Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Ladies Special



This is for all the impeccably dressed men with gelled hair and clipped nails, who graced the red carpet at the Cannes Film Festival. Irrespective of how they looked or which designer they wore, unfortunately, most went unnoticed. The paparazzi preferred the fairer sex.

Debutante director Ritesh Batra’s film ‘The Lunchbox’ won the coveted Viewers Choice Award, and yet the media was more interested in Vidya Balan’s nose piece than his film. Do we even know who Ritesh Batra is? Or how he looks? No. But we do know the color of Ameesha Patel’s eye shadow.

The shimmy shimmer parade during film festivals and award ceremonies is all about women, glitz and glamour. For some strange reason, the media prefers to talk about Madonna’s conical bustier designed by Jean Paul Gautier she wore in 1991, rather than a film like ‘The Bling Ring’ which won rave reviews.
Come to think of it, the film festivals and other award ceremonies are women-centric fashion carnivals. There is little scope for men to compete. I mean, how many different black suits can you wear? Hundred bucks, if you can tell an Armani from a tux put together by my tailor in South Delhi. (Yeah, I know betting is illegal. My uncle is in the BCCI.) 

So clearly, a man can wear the same suit for all the events and go unnoticed. But imagine the Goddess of red carpet, Ashwariya Rai wearing the same sari on two occasions? All hell will break loose, Ash will be pilloried to pulp and the city of Cannes will  submerge in shame.While women get noticed, they also get dissected for everything from their hairdo to footwear. The opinionated messiahs of fashion have an opinion for every cut and every slit. What on earth was she thinking, the matronly dress added years to her figure, she looked like a headmistress at a prayer meeting, or plain and simple aunty ji (hurts the most).

There is no denying that men  were ignored, no matter what they wore. But there is hope for those who wish to create a red carpet history.

Wear a Sabyasachi Lungi: Remember Anurag Kashyap’s red gamcha at Cannes Film Festival last year? It was more talked about than his film. A brocade lungi or dhoti designed by Sabya can make a mark next year.

Strike the iconic one leg pose: The one bare leg exposed with a
thigh end split is a proven attention grabber. A trouser with a long slit may do the job. For added praise, get a tattoo on freshly waxed legs.

Wear Glitz, Bling: Breaking away from somber black suits, ask your tailor to custom design a transparent sequined coat to go with fluorescent trousers. Had Amitabh not worn that sequined black coat or that belt on his paunch, the media would have given him a cold shoulder.

Lift the lungi/dhoti: If nothing works, lift the damn thing. Irrespective of the merits of your film, you will be the most searched internet celebrity.

Others, like my husband, can happily wear five different white shirts and attend several events ranging from marriages to parties, to conferences to bereavement. No stress.


61 comments:

  1. I, too, am a sartorial attraction as I proved recently. My wardrobe is exclusively packed with tracks and Tees and I wear them everywhere - so, no wonder, people thought I had gone out for a morning walk and wandered into the marriage hall by mistake :)

    Why Cannes and movies? I can remember that APJ Abdul Kalam's hairdo used up more newsprint and screen space than his nuclear achievements. Sign of the times - since we cannot understand anything more than the superficial we concentrate on it :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Ha,ha.
      Tracks and tees rule given the heat.

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  2. Yes Alka you are correct. The women ,whether over dressed or under dressed attract the attention of the media and MEN! A bikini will raise numberless eyes and attention.

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    Replies
    1. That's a great idea to make a mark.

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  3. You are bang on target Alka. I have envied men for looking so good in a plain shirt, trousers and a tie that they mix and match for every occasion. We women go into hypertension at the thought of an event. Have you ever seen a man say, "Wow dude! You are looking so handsome in your tux. And I just love your ahem cufflinks :)." Events like Cannes aside, look at blogger meets. Everyone comments on how pretty a lady or her dress looks. Aren't we forgetting that none of us are models and are there by virtue of our blogs. I really pity celebs; the pressure they have of looking good, of being a certain shape and of satisfying the paparaazi must be nerve wracking. I read a good article by Shobha De on the same subject. Looks like poor Vidya had to get 40 pairs of clothes ready. She must have not done as much preparation for her roles as she did in getting a wardrobe together. Who cares for her talent? Seriously, it is so much easier for the men. What I wonder is that how much we women are responsible for creating and always firing this obsession with clothes and looks. A wonderful post again by you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Forty pairs? Wonder which airlines she took? Perhaps she bought two tickets, one for herself and one for her dresses.

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  4. When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
    He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
    But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
    For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.


    ~Rudyard Kipling

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  5. The Olympics says about Stronger, Faster and Higher. But somehow the world finds the stronger attractive. Not faster or higher. Because Amitabh Bachchan certainly did not get claps for walking faster on the red carpet(Perhaps to answer nature's call).
    Actually these events are a waste of time. The rich enjoy such luxuries. Fie on these traitors of humanity !!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Such events are more of fashion carnivals.
      Thanks for reading.

      Delete
  6. That's true about choices men get for their dresses.
    Whenever we go out to buy my hubby a T-Shirt, the choices are so minimal.. We do not miss a chance to giggle and me shreiks of laughter looking at the shades those T-shirts for men will be on display. It will either be grey, black, some dirty blue, some dirty red or some dirty green or sme shocking yellow.
    But have made a challenge that I will select the best ones of the lot for him and he can buy them.
    Buy I am still waiting to see a man with light grey suit and red/green tie and who walk on the carpet with great confidence and even try to dance in a away where women can send woos and aahhs,. But till now I am disappointed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True. When it comes to colour, dress or accessory options, men have a limited choice.

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  7. :) Very true, Alka - such is the tragedy of our times...looks and appearances matter more than achievements!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes. Packaging sells. And we are all in it.

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  8. Hah...classic! I think men should refrain from trying to draw attention from the opposite sex based on their attire - after all, the ladies are hotter and more sensible and therefore will win the contest hands down. I think the only hope men may have on the red carpet of attention seeking is to perhaps make their grand entry Gangnam style. Or try something similar that is equally crazy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am sure someone did the Gangnam style and yet went unnoticed. When it comes to skin show and glamor, women rule.

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  9. LOL! I liked the lungi suggestion for men!!! The lungi wearer can go commando for further attention :o

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  10. The media will insist that they are simply catering to popular demand. We will continue to demand news and not bakwas.

    But Cannes is more about wannabes looking for some word-attention. The sideshow is way more interesting a topic to talk about than serious cinema. That's why we have likes of Ms Sherawat giving quotes on hypaacritical Indian society in her faux accent.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes. She was baophichh.

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    2. Oops. She was epichhh with hurrr twang.

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  11. How drab our lives would have been had eve not been created.... No Cannes/Red carpet at Kodak, No Ms World/Universe/and so many more contests, no skin shows at Lido/ Moulin Rouge :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hilarious!

    Arvind Passey
    www.passey.info

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  13. Yeah, thoda sa lift kara do :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eva Longoriya style. Always works. Many have made a career with wardrobe malfunction.

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  14. Cannes is more about who wore which designer outfit than movies. This obsession with the actresses' looks and sartorial elegance is becoming a little bit too much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rachna, its more of a fashion carnival.

      Delete
  15. Haha :) Now, this one was really good! Totally got me :)
    For some strange reason, people in my family don't wear lungi. Dhoti is what my father wears at home, and me as well when home. For that reason, I am naturally comfortable wearing one.
    The other day,I attended a friend's wedding in Patna. Everyone wore Sherwanis and suits, but I am broke (and maybe that is the reason) and can not afford one. So I donned a dhoti-kurta and you wouldn't believe how many people clicked me. The elders even came up to me and told me that they are so happy to see someone respecting our "culture" :) If only they could peek inside my head, or read my blog :P
    I think dhoti is amazingly comfortable for anyone who wants to wear it. It has a decent scope for air circulation ( jeans just does not cut it ) and it is cheap. IF I am to be believed, I can even run better in a dhoti than shorts :)

    PS- I am sorry, I don't have anything to add in the spirit of the post...and, I can not leave a place without saying a thing or two :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I am sure a dhoti-kurta stole the show. Even though a crisp dhoti looks elegant (Rajesh Khanna in Amar Prem), I cant imagine anyone in Gurgaon wearing a dhoti. The ubiquitous kurta pyjama is already extinct. Men prefer track pants, shorts and tees.

      Have you deleted your Facebook account? If yes, then my blessings and best wishes on your birthday, June 6.

      Delete
    2. Thank you so much for the blessings Ma'm. I truly need it. These are uncertain times for me, and I get nervous at times. Thank you.

      After wasting lot of time and brainspace, I guess I am not really a facebook person... :) So, done with that for some time at least.

      Delete
  16. For film personalities,Cannes has become a status symbol.
    I attended Cannes in 1988,no one cared.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You did? Are you associated with movies or a brand?

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    2. Was connecrted to entertainment industry..Disney,MGM,Columbia

      Delete
  17. I think its a boon that men should be happy with. Doesn't create an issue to wear the same shirt second day to office :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It sure is but not for the celebrities.
      :)

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  18. I for one am happy that ladies get noticed more...we deserve it after so much effort..men can take a backseat sometimes..it doesnt hurt :)

    http://www.myunfinishedlife.com

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  19. loved the underlying sarcasm...
    I don't know what to say...Poor boys, or poor girls :P

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  20. haha ! Good one. In femina every week they compare grade and give points to actresses models etc. They here are the same messiahs ! Some really are a fashion disaster but too much of fashion does it no. At one point I too cant see the difference between a satin bedsheet or a flowing gown and the too much of grading just makes it a boring affair !

    Lastly nicely written. I love ur humour

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  21. Cannes red carpet was more more of a Indian Circus for Bollywood trying to get attention...If they would have dresses half as good as they dress up back at home it would have been better! And what's with that pallu of vidya balan...which she didn't even cared for during her wedding huh! Love your sense of describing the event and the underlying sarcasm offcousre!

    Fashion Quotient-Indian Fashion and Style Blog!!

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  22. Every year on the red carpet its almost the same show. Like you said do something unique and you are a news maker.
    Congratulations on being listed in the Directory of best Indian blogs of the year.

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  23. Fun post, Alka. I agree how the media do not spare actors on the basis of outfits worn. However, the worst example is Madam M, publicity hungry and liar. She takes the oscar for lying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Giving outrageous comments to stay in the limelight is a strategy for some.

      Delete
  24. nothing much to say Cuz ..this is something we see in Academy awards and that's wht it brings fashion furor in US ..major stores carrying replicas or originals ..
    ..
    its part of fashion industry and fashion runs on these lines :)
    even if stars go NAKED people will still copy them .. its jus an obsession ..

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  25. I think it is time for men to go backless.

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  26. Ha ha :D Men are losing a lot. Good one Alka.

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  27. true... so true ... My husband effortlessly wears the same jeans or t-shirt for two consecutive meets while I struggle to find something new.

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  29. Thanks so much for the opportunity to share a touching video and story from voltairediamonds my friend, Jack Barr. Jack's story about how his daughter's life has impacted him and how it has resulted in caring about others with disabilities is beautiful and powerful. #iftheyhadavoice

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