Sunday, September 29, 2013

Who lit the fire?

Image Courtesy Facebook





Promotional Panga!
A recent survey reveals that Comedy Nights with Kapil, a comedy show on Colors, is the best platform for any promotional activity. The survey was based on an on-line poll conducted by a Patiala based Sidhu Fan Club. No wonder, King Khan’s appearance on the show resulted in the stupendous popularity of Chennai Express. Why, even Grand Masti was a grand success after the charismatic Vivek Oberoi graced the sets of Comedy Nights.

Bad may be bacterial, but vulgar is viral.

Reportedly, Indra Kumar, the producer of Grand Masti has announced a sequel called ‘Grrr-andest Masti’, which will be India’s official entry for Oscars in 2014. This was confirmed by Goutam Gosh, the Chairman of the film selection committee.

In an attempt to tap the unmatched popularity of Comedy Nights, Arvind Gupta, the BJP’s IT Cell Head, expressed  Modi’s desire to grace the comedy show. Reports suggest that host, Kapil Sharma was hesitant but relented after India’s Quote Express, Navjot Singh Sidhu threatened to go on a hunger strike. Insiders reveal that Kapil Sharma is eager to fight elections next year. He dreams of being the next Information and Broadcasting minister. Be that as it may, in so far as Mr. Manish Tiwari is concerned, this is a travesty of constitution beyond the jurisprudence of the esteemed parliamentarians, invoking an overreach of ambitions sought by the host of a juvenile comedy show...

Phew, whatever. It so happened that the news of Mr. Modi’s promotional idea reached the Congress Headquarters. Almost immediately a mysterious caller called Kapil and requested (read threatened) him to invite Rahul Ji on the show. Owing to huge political pressure, Kapil agreed to accommodate both NaMo and RaGa on a special episode to be aired on 2nd October 2014.

However, much before the show, a massive fire broke out on the sets of Comedy Nights at Filmcity in Goregaon on September 25, 2013. A Bollywood birdie feels the fire could have something to do with Khan rivalry and SRK’s recurrent presence on the show. Alternatively, Vivek Oberoi’s appearance and the subsequent success of Grand Masti could have ignited envious sparks. If you are unaware of the ‘Vivek-Bhai’ connection, you don’t deserve to read this any further.Nevertheless, the most credible story doing the rounds is that Kapil himself was responsible for the fire on his sets. Stick with me and I will tell you why! 

24th September, 2013

Rahul calls Kapil for clarifications. The prospect of appearing on television, the presence of his arch rival, and a live audience is a triple whammy for him.

Rahul: Boss, are you sure, there is no debate?

Kapil: Pucca. No debate and no speech.

Rahul: No questions on FDI, Fiscal Deficit or Foreign Policy?

Kapil: No, SirJi. At best, some silly girls will ask you, “Will you marry me?” or “What is Sonia Ji looking for in a daughter-in-law?” You can always say marriage is a state of the mind. I will take it from there.

Rahul: (Rolling his sleeves) Sound’s good.

After Rahul hangs up, Modi decides to call Kapil.

Modi: Finally, I will get a chance to debate with Rahul?

Kapil: No sir, the show is not about debates.

Modi: No debate? Okay, I will give a speech.

Kapil: No speech either. Sir, promotion is done via dance.

Modi: Dance?

Kapil: Sir, don’t worry. We’ll play Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram. You just have to sway a little with the audience.

Modi: Mahatma’s favorite bhajan? Good.

Kapil: No, not that...

The call is disconnected. Kapil is unable to explain that ‘Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram’ is a song from Krish 3. He even forgets to tell  about Dadi’s inebriated humour, juvenile jokes and her cross legged routine. Worse, bua’s amorous advances, particularly aimed at bachelors could jeopardize his chances of getting an election ticket. What if irrepressible Sidhu begins his volley of idiotic quotes, much to the discomfort of his guests?Above all, what if Rahul tears his script calling it Nonsense!

Disaster!

25th September, 2013

Unable to handle the idea of two towering personalities on his show, Kapil decides to destroy his own set. The show, they say, will resume after elections in 2014.



(This is a work of fiction. Readers are advised not to confuse this with real incidents.)


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63 comments:

  1. This.Is.Sheer.Brilliance. I'm going to read this again and again. Btw, who is Dadi jee?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Comedy Nights is similar to the British TV show Kumars at 42 where celebrities come for a chat and promote their shows. However, in the Indian version, the role of granny is played by Ali Asghar which is quite over the top.

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  2. Hheheheheheheheehehehehehheh!!!!!!!!! Now you have given me a brand new perspective!! Masterpiece!!!

    @Purba- Daaadi Jeee is EPIC!! Youtube the show!!

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  3. Perhaps, Dadi and Bua will lust after Modi-ji and Rahul Baba...haha! I love the humor u bring in ur posts, Alka. Totally awesome:)

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  4. haha Indeed dadi and bua are gross! The comedy show is risque with moronic characters. I think I watched a couple of episodes. You are right! It is a sure fire guarantee to success :). Given that kind of dilemma, I am sure Kapil would burn down the set. A fun read, Alka!

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    1. It is really over the top. At a time when Grand Masti is a hit and Mallika Sherawat is flooded with suitors, idiocy is working like magic. BTW the show has some really funny moments.

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    2. I liked that saas bahu thingie that SRK and Kapil had done. Kapil is good in comedy though he goes overboard. What is cringe worthy are the personal comments they make especially about audience in jest like their weight, height etc. That is so putting off!

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    3. True, you can't deride your guests. But I think it is scripted.

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    4. Not the guests; I meant the audience.

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  5. I have never watched comedy nights with kapil and came to know about the show when the sets were on fire.. anyway I loved the conversation at the end of the post.. :)
    (I have mentioned your previous post in my blog here :) http://me-ing.blogspot.in/2013/09/do-it-already.html do check it out :) :) )

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  6. If Kapil reads this he will call you for the next show. :D
    Very well written!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Indrani. When it comes to speaking in public, I am lost.
      :)

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  7. I've watched two episodes. The SRK one was funny. The Mika one was a drag. But I like the show - it's desi humour with silly/quite silly jokes, and it appeals to the non-Comedy Central junta. Kapil, I think, would be better off without Sidhu being his echo or the world's. Your piece is brilliant. You always manage to relate not 2 but myriad current issues and weave them so smoothly. Love the multiple dimensions the article makes you think about!

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    Replies
    1. The show is brilliant in bits and pieces. Sidhu, for me is the biggest irritant. Plus the other men dressed as women. But it is very difficult to cater to all the sections of society and make everyone laugh.
      Thanks for reading.

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  8. This should seriously happen on the show...
    Nice post..:)

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  9. Hvnt watched the show but I bet that it cannot be anywhere close to as funny as this post.

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    Replies
    1. How can you not watch it? It's brilliant in bits and pieces. Mostly it is over the top and bawdy.

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  10. This post is far more hilarious than the show of which I just had a glimpse of and found it too loud:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is loud and bawdy. But it has some funny moments.

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  11. Hahahah.."...You can always say marriage is a state of the mind. I will take it from there. " this was hilarious :-D

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. :D Am sure this is the truth and nothing but the truth!!

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  14. Oh my God!
    Can we quickly hurry up with Kapil's ascension to the I&B throne? That way, we can clear the way for a Comedy Nights with Alka! A show where you can cut all these morons down to size with your razor sharp satire!
    This was brilliant. An absolute gem!

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    Replies
    1. Yay. Thanks for the share. And a big thank you for the appreciation.
      Not many enjoy political satires.

      Delete
  15. Nice one Alka. It may be mindless...but, sometimes I do enjoy the show.

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    1. Exactly. It is over the top and vulgar and mindless, but, it is funny.

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    2. I saw on 5 minutes of Comedy nights and I shuddered, This is a brilliant post Alka - as usual !

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    3. Thanks Ruch. This is Indian version of Kumars at 42, a British comedy cum chat show. What can one say? Grand Masti will soon be a 100 cr grosser! As I said, Bad is bacterial but Vulgar is viral!

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  16. I have watched the show..Kapil is good..only sometimes a little rude, lekin chalta ha with all his wit, only Sidhu bores with his senseless comments, and sometimes the drag dressing gets too much....dadi bua are ok, today its useless to look for clean entertainment anywhere, we are copying west here, their all english soaps , all the characters, even teens have nothing but sex on their mind..

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    Replies
    1. You are right. This is a crude copy of Kumars at 42, a UK chat show.

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  17. This post has been selected for the Tangy Tuesday Picks this week. Thank You for an amazing post! Cheers! Keep Blogging :)

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  18. Ha ha ha.. This is too much.. If Kapil reads this, I am sure he would invite you :) Keep writing :)

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    Replies
    1. When it comes to speaking, I am tongue tied. :)

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  19. Ahh..Now, I think I need to watch to understand your post better :) I don't watch TV at all and so illeterate in these :(

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    Replies
    1. Please do. It is enjoyable in bits and pieces, though a bit crude and bawdy.

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  20. I lost my cable the day I put him on television. Thanks for nothing Kapil.

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    Replies
    1. Poor guy. First his set catches fire and now you blame him for your lost cable.
      ;)

      Delete
  21. Ooo, this guy couldn't handle two crowned princes, and he wishes to be a minister in one of their ministries? Tch Tch Tch

    But his responses to Rahul Baba were quite satisfying, he can handle the RaGa :P

    Umm I am not quite sure if I got the punch, but the part before Modi Ji's phone call was interesting.

    Regards,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the honest comment Anshul.
      I wrote this just for fun. There was no serious thought or intent behind this one!

      Delete
  22. Brilliant, Alka. Marriage is really a state of mind? I wish it was. On a serious note, NaMo and RaGa debate will be worth a watch.

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    Replies
    1. Remember he said 'Poverty is a state of mind?'
      Thanks for the appreciation Diwakar.

      Delete
  23. nicely written.. sometime i feel why does such shows get popularity? No wonder if they are discussing some current burning issue of the country or someone's personal life tragedy with who cares kind of attitude..??

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    Replies
    1. People are sick and tired of all that's going around in the country. Laughter is always welcome.
      Thanks for reading.

      Delete
  24. I saw the first episode and liked it but the show went down after that. I really do not get the jokes most of the times and Sidhu's unnecessary laughter makes it even worse.
    This post was much better than the show. :)

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  25. I really love this show! I think we sometimes go overboard with criticism of everything. Yes, it is not a family show and definitely not meant to be watched with young kids. But it is funny! If the same jokes were told by someone in English many of us would be going "oh yeah that's rib-tickling funny, physical comedy plus a dash of adult comedy". Just cos the comedian is from not so urban background, just cos it is entertaining the masses and just cos celebrities are falling all over themselves to get on this show, it is not worthy to be called a funny show? Ummm, I don't think so. Brilliantly written but just my two cents Alka! :)

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    1. Agree Swapna, at the end of the day we want to laugh. And catering to people from Gorakhpur to Goa to Gurgaon isn't easy. When I watch Americas funniest Videos I hardly laugh as the idea of laughter in that show is watching people fall and get hurt.

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  26. Every time I have a glimpse of Dadi ji, I think I can puke. However, that is not the point: vulgar is not just viral, it's educational too, of the the downfall in the standards of Indians. What to say of the country whose past is being rewritten by Sidhu and the future by no-nonsense Rahul? That was a sparkling piece.

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    1. You said it. Vulgar is not only viral but educational too.
      Thank you for reading.

      Delete
  27. Wow this is such an hilarious post. want to share this on my FB page.Let people know the real reason behind the fire...:)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. Your first visit here? Thank you for stopping by and sharing.

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  28. Hehehehe ... the one on the congress spokesperson was too good. Wonderful post :)

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    1. That was my fav part too...while writing. Thank you.

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