Friday, September 14, 2012

Mind Matters - A letter to Myself






Mind Matters - Go With The Flow
Why tap the keyboard to communicate with myself? Isn’t the nerve fiber route  more personal? No, it’s not short-term amnesia which is making me pen my thoughts.  Well, for one, I am a little tipsy. That’s when I become philosophical. And since, I am quite capable of repeating mistakes, reading this letter will prevent me from falling for the same trap. Over and over again.

So hic… err… here we go.

Hello Beautiful,

What?

If I don’t feel good about myself, how can I possibly do any good? Or write any good? Hence the exaggeration! 

It has been a roller coaster ride of over four decades. The fun of childhood and the fear of insecurity; the bliss of love and the sting of bereavement; the joy of motherhood and the twinge of separation; the pleasure of comfort and the pain of illness – life has unfolded in all its myriad forms. 
The sunny days were a blessing. The world appeared beautiful with the ‘All is wonderful with the world’ pair of glasses. But, the sun it seems, loves to play hide and seek. When the clouds appeared, I inadvertently fed the ogre – worry. In hindsight, there was no point battling destiny. Who can? But surely, it was possible to master the twelve pound mass sitting above my shoulders. 

What the hic…err…heck! 

Okay, confession time. I am guilty of showering disproportionate attention on the bad times. In hindsight, ‘Was the stress worth it?  How many fears came true? And more importantly, did the worrying help?’ 
No. More often than not, worry depleted my energy reservoir and left me weak in spirit. 

The funny thing is that when the cosmic dice falls in favor, thoughts become angels – they behave. On other times, the monsters pull me in all directions. I have come a long way since, negotiating with my thoughts. Some have been tamed while others still play truant.

Since what others think about me has weighed on my mind, could anyone have made me unhappy without my consent? Why did I allow them to?
Not again.

So much of life depends on the vagaries of destiny, chance meetings, and complex forces of fate which unfold each moment. Perhaps that’s the beauty of life – seeking, searching and surviving. Fighting new battles and yet going with the flow.
It happens to most of us. Time and again destiny mocks at courage. Fate begins the test of resilience. Ultimately, one has to put up a good fight. A fight one can be proud of. 
 It’s tough. The idea that I should always look at the bright side is too easy to be true. What problem after all, can be dealt simply by looking at the ‘half full’ glass? I can’t ignore the other half, can I ?  I am not Buddha to say, “Lets rise up and be thankful….We got sick, at least we did not die.” 
Regardless, gratitude, hope and faith help. The only other option is to stew in misery. Finally, it all boils down to what I choose and how I think. 

These words, over the years, have been repeated a zillion times by those who write about monks selling Ferraris or those who pass down ‘The Secret’ of realizing the true magnificence of life. Yet, unless I nail these truisms in my head and feel them from my heart, they will remain words shining on a piece of paper. And as confessed earlier, I am quite capable of repeating the same mistakes.
  
Surprisingly, this letter is making me see more than I was intending to. The babbling reminds that I am guilty of not proportioning desired significance to gratitude. That said, I need to work on my gratitude list. Pronto.

Indeed, I am grateful that I found my passion in writing. Writing for me is neither about being read, nor, about getting published. It is a beautiful thing in itself. Except the fact that writing gives me immense pleasure, I know nothing about writing. Only that it is hic…err…cathartic.  
So dear, now that I am yawning, enough fodder for the day.  Also, there is only so much gyaan the mind can take. So go forth and drink. To happiness that is!

Ciao.



This post is part of the contest A letter to yourself.. on WriteUpCafe.com



40 comments:

  1. Alka,

    Cheers to that. I read it recently - Worry is misuse of imagination. True, isn't it? I know it is easier said to think positive than to really do so. It is extremely difficult but not impossible. What you said holds true for almost all of us.

    Take care

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    1. Jack, its true but it is tough to tame the monsters- thoughts.

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  2. This letter could have been for me. I needed such a letter today Alka,as I am riding high on worry and low on faith. But you are right gratitude helps and so does positivity and faith. It never ever helps to feed that ogre called worry - but then we always realize that too late isn't it !

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    1. I was not sure about posting this Ruchira. Some thoughts are very personal.
      Most of us know "Tough times don't last, tough people do, This too shall pass, Its all in the mind......" but there are times when we need to feel it in our hearts.

      Take care. And hugs.

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  3. //Writing is neither about being read ,nor about getting published..it is a beautiful thing in itself//
    This pretty much sums it up for me.I also relate to you, when you say you are capable of repeating same old mistakes :)
    Hey,such positive thoughts there Alka!

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  4. I think you should drink more often and get high enough to dish out such pieces. We lesser mortals could do with some gyan. I am one of those who worry over things like the skyscrapers falling on me while walking under it, so this piece made perfect sense. And the fact that they have never fallen and crushed me has not cured me of the habit of worrying -- talk of repeating the same mistakes!

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    1. Ha, ha. I haven't touched alcohol ever. Tried a breezer once and it gave me palpitations..Ha, ha...
      And I refuse to believe when you say you are a worrier. You are one of the most positive and courageous women I have met on blogosphere.
      You are an inspiration.

      Cheers to your courage and optimism.

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    2. Of course I know you didn't write it in an inebriated state, but I didn't know you didn't drink :) Thank you for the lovely compliment, but I am a worrier :D

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    3. All moms are worriers; it's a mommy trait :).

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    4. True....comes with the territory. No escape.

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  5. Firstly, All the best for the contest!

    I saw this title at the top of my reader and ...had to click it!I can somewhat relate to your letter to yourself. "Some have been tamed while others still play truant." That is applicable here too. And yes writing is cathartic!! Beautiful self-letter...makes me wonder what will come out of my pen if i were to write to myself:)Great idea by writeupcafe!

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    1. Thank you dear.

      Its a good idea. Try it. Trust me it wipes some haze clouding our minds.

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  6. That is so beautifully written Alka, hats off! I could personally take so much out of it. Yes, we all worry. We know it is of no use but we worry. We dwell upon the bad times much more than the happy ones. Very true about writing too. I cannot understand why people are so weighed down by others' expectations when they write. With the crap that is published in newspapers today, I wonder if it is all that great to be published. Very thought provoking post! Personally I am concentrating much more on positivity and inner happiness these days. There is another high in taking pride in others and in being motivational. Hope more people try that path.

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    1. Coming from you this means a lot. Your optimism and zest for life is infectious Rachna. Wish you happiness always.

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  7. Beautifully expressed.
    You've said it: Writing is Cathartic. Period.

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    1. Thanks Vikram. It's a great stress buster for me....

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  8. Writing is indeed a balm for the soul. I have felt so hurt at times and the only thing thing that gave me some solace was writing it out on the blog. And it has helped....sometimes ;)

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    1. Absolutely. It's a great stress buster. Thank u for visiting.

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  9. Sitting in a nature center and reading this makes me lost in thoughts. I think I don't worry much, but in fact I do..true, we need to keep our coursge, wisdom, hope and faith in this whole process of existence. Loved the lines about solace in writing.

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    1. I had written this post for a contest but this one was insightful for me in many ways.

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  10. Worrying about past has never helped anyone though I am myself guilty of self criticism and reminiscing about some bad times gone by

    Lisa Ray who survived cancer had once said that key to happiness is to have short memory

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    1. Well said, and so true.
      I have the ability to forgive and forget but I worry about the future.

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  11. you use quite big words in talking to yourself. also, have you heard of schizophrenia?

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    1. Alka, Oh my dear lord......how could you write a piece like this? You need Ungli Baba to cure you of all your atrocities! Ghor anarth! And you are talking to yourself? How can you? Whatever happened to good looking surgeons? It is because of people like you that the blogging world has to suffer the likes of armchair intellectuals. Their arm chairs their intellect and their backsides reflect it!
      This post has shaken my core being. Now I have started an argument with myself. Uffffff, the bane of being a blogger! :D

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    2. @Madhav....I never knew that the use of big words could be a sign of schizophrenia?

      @Blogwati....ha, ha one is sending me to a shrink, another to a surgeon....I am scared of talking to myself now. I have to remember to use 'small words'.
      Cheers.

      ;)

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    3. Schizophrenia? That's a big word too, Alka. I'm not sure everyone can spell that without the help of a dictionary, much less pronounce it correctly! Also, I'm wondering if people really know what it means? The dictionary again! What would we do without the dictionary, really!

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    4. :) Corinne....True, not many know what it means...some are under the impression that schizophrenia is a big word for insanity.

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  12. perfectly expressed..first time here ...wrth to be here.

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    1. Thank you for visiting. Glad you liked it.

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  13. Glad you discovered writing fulfils cos I enjoy what you write. One thing I find works for me when I'm beating myself up is to remind myself about the positive, optimistic people in my life - the ones who like me, make me laugh and make me think.

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    1. True,positive people are a great influence.

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  14. We know what's right and what's not. We know stewing in misery will get us nowhere. Yet we seek permanence in transience.

    A small typo in line no. 2 marring this otherwise perfect piece.

    All the best for the contest.

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    1. Thanks, will correct.
      You are amazing. How do you manage to read blogs while you are settling down.Hope you like the place.

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  15. Wonderful! A lot from your letter applies to me, especially the worrying part and the writing as a passion and pleasure!
    Cheers :)

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  16. We always run after things we do not have. We make peripherals important rather than those things which define our life.
    This post applies to 99.9% of mankind. :)
    You imagined yourself drunk while you wrote this. Imagine the possibilities if you actually try.

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  17. That is very fascinating, You’re a very skilled blogger. I’ve joined your feed and look ahead to in the hunt for more of your wonderful post. Also, I have shared your site in my social networks

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