Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Balls of Steel

Image Courtesy: Here

Also on the Huffington Post

Have you noticed that for reasons best known to Almighty, cricket is at the very kernel of most controversies? Allegedly, cricket (IPL) is why a politician’s wife died under mysterious circumstances and cricket is why a cabinet secretary was raided by the CBI. Looks like, cricket and controversies go hand in hand. If you dig deeper, even the National Herald case might have off-side cricket connection.

Speaking of National Herald, Sonia Gandhi, the opposition Captain with only 44 runs on board invoked her mom-in-law when she said, “I’m not scared, I’m Indira Ji’s daughter-in-law.” The pro-poor Vice Captain emerged, all guns blazing, “I’m not scared of anyone, I’ll not buzz an inch.” Thereafter, the Delhi Daredevils captain stumped us with his over pitched delivery, “I’m not scared, you don’t know what I’m made off.” Skipper Kejriwal’s body line attack, laced with flowery adjectives like ‘coward and a psychopath’ ensured that the opposition was on the back foot. The media enclosure was enjoying the match when Arun Jaitley delivered his defamation bouncer. At which point, Ashutosh, a little short in the civility department, deflected it with his crafty, “Don’t try to intimidate us, we are not scared. You will take us to court, we will take you to people’s court.” Meanwhile Skipper Kejriwal continued tweeting behind the wickets, “Why is Jaitley Ji so scared of a DDCA probe?”
While everyone was chest thumping, Kirti Azad sealed the series with his dare, “Why don’t you sue me instead.”

At a time when no one is afraid of anyone, a feeling of inadequacy envelops me, pulling me into deep depression. Here is my problem. I’m afraid. My heart flutters when I spot a letter from the Aaykar Vibhag in my letter box. My pulse races when a Haryanavi cop flags down my car. Why, I’m even afraid of missing the deadline of my apartment maintenance dues.
Does this make me a wussy? Am I devoid of any leadership qualities? Can I ever be the captain of any team? I don’t know. What I know is that I need to get inspired by our fearless leaders. As Sunjay Dutt famously said, “Tension lene ka nahin, sirf dene ka.” So as I munch dinner, I take lessons in daredevilry from politicians on my television screen. For those who care, here are my lessons. 
First, is of course, to not get caught. Bat confidently. 
Second, is to have friends in the right fielding positions. Given that Indian democracy, like cricket, is a cash cow where every thief gets his due sooner or later, field powerful men in the right positions. If and when you get caught, your top order lawyers should bail you out in two minutes. 
Third, is to brazen it out. Disrupt the match. Remember, your interests are above all interests. Play the ‘I’m not scared card’ for every over-pitched delivery. Even if you are on the back foot, call yourself ‘victorious’ in the ‘fight for justice’.
Fourth, is to change the bowling length by playing the ‘victim’ card, and claim that you have scored a major victory.
Finally, the option of match fixing is always there. All options, except being scared are open.

The man who said, “Don’t be afraid of being scared. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything,” knew nothing about leadership. Because in politics, as in cricket, ‘Dar Ke Aage Jeet Hai’.




Wish you all a merry Christmas and fearless Happy New Year

42 comments:

  1. Alka , tum age badho, hum tumhare saath hai,
    aachar nahi hai to kya, dahi ke saath bhaat hai !

    Alka, tu fikir mat kar, darr ke age jeet hai,
    abhi jaga nahi mili to kya, dadar ke age seat hai !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA HA HA, you are too good. Comment of the year!!!!
      Beats my post.
      Thanks.

      Delete
  2. That was a hilarious read Alka. Wish you a fearless New year too !

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    Replies
    1. Between you and me, I'm scared. What if Arvind or Mother India get to read this? I'll be over the boundary wall, nowhere to be found.

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  3. Truly hilarious. Blog kiya to darna kya??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Shital, I'm counting on my powerful friends in Heritage City!

      Delete
  4. jo dar gaya samjho mar gaya...
    Darte bhi ham hain marte bhi ham hi hain...
    U write so well .. :)

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  5. Politics and cricket, perfect comparison! Lage raho! Only thick-skinned balls of steel can hang on the pitch in the long run! Your post also echoed the helplessness an 'aam aadmi' feels on such going ons :(

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  6. Nice, hilarious one!
    I am not into politics, but cricket is my religion too 😀

    Great learnings you've mentioned. As long as we are in India, match-fixing (of any kind) is not a crime.

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    Replies
    1. There is safety in numbers, you don't name me and I won't say a word about you.
      That's how most fixing is fixed.

      Delete
  7. Haha! Don't be scared. Those who should read this and pay attention to a real concern hidden behind the humor in this post will never read it. You know why? Because they aren't interested in real concerns of real people. They are only interested in one thing - power, more power. Their so-called balls of steel are only there because of our unhealthy tolerance for their excessive greed and ambition.

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  8. Haha! Don't be scared. Those who should read this and pay attention to a real concern hidden behind the humor in this post will never read it. You know why? Because they aren't interested in real concerns of real people. They are only interested in one thing - power, more power. Their so-called balls of steel are only there because of our unhealthy tolerance for their excessive greed and ambition.

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  9. Hahahah! Another sixer post, Alka. Love the parallels drawn; much like cricket, politics mein bhi sledging Chalta hai. But then again, india mein toh Sab kuch Chalta hai; if we know the right people.

    Happy Christmas and have a fabulous new year.

    And don't worry. We're All saying 'main hoon na'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for watching the match, err visiting the stadium. :)

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  10. Brilliant write-io, Alka!

    You can see me in the spectator gallery applauding wildly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I doff my bat in your direction, thanks Purba.

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  11. Nicely done, Alka and loved all the references. Very true. Wish you a great New Year as well.

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  12. Never mind. You always have the real Delhi Daredevil to quote - "I am batting alright. If the ball takes the edge of my bat what can I do? Once it starts hitting the middle all this criticism will vanish."

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    Replies
    1. Ha ha, that's the way to deflect it. Thanks Suresh. Was missing your presence here.

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  13. Love this piece. I like the way you put forth your views. Clear, controlled and concise. Enjoy reading your posts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Coming from you it means a lot. Thanks Kanchana.

      Delete

  14. Very nice post, impressive. its quite different from other posts. Thanks for sharing.

    buy weighing scale online

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  15. haha. What a comparison between the politics and cricket :-D

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  16. You know what?They are not afraid because behind the curtain they all hold hands.

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  17. Fantastic!
    I just read last night on ET that the PM is scared to expand his cabinet because he doesn't have any competent people to choose from. Lo batao. Fast bowlers na sahi, Spinners toh party mey bhare pade hain!
    One thing is clear, especially from all the recent elections and coverage of political scandals - no one goes back to the pavilion for a long time here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess you cannot do without spinners on Indian political pitch. Yes, there aren't many able batsmen who can win elections err matches, more so after the rift between Advani and Modi camp. The unfortunate reality is that motor mouths like Adityanaths can win elections but a sensible Arun Shourie cannot.
      Thank you for reading.

      Delete
  18. dooor jab kissi gaon main bacha rota hai to maa kehti hai beta so ja nahin ton COngress fir se jeet jayegi..

    Jo dar gaya samajho mar gaya.. :) so lets all stand up and keep walking ... :)



    Wishing you and family and everyone around you a very happy new year.. May all that you have dreamed comes true.. have a fantabulous New year
    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha, thank you Bilram. Wish you a very happy new year too. Thank you for being an integral part of my blogging journey. Truly,

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  19. We should thank our politicians for non-stop entertainment. You owe them big time. And yes, cricket and controversy go hand in hand. That picture is hilarious.

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    Replies
    1. Big money rides the game so controversies are a natural outcome.

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  20. Then enters the media saying " we will tell everyone you are not scared.so even if you are, why bother? Hum hain naa! "

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  21. Its a year since I read your work and having read this piece makes me realize what I have missed out on. Trust you to find such a satirical corollary between the two :) The problem here is the match is never ending and now the spectators are bored and indifferent enough to not care anymore.

    Seasons greetings to you and all at home.

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    Replies
    1. So so good to see you here. How have you been Seeta? Hope the book is coming out soon.
      I missed your presence too.
      Thank you, wish you a great year ahead.

      Delete
  22. The saddest part is that folks always play the victim's cards and shamelessly bring their religion into play as the best self defense method. Stomped. Guess, the comment came late!!

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  23. I love people who love me not, heart bit by bit he belongs to another one.
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    ReplyDelete