen weight loss shows by Oprah and her ilk. And after watching Oprah recently at the literature fest, her countless weight loss shows over the decades seem such a waste. 


I don’t believe in losing mind over losing weight; unless one is obese or unhealthy. It is best to keep the plan simple. Firstly, it is important to remember that Input = Output. Second, body weight depends on your metabolism. It is important to maintain a healthy lifestyle, control thyroid malfunction or hormonal fluctuations if any. And finally, since most women are emotional eaters, stress management plays an important role.

On a lighter note, LMAO is a great way to reduce weight in the hindquarters. "Practice safe eating — always use condiments."

59 comments:

  1. A post which at least touches the reality of a common man! How many can really follow the regimen of Kallie Purie or Rujuta and more importantly to maintain the weight is the moot point!!

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    1. True,at least I am not the one who can follow diets...Those who can, good luck to them.

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  2. You make me laugh with your witty but telling piece.

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    1. Aww...if I managed to make you smile, the effort is worth it. Thanks.

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  3. I do read all the cookbooks I can lay my hands on, but no book on dieting. I believe that if you eat moderately you can eat anything and not put on weight. It has worked for me except when I am unwell or on steroids for my eye problem. And I do believe that Kareena and her ilk are lying through their teeth.

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    1. You agree na that they are fooling us? Basically input has to equal output, it is as simple as that.

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  4. Honestly, the line that irritates me no end is the 'I'm blessed with a great metabolism'. Really, isn't it the mother of all coincidences that ALL Bollywood actresses are blessed with 'great metabolisms'?? This was really funny, I felt great reading this right after that paneer paratha dinner :)

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    1. Way to go girl...I am having paneer paranthas too ....for breakfast tomorrow.

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  5. Before the words were invented, charade was the only means of communication. Charade, then, is at the core of life's business. For example, when the food is good, your face is a theatre of gesticulations. Maybe other parts of the body too. Better still, take the case of infants who just glow, glare or grimace with and for food. Can the same be said of a diet or a prescriptions? It follows then, eating rather than dieting is what life is all about. KK an HR are hypocrites. They are pathetic too. But those who follow them are worse. Please lead normal lives as is expected. I hate cook books. They are the worst specimens of inventiveness. And I detest diet books. To my mind they are similar to those who discuss methods of suicides. Someday I will die without having written a book. But I will leave this world with the contentment of not having written a cookbook or a dietbook. Weapons of mass destruction, did you say? I will say a resounding yes to these books. KK and HR? How low can one descend! Give me a Sunny Leone anyday. But don't tell me she diets. Mahesh Bhatt should know. You are fascinating writer, Alka. Way to go!

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    1. Thanks. Ms Leone is at least honest about facts...Perhaps she doesnt need to diet, cause she gets enough exercise, courtesy her profession.

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  6. Once someone told me, "Those who want to become just a published writer, writes Nutrition Books"
    "Dieting by not eating is self abuse. Eating right at time is all that is required." - Mumma's Advice.

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  7. Alka, I've read both of Rujuta's books and she does not profess any kind of dieting. If only you'd read her books beforehand. She actually writes pretty common sense stuff and does acknowledge the problems which a normal woman faces if she is trying to lose weight. And, to tell you the truth, if you or me will follow her commonsense advice then you will sure be able to lose weight. She is very different from any other nutritionists that you might have heard of. Kallie Purie is in another category. I haven't read her book and don't intend to. I read about her pretty drastic measures and totally objectionable methods that she talks about in her book. I read a showcase she did in Good Housekeeping. Now these are the kind of authors you must go behind, those who know nothing about health and nutrition and who care only about losing weight. In my opinion, fitness and health are the key.

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    1. I did read Rujuta's book, but I doubt that one can attain size zero by having oily food daily.You are right fitness and health r the key.

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    2. You are right about the celebrities. They are lying. And, they are not talking about the nips and tucks they do regularly. I also agree with your point that what work do they have except look good and immense resources at their disposal. I think all this emphasis on washboard abs and size zero is wrong and really a bad role model for today's teens. I wish books about healthy eating and wholesome figures and doing creative things were written more often.

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  8. LMAO!!! Planning a visit to Tihar shortly. As for the Oprah, Kareena, Shilpa ilk, beauty is their business, so let them have lean and fit bods. Let us lesser mortals keep ourselves fit leading a peaceful life:) Loved your Dolly Bindra comment;)

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    1. True, they are in the look good business...

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  9. Ye deiting nahin asaan, bas itna samajh leeje :-|

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    1. Well quoted..jis par guzarti hai wo hi samajh sakta hai.

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  10. :)eat well and dont watch movies featuring zero sizes!
    loved your bitchy moments!

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    1. What to do....all the se girls Priyanka, Anushka et al are wafer thin...Its better to watch Asha Parekh, Vyjayantimala...and feel good.

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  11. And what most of us do not know is that 100 sets of suryanamaskars gives you a bad back as a return gift. And which celebrity will admit that they actually starve themselves to fit into that lil black thing!

    But I do happen to take my fitness regime seriously. If it keeps me happy and active - why not?

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    1. Unlike you I am a lazy bum.Writing makes it worse....sitting for hours, moving nothing but fingers.

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  12. Yeah if I start doing 108 surya namskars the only time I will reach office is evening. And, Kareena eating paratha & still looking so sleek and sexy... Does she think I'm a fool ? Nice read :)

    Weakest Link

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    1. Exactly my point...they think we are morons.

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  13. Alka,

    If people could get what they want by reading books on related subjects then everyone would have been a millionaire after reading How to make money. I do not say all these are not helpful but are not the last word too. Loved your spelling stressed backwards, so true. Your summing up is very apt and helpful.

    Take care

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    1. True, after watching all the thin celebrities looking slim weighs heavy on our minds.Thank you.

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  14. I beleive in EAT well and EAT Good food thats it .. I am going ot live only once so might as well enjoy the godo things in this world. I gave up on the dieting thought ages ago.. it is not for me .. as you said I cant be bothered to waste time depressed on it .. I am fine and healthy the way i am, someone doesnot like my look they know where the door is ..

    and I do hate these celebreties who go and say all this rubbish, I doubt if they do it ever it just words told to them by someone to say ..

    Seriously we shud take the american idea of SUEING for everything and SUE these people to PROVE it that they eat all this and still manage to remain the way they are ...

    Bikram's

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    1. Kis kis ko sue kare.....But why do they fool us...why cant they be honest and say yes, we have to starve for size zero.

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  15. You are absolutely right, Alka. How many people actually lose weight after buying these books is an important question. We should take everything these celebrities say with a large spoonful of salt. 108 Surya Namaskar is something no yoga exponent will endorse as that is a gross violation of yogic rules. Yoga exercises are not to be repeated more than 10 times as anything beyond that is an excess and counter-productive to the purpose of yoga.

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    1. Absolutely! Why do these girls fool us then?

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  16. Kalmadi had a famous derriere ???? :S

    Sigh.. I've given up on diets now... just gonna eat and be happy... no point dying sad :)

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Dr Roshan....You have hit the bulls eye...no point dying sad and hungry.

      @Sehaj...I wonder why the comment was deleted...but thanks for reading.

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  17. I dunno about others n their theory ..but to me staying healthy is top priority if possible ..which includes healthy food ..to keep most of my levels normal ..and exercising ..if I skip exercises then I have to eat less...
    eating everything in moderate quantity ...and keeping my size intact...Dieting ..is not important ..changing your lifestyle is more important ...I see people passing away before turning forty ..the reason they were addicted to food...I mean "eat to live not live to eat"
    "I EAT PARANTHAS JUS ONCE A WEEK >>>N JUS ONE PARANTHA"
    I dont care about these celebs Hollywood n bollywood ..we guys look better in realities without any make-up;n without any lime light...
    But in all this debate we cannot ignore health n healthy foods!

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  18. Whoa-Alks and mean moments;-)
    And tell me about these stupid celebrities and stupider fads...I have been going to a gym since the past five months and the result:5kgs.....weight gain!:(
    And now I have no clue what to do-can't eat less, can't work out more:(

    You are right-hamare kismat he kharab hain!

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    1. The mean side appears when gussa crosses its threshold...I mean why fool the gullible junta by lying that she eats oily stuff daily? In fact she must be starving. Priyanka and Katrina recently landed in hospitals due to low BP...
      But they will never reveal the truth.
      And abt your wt gain...must be the muscle weight dear..healthy weight...and even if its not, lets assume so, and have fun.

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  19. Alka, I've just started to write about my GM diet days in one of the blog posts!Ha! LMAO totally at 108 suryanamaskaras! Who want size zero and that chiseled sauve body? Can't even compare it with the happiness and satisfaction we get when the aloo paratha melts into our mouth! But that said, I did went on 7 days strict diet eating melons, tomatos,bananas, and everything healthy! Phew! Can't think of them again!

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    1. Really..I would love to read about it....Diets do work but it is difficult to follow them on a long term.Unless you have professional trainers and nutritionists to help.

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  20. I don't cook, don't read cook book. I do believe in Dietitian but not on books.

    Paradox pointed is great :)) As usual write Alka at her best.

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  21. i keep telling myself that i am NOT messing with the way god made me. i can just skip something which i dont thing is right for me.dieting and all just freaks me out. the moment i am told not to do something, CRAVING begins, SERIOUS wala

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  22. All these actresses i tell u are bloddy liars! Why can't they say that they have a dedicated army of men/women who work for them in the form of personal trainer, dietician, hair dresser etc...if we had all these ppl in our lives then we wud also be like Kareena n Shilpa!

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  23. Such tweety li’l cutsie-wutsie boasts! Didn’t anyone tell these actresses that sometimes it is savvier to be seen and not heard? Nice post, lovely title.

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    1. @maniachunter...True, those who can control their cravings deserve Bharat Ratna.

      @Ria....Yes.its their business to look good while we have hazaar other things to worry about.
      Long time dear. How have you been ? In UK?

      @KayEm....Well said. Thanks.

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  24. I am a hardcore foodist so dieting is just not my cup of tea.

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  25. I tried to reduce fat and flab by auto-suggestion and forming mental images. The All American Self-Help way. But it did not work. In fact matters got worse.
    Then I realized that auto-suggestions are for neural mind and not physical body.

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    1. @Sh@s....I am in your team.

      @Kirtivasan...Welcome here Kirti...True.

      Thanks for spending time.

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  26. Maybe it is excessive criticism of ourselves, and tremendous hope placed in such diet books which trigger its sales :-) Nice post.

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  27. I have read all the die-T books mentioned above and more.I have tried all possible diets and after reading Kallie Purie(Yes that too!)I said-Ek diet book toh banta hai apna bhi:D.Rujuta has written well I will not deny that, but When I tried eating every two hours (a handful,mind you)I gained ungainly proportions and had to shed with a vengeance.Sigh!!you are so right,now I try eating smaller,portions,ghar ka and have started running.Aiming at fitness now ,bass..

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  28. Really enjoyed ur post. Very true for normal people. I agree with you on the celebs peice :-).U have captured all this in a very interesting manner. Input=Output... true. Lovely title too.

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    1. @Sharmila....Wow...you did all of that? Applause for your patience.A research says women spend 9 years of their life dieting.Permanent weight loss needs a change of habits and NOT diets. Good luck dear with your running. I am too lazy to do that.

      @Sohni....yayyyy..I am so happy you read it. And the icing on the cake is your comment.Thank u dear.

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  29. may be they give too much weight to their weights

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  30. Easy for you to rub off the weight-loss-burden. You were only 45 when you got married ! And look at my generation ( and particularly me ), I am almost 'double' of that respectable figure :P

    SO, while I do not blame my mother and well wishers when they start off any conversation with a you-must-do-yoga, I do get irritated with that. Plus there is this assumed correlation between looking good and looking slim ( thanks to all the Kareenas and Padukones ), which puts me in everyone's red list :P

    But I have this dialogue from some Govinda movie for rescue- " Baaton mein wazan ke liye idhar se bhi wazan zaruri hai " :))) Saves me everytime !

    C'est La Vie :)

    PS- you tried hard not to talk about Kalmadi saahab all through the post. Didn't you ? Brave !:D Gave up in the last line though :P

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  31. Tell me about it!
    I have been trying to lose weight forever.
    It just does not happen.
    I can't get out of the bed only!! :X

    And I had even gone to a dietician.. with the depressing food chart that she gave me, I could not do it beyond a point at all!

    But, I guess, the mantra that you have put in, in the end- Is the best way to maintain your weight! :)
    And my doctor says, that even if it 15 mins, just exercise.

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  32. I dont believe that Kareena eats parathas and Shilpa has doughnuts! yes they all starve and agree that they should not misguide the 'aam admi'.

    But yes surya namaskars are effective, and Rujuta diwekar's books(if you ignore the diet plans) gives 2 basic ideas:
    Eat what you always ate when you were young, i.e. eat your staple food,
    and second, try and eat food after shorter intervals of time in moderation ofcourse.
    Both the above points seem valid to me.

    About 'looking good' is their job, is very true. Ours is not that :-)
    Getting paranoid about weights is irritating.

    Hooked to your blog :-)

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