Sunday, April 6, 2014

Abki Baar, Akshay Kumar

Fully Faltu - This is a David Dhawan post
The Election Commission clinched a partnership with the nation’s conscience keeper, Aamir Khan, declaring him a National Icon. According to the news, they even recorded a video-audio campaign where Aamir urges people to vote ‘ethically’. Consequently, Aamir joined the exalted company of another legendary national icon - Abdul Kalam.

 
Then Aamir featured in a mischievous AAP poster depicting Arvind Kejriwal, Aamir Khan and Abdul Kalam with a label showing AK1, AK2 and AK3 respectively.Though Aamir denied supporting any political party, the controversy raised doubts over declaring Aamir as a national icon for the General Elections.

Meanwhile Aamir's Bollywood friends sensed an opportunity in troubled polity. Each time Aamir is feted, most of them get a rash. Who doesn't want to be a national icon? Being sensitive to any number race, the top AKs of the film industry came together to reclaim the title of National Icon - AK1.


Anil Kapoor (ruffling his hair): If the EC really wanted AK as a national icon, they should have contacted my secretary. After all, I am the original AK.

Akshay Kumar: Really? What do you know about politics? Do you know that the current poll slogan is -  Mein Khiladi, Tu Anari. Ab Ki Baari, Atal Bihari.

Anil Kapoor (surprised) : Bakwaas karta hai. Arrey, Atal ji is not even contesting this time. This time it is Advani ji. Plus, I  shook hands with Steven Spielberg. Does that not count for anything?

Akshay Kumar: Excuse me? If you have done foreign flicks, I have done foreign chicks. Errr..I was referring to cooking chicken  in Bangkok. But Boss, kuch bhi kaho, I am the real AK1.

Anil Kapoor: Huh? That reminds me. At least my name is original. Weren't you originally called Rajiv or something?

Arbaaz Khan (jumps in): I am not so imagining this. Being the producer of the highest grosser, Dabangg, I am the real AK. Arrey, even my director was AK- Anurag Kashyap. Plus my wife was a judge at the current Miss India pageant. And she pouts and poses even when she is brushing her teeth! Beat that!

Akshay Kumar (snaps his Dollar baniyaan): So? My wife is the daughter of Rajesh Khanna, a Lok Sabha member. Politics runs in my family.  

Anil Kapoor: Rubbish. Even Sonam wants to enter politics. So? Doesn’t seniority count for anything?  (ruffles his hair and tilts his head on one side) Jhakass.

Arbaaz Khan (shaking his head): You can take Anil Kapoor out of Bollywood to Hollywood, but you can’t take the Lakhan out of Anil Kapoor! Seriously, if seniority is a benchmark then veteran actor, Ashok Kumar should be declared AK1.

Arjun Kapoor (joins the discussion) :  Ha ha...the old Ashok Kumar?  Imagine him singing, 'Mere Sajan Hain Us Paar, Main man Maar. Abki Baar Modi Sarkaar'. Oldies, look at me. A young AK for a young nation?

Anil Kapoor: Shabash mere cheete! The title stays in the family. 

Akshay Kumar:  I'll tell you why one political party will never accept you. Because you insulted Chai-wallahs in Slumdog Millionaire.

Anil doesn't get the connection. But hearing noise, Aamir Khan walks in.

Aamir Khan: Calm it guys. As a national icon, you have to ask people to vote ethically. It is not about taking sides or coining slogans. Why don't you read the constitution first? Better still, go ahead and vote on April 24, 2014.

Anil Kapoor: Read the constitution? Vote? On April, 24, I am in Tampa Bay, attending the award ceremony, IIFA.

Akshay Kumar( cheesy grin): I am busy with Dostana 2. But how does it matter?  Koi bhi sarkaar,  Desh Ka Star to Akshay Kumar

Image: www.concoction.in (Google Images)


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56 comments:

  1. This post is truly has a "Dhawan" punch to it:) And I cant help laughing. Ab ki baar, Khiladi Kumar indeed ! Yes, I'm sick and tired of the slogans too. But yours takes the cake....in true B-town fashion

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  2. Haha...The most creative piece. Reading each lines could make me see the faces of all those Bollywood stars discussed above. I could recall the face of Amir Khan in 3 Idiots, Aksay Kumar in Rodwy Rathore, Anil Kapoor in Slumdog Millionaire and Arbaaz in Dabaang.

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    1. Your comment means a lot. Thank you.

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  3. Hahahaha...Alka at her hilarious best.It's time you got yourself a new last name and declared yourself as the original AK.

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    1. I can always remove an extra L and an A. :)

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  4. AG over any AK!! This is hilarious

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  5. Hahaha! Get enough of them and someone will vie for AK-47 or AK-56 :)

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    1. Your comment on my previous post was the inspiration for this one. Thank you Suresh.

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    2. Thought it was possible - remembered mentioning Akshay Kumar for AK - and you set off on all the AK's of the world? :) It is great to have been however small a part of this hilarious post, Alka!

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  6. ROFL! This was too good!! :P Hey since Akshay Kumar's real name was Rajiv something something... shouldnt he appeal for being an "icon" somewhere else... after all being named "Rajiv" should be enough right :P :P

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    1. That's smart thinking. Great minds think alike. It did cross my mind.

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  7. hahaha :D total Dhawan mania. But I am glad this post is not a dud like the recent David Dhawan movie. This one is a blockbuster :)

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    1. Ha ha...sometimes writing a no brainier is great fun. Thanks Jas.

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  8. Lol... have you seriously considered joining the movies to write scripts? This stuff is great!

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  9. haha move over all AKs our very own AG is here :)

    Random Thoughts Naba

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  10. He he he, good one Alka, all the way through :)

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  11. If you have done foreign flicks, I have done foreign chicks - LOL Ultimate :)))))

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  12. Damn natural due to the "CINEMA" flavour and all those dialogues. I like the foreign chicks dialogue most
    ending is apt :)

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  13. par, par abhi to picture shuru hui thi, itni jaldi khatm bhi ho gayi? :-|


    Blasphemous Aesthete

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    1. What to do? People don't have the patience for anything that is more than 500 words.
      Thanks Anshul.

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  14. You had me laughing throughout the post. I am glad I didn't miss this post. I needed the laughter.

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    1. May you always smile and laugh. Thanks Rachna.

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  15. LOL! You should definitely write spoof dialogues and present it into MTV. They would definitely air it :)

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  16. That gave me a good dose of laughter. Thanks Alka. If Ur surname is slightly altered in spelling u could be an AK too :D

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  17. Thant was a free for all. . . . . . . but frankly speaking as long as people have the tendency "But how does it matter? Koi bhi sarkaar, ......." things are not going to change.
    Surprisingly I find a slight improvement this time with the youngsters showing some eagerness to vote.

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    1. Yes, it is a welcome sign. The cynicism has toned down and inking the finger this time was 'cool'.

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  19. Haha. This was simply hilarious. Strange that I hadn't stumbled upon your blog earlier.

    If Armaan Kohli had to enter the fray, he'd probably issue threats at the rate of 20 per coherent sentence....and then deliver on none of them. His party symbol would've been a cigarette shoved in a wildly contorted face. I guess it would have to be a *.PNG image.

    I shudder to think what ayusshman khurana's aka Vicky Donor's symbol would be.

    Blogrolling you.

    Do drop by mine. I do short stories (usually twisted), poor attempts at humour, poetry that even four year olds find unimpressive and socio-political posts that make me worthy of a party ticket. Too bad my name is CRD and not AK :(

    Cheers
    CRD

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    1. And I thought, I had done and dusted all the AK's. Arman can be dropped like Akshaye Khanna but how did I miss Ayushman. He could have donated a lot o this post. :)
      Thanks CRD for stopping by. Hopping over to your blog now.

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  20. hahahhaa!!! you should do more on these conversation-type posts... like Koffee with Karan style.. Phulkha with Alka and ur guests can be anybody you wish... go on..start a new category in your blog

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  21. hahaha ... this is hilarious ... well Akshay Kumar and Anil Kapoor are still fighting it out in the back of my mind

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  22. It may or not have a Dhawah punch...it has for sure Alka punch

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  23. This post has been selected for the Tangy Tuesday Picks this week. Thank You for an amazing post! Cheers! Keep Blogging :)

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  24. Amazingly creative...
    http://neoimaginations.blogspot.in/

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  25. Brainless Alka which means I love such hilarious stuffs to the hilt. Move over 100 or 200 crores AKs coz AG and Free Bird is the new 100 crores. Well earned win:)

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    1. Thanks a lot Vishal. For the like and the share.

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