Sunday, January 29, 2017

Jodi No 1





Given that Bade Miyan and Chote Miyan in UP have been replaced by Ek Aur Ek Gyarah, Rahul Gandhi and Akhilesh Yadav appeared before the press in colour coordinated kurtas and jackets. Both Yuva, both Yuvraj. Same to same. But Akhilesh's is bigger than Rahul's. The nose that is.
Common', if apples and oranges are sold from the same political shop, who can resist comparing. Anyway, if you missed the presser, here is what happened.

The Prince bereft of a kingdom pretended to be a political pro. Flashing his dimples, he kept blabbering about his Sangam with the rebel Prince. The Dostana on display was hard to miss. Wait. Focus. Stop thinking about Jhon Abraham’s toned man lumps in yellow shorts. I’m not implying anything. It was Rahul who called this Sangam an alliance of hearts. Whatever that means. Go figure.

Rahul also mentioned Ganga Jamuna Sarawati, but I don’t know who was Ganga, who was Jamuna, and who was Saraswati. Unless Mayawati ji was also planning to wash hands in behti Ganga to cleanse UP of divisive forces. But Akhilesh clarified that he can’t give space to Behenji because “she takes up too much space”. “Even her symbol is elephant,” said Pinocchio. Oops, so impolite, that!

Haath Mera Saathi but Haathi Not Mera Saathi? 

When pen wielders and mic munchers reminded Rahul of his past,  he said, “History is not static, it keeps changing." Phew!! Wonder why he makes these ho hum statements.
Many are still making sense of the Aloo Ki Factory that he plans to install at the speed of Escape Velocity to Empower Women. Phrases of the kind Rahul ji serves us are as precious as Arvind Kejriwal’s movie reviews and Amar Sins phone sex with Bips.

So AkhiRa or RaAkhi, whichever way you want to look at, are being promoted as UP ke Ladke. Good. Whatever it takes to stop Modi from winning the Dangal. UP, a state bigger than most countries needs deserving boys and not the UP ke ladke jinse galti ho jati hai. For all we know or care, Rahul may be lip synching this duet with Akhilesh but the song was originally sung by – Dimple and Dimple. I mean dimpled Priyanka Gandhi and Dimple Yadav, UP ki bahurani. That Priyanka communicated with Dimple was acknowledged by none other than Ahmad Patel. 
 Priyanka Gandhi and Dimple Yadav, they say, are the architects of this Hum Saath Saath Hain act. Which, actually is a tacit admission of the failure of Rahul’s leadership.

The BJP can put on a brave face, but Jai-Veeru bonhomie is likely to give Thakur some sleepless nights. Given that BJP has neither a credible CM face nor ground work to show, it won’t be easy to get votes on the basis of their Sultan and his promises. For all my support for the PM, narrow chauvinistic pounding by his MLAs where Hindu women are asked to pop quintuplets to beat the minorities is not necessarily an election winner. The anxiety was evident when Mr Katiyar said that if Congress had Priyanka, the BJP too had many pretty faces like Kirron Kher. 
Well, ahem. Dimple for dimple. Let the men folk decide. I said nothing.

It’s amusing how Priyanka Gandhi emerges in crisp cottons during UP elections like Rekha does in gold Kanjeevaram during Filmfare awards. Many are calling Priyanka’s resemblance with Indira Gandhi a trump card. Really? It's like saying Robert Vadra should sing because he resembles Freddie Mercury.  
Anyway, now that Priyanka has emerged on the political minefield, can Vadra bomb be far behind? Despite his cases, Vadra ji could have been an asset for his wife, but what to do? Sirjee is a little short in the humility department.

 If Akhilesh and Rahul are able to Jhoom Barabar Jhoom, Shivpal Yadav may have to say Sorry Bhai, and Raees Amar Singh might be Airlift-ed back to UK.

May the Kaabil team win.





Watch the PC here

Image Courtesy: ABP Live, www.ansa.it



21 comments:

  1. Heh heh UP politics is always intriguing. But this Akhira (yeah I prefer that to Raakhi) is going to be unprecedented.

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    1. Yea, but daddy isn't approving of this match.
      Thanks Tulika.

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  2. I am already imagining RaGa and Puttar Pradesh riding a cycle and singing - yeh gathbandan hum kabhi naa todenge.

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  3. haha truth is I have kept away from news for sometime now but your posts makes me want to be updated. What a jai veeru jodi these two make. The things people do in politics!

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    1. Its such a big mess.Belonging to UP, it breaks my heart to see the sad state of affairs.

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  4. Yeh Dosti hum nahin todenge. It becomes the Baap of all dosti in UP. I was watching the press meet yest and Rahul Baba is hilarious, History is not static, it keeps changing. What epic lines! Reminds me of Baba interview with Arnab before the Lok Sabha election.

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    1. You saw na, how hilarious it was!Couldn't stop myself from writing about it.
      Thanks Vishal.

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  5. I simply loved it.
    This is the best way to suffer their shenanigans Alka-laugh,make fun and spread smiles on the net :)

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  6. Jokers, everyone. Amit is always right about this state - it totally is Ulta Pradesh.
    May the worst person win the election. That's pretty much every politician.

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    Replies
    1. Belonging to UP, it breaks my heart to see this.As you say, all equally bad.

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  7. Aloo ki factory? Looks like I missed many pearls of wisdom spewing from Rahul baba's dimples...I mean how much inanity can one take!Had fun reading this in the meantime while the real drama unfolds! Your thoughts echo many of ours.

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  8. Hilarious to the core, with sahi dose of satire and sarcasm. But sorry for my dear state, my guess is SP 150-175, BJP, BSP both 100-125 each. So we are heading for a hung assembly.

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    1. You are right, feel sad for our state. Always a delight to see you here. Thanks bhaiya.

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  9. Ha ha. Politics can be a riveting spectacle to watch. And your wit is awesome.

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  10. First off, Alka, I want to break free! Repeat after me: You will Never Ever assault Freddie Mercury again with such vitriolic similes.
    That cleared between us, I thoroughly enjoyed the comic Jodi-Chaalisa you whisked up complete with nuances and unforgettable bylines that refuse to die down. Tell me though, why the duo remind me of the Thom(p)son Twins from Tintin?

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  11. Like some one said, ek ka baap pareshaan, ek ka maa pareshaan.
    Seriously thinking, the Congress needs a new leader. Every time Rahul opens his mouth, his immaturity shows.

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  12. ha ha! That was so funny, Alka. Left me smiling over the UP politics ka tamasha.

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