Thursday, May 21, 2015

Fasten Your SeatBelt



Holiday season is here. Monaco beckons. Dubai dazzles. But with rising ticket prices my dream of flying just made a crash landing. So, I sit back in my heated cockpit in Gurgaon, brood over my boring life, and wonder about Modi’s foreign trip, RaGa’s Bangkok sojourn and Sonam’s Cannes rendezvous.

It all began when Captain NaMo landed in South Korea without the tail wind of the mainstream media. His Modiluft was cruising comfortably until he strayed off the trajectory and went on a bragging trip. The adulation of emotional NRIs chanting NaMo, Namo, created such turbulence that the love for his own voice awakened the patriotic Indian among Modi’s detractors. Suddenly, everyone writing SAT and GMAT became a proud Indian on Twitter. Well, in Modi we have an able pilot. I only hope Captain NaMo knows that the fuel in the tank is limited. And gravity is universal.

So while NaMo was flying high, RaGa gained groundspeed on the Amethi runway. The smartest thing RaGa’s flight handlers did was to cloud his 56 day mysterious disappearance from the radar. Only a Black box can tell us what he did, where he stayed and what he wore (a suit, boot? shorts?) while in Bangkok. I can’t deny that there was some relief in watching RaGa sweat it out in dusty hinterland with a dozen farmers clapping even before he spoke. After the recent mid air crash of the Food Park flight one gets a feeling that the frequent pilot errors are likely to ground the Congress airline unless they stick to politically profitable routes.

Summer is also that time of the year when Bollywood beauties line up the international runway at Cannes. Being human, it seems is not as important as being Anil Kapoor’s daughter when you become relevant for five days every year. At the 68th Cannes film festival, fashionista Sonam Kapoor’s sortie suffered a bird hit when she appeared in an Elie Saab feathery gown resembling an ostrich draped in Maggie noodles. In contrast, the alleged repeat offender, someone who according to Sonam was “an aunty from another generation”, Aishwarya Rai stunned the fashion runway two decades after winning the Miss World crown in 1994. 

While I died a little watching all the high fliers, I enjoyed Meri Jung being played in Delhi. Trust pilot Kejriwal to entertain us with his anarchic sorties on the Delhi runway. Belted on his seat, Captain Kejriwal fought with the co-pilot, locked the cabin crew and landed at the President’s doorstep. With passing time, Kejriwal resembles a disgruntled flier who creates fuss each time the airhostess takes time to respond. Plus the penchant of flying his low cost airline into the crash is a sign for Delhi-ites to trust the captain, but keep the seat belt fastened. Wonder why the politically savvy Delhi-ite didn’t anticipate turbulence with Kejriwal as the pilot and the BJP as the air traffic controller?

Anyway, since I can’t visit foreign shores, I derive comfort from the fact that it is always better to be on the ground wishing you were up in the air, than being up in the air wishing you were on the ground. Right? 
Image Coutesy: Here

40 comments:

  1. Hope NaMo's flight of fancy takes off. Otherwise his passengers might complain of being taken for a ride.

    I quite liked the champagne served on Alka Airways - it was bubbly and hit just the 'write' notes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That makes for a perfect landing. I hope you will fly with us again!

      Delete
  2. Hilarious post! Loved every bit of it. Keep them coming :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. A summer cooler in sweltering heat of Delhi, Alka:) The temperature at Delhi Secretariat is soaring as the mercury rises in the city! Hope things will cool down before on set of monsoon!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Replies
    1. Thank you Deepak, always good to see you here.

      Delete
  5. Ohh I think you'll be happy in Gurgaon. I went to the hills to escape people and realized that half of Dilli was there ! Lovely post Alka !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Known hill stations are big No after my disasters with Nainital and Mussoorie.
      Secluded places are better.
      Thanks.

      Delete
  6. The drama continues....on the airwaves, up in the air, on the ground, everywhere. Seems like this summer you will have no shortage of political in-flight and on-the-ground drama to write more of your hilarious posts :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No shortage of fodder to chew on a hot summer day.

      Delete
  7. You have so much material to keep penning these fun posts. Truly it is a crazy ride these days. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. You have so much material to keep penning these fun posts. Truly it is a crazy ride these days. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I had high hopes from topi muffler but not now.And this young prince was a no-no from the start.So it is Namo for now.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Brace yourself and tighten the seat belt. We seem to be in for an interesting, bumpy ride in the air pockets and the pothole ridden roads. Anyway, why shell out when this summer home has so much entertainment to offer. Very apt post. Looking forward to more such mocktails to beat the heat :P

    ReplyDelete
  11. Modi is on a travel spree, the more the merrier going global like our superstars. Ha! The not-so-young Raga prince doing a Mr India, disappearing and resurfacing..lolzzz So true about Sonam few days of fame on 365 days..Hope she can watch what she speaks and would make a great pairing with Chetan Bhagat:)

    ReplyDelete
  12. And after reading this, I better not regret leaving all heated up Delhi! Sonam's gown should be flown away to Ostrich land to give the birds some company. As for Modi, I think its time that he gives up the selfie fetish for something newer and better And RaGa well, send him off for another holiday;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RaGa needs another sabbatical to recharge.
      Good to see you here Sarah.

      Delete
  13. Loved the "Meri Jung" part of it. Seems everyone is finding his own way of "beating the heat"!

    ReplyDelete
  14. That's pretty much all the news on the go. And so much better than the 'news' on the so-called news-channels.
    About Sonam's dress - I read this meme the other day that Sonam Kapoor was wearing Anil Kapoor :P
    Lovely one, as always, Alka.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Aiswarya basically owned the Cannes this time. Sonam should have learnt a lesson or two. And yeah this is the time she becomes relevant and look what she did. What if she was actually relevant on other days too ? :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha. And funny that no one bothered about a certain Katrina Kaif in red hair.

      Delete
  16. What a wonderful...err...flight of imagination, Alka! Loved it

    ReplyDelete
  17. NCR is full of drama and action, enough to entertain anyone. Heat is the only concern in summers. And as far as I am concerned, I am happy wherever the entertainment is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When are you in India next Saru. We should plan to meet.

      Delete
  18. Sonam kapoor did look like a starving ostrich. I am jealous that everyone is flying to distant lands for some reason or the other....while I am stuck here soaking in my own sweat.
    This was entertaining!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. lovely flying on your airlines....great take-off with NaMo (just hope he manages to deliver what he promised)....perfect landing with Kejri, (that one looks like it is going to crash)....and lots of spicy food all along :)

    Cheers!
    KHOJ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for flying Freebird Airlines.
      Good to see you here. Truly.

      Delete
  20. Awesome one Alka ! Loved this - "I only hope Captain NaMo knows that the fuel in the tank is limited. And gravity is universal."

    ReplyDelete
  21. This was absolutely a delight to read...what lovely puns! Our pols and their crazy shenanigans is a gift that keeps on giving, doesn't it!
    Glad you're an armchair traveller. Clearly, the best kind!

    ReplyDelete