Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Bottoms Up




Imagine Mumbai without Vada Pav and Berry Pulav. Chennai without steaming idlis and filter coffee. Or Delhi without butter chicken and Old Monk. We know what happened to Lucknow without Tunday Kebabs, right? Likewise, Gurgaon is all about fresh beer. Beer is so integral to Gurgaon that we would rather be called Beergram instead of Gurugram. Don’t believe me? Hop on, and I will tell you about our ‘beer necessities’.

For starters, we in Gurgaon survive dust storms, civic apathy, extreme weather and traffic jams just by being Beer Happy. With pubs in every nook and corner, fresh breweries are our very own Aggarwal Sweet House. Our Mavalli Tiffin Room (MTR). Our Sarvanna Bhawan. But with fancy names like the UpTown, Striker, Manhattan, Vapour, Open Tap, Prankster, Walking Street…...the list is endless.

With beer flowing in our veins, we are Budweiser than others. Because we know our beer more than Gordon Ramsay knows his food. Which is why, the way to our heart is to engage us over the charms of chilled beer. Just so you know, we in Beergaon, don’t believe in soups. Chilled beer is soup for our corporate souls.

Don’t judge us. We wish each other a ‘Happy Beerthday’ and a ‘Berry Happy Mother’s Day’, simply by visiting the nearest brewery. Most pubs are an ode to originality with loud music, dim lights, giant screens and framed pictures that proclaim ‘Life and Beer are same – Chill for best results’. You visit one and you will have a feeling of ‘Deja Brew’. If you are a visitor on a Friday evening, don’t have ‘high hops’ because despite 5436 breweries in town, you won’t find a table. In case you manage to grab a bar stool, it’s time to ask the attendant, “What’s up brew?” Then you burst into cheers when he presents you with an array of tasters ranging from Apple Cider, Fresh German, Peach Ginger, Melomel or Belgian Wit. You taste them with such seriousness as if you are about to vote for a permanent security council seat at the UN, which is a lot of crap because after one pitcher, you don’t really know which one you are drinking. Then you place your order to show off your bladder capability – a glass, a mug, a pitcher or the entire beer tower. Care for some fun? Ask the guy with gallons of beer in his prized beer tower to drink 8 glasses of water instead. Capture his expression. Priceless.

So, it was all berry good until the highest court of the land played party pooper. The new law about keeping liquor vends away from highways made it ‘un-beerable’ for Beergram. Just when we thought we were at a ‘pint of no return’, excise officers, traffic police, NHAI and PWD got busy with ‘Jugaad’ to ensure that Gurgaon is up and bubbly again. With such supremely honest departments working in tandem, I’m sure Gurgaon will finally raise the ‘bar’. 

The verdict is to be pronounced any day. And soon we will indulge in our ‘unstopub-able’ past-time. Hello? After slogging for long hours and surviving ‘beer pressure’ as corporate donkeys, is it any surprise that we look forward to our happy hours? Common people, with temperature flirting with 45 degrees, you can’t grudge us our daily beer. Remem-beer, that's how we are. ‘Lager’ than life. Hopefully, life will be ‘Brewtiful’ again.
 Beergram can barely fight back its cheers.



29 comments:

  1. Tough question indeed, to brew or not to brew! This mug of humor brimmith over! I hope the Lord grants the thirsty folk of Beergram their daily beer! How else will they beer the pangs of the terrible summer? Enjoyed tremendously hic,hic,hic ;)

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    1. Thanks Kala, glad you enjoyed it. Cheers.

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  2. And your post was just like a perfect mug of beer - frothy, light, flavourful. Thankfully for every silly rule there are a hundred ingenious ways to circumvent.

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    1. Since we can't enforce policing, we enforce bans which is a lazy way of out. This will give rise to corruption and illegal and unlicensed liquor. The way pubs are circumventing the law, it has become laughable now.

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  3. Hehe This one was so funny. Just recently we had the taste of the SC order when we traveled to Maharashtra. Not a single shop had beer. I guess no one wishes to mess with SC. Personally l think the court should first concentrate on the huge backlog of cases instead of such directives.

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    1. The ban is a lazy way out. Real governance needs effective policing. Rachna, it's laughable how pubs are finding ways to circumvent the ruling.

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  4. Hehe This one was so funny. Just recently we had the taste of the SC order when we traveled to Maharashtra. Not a single shop had beer. I guess no one wishes to mess with SC. Personally l think the court should first concentrate on the huge backlog of cases instead of such directives.

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  5. You captured the spirit of Gurugram perfectly, Alka! I am sure the beer shops have already found a hundred ingenious ways to beat the system:)

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    1. It's amusing, how they are making a mockery of this new rule. All pubs owned by powerful people and they will find loopholes.

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  6. ha ha! I have never been to Beergram and with this post, I don't regret missing anything ;) Fun post Alka and I loved how you chose the words.

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    1. Thank you Parul. Do let me know if you plan a visit this side. We will celebrate with you know what!

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  7. Ha ha, This was Beery Phunny indeed ! And what about the nice beer bellies of Beergram :)

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    1. The women work out and the men, well, they flaunt it.
      Thanks berry much.

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  8. Hope the 'bubbly-ness' returns soon to Beergram :)
    Your sense of humour and satire on current affairs is just amazing.

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  9. That was a Maharaja Knockout word play! It left me Budweiser and Haywards about Beergram.

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    1. Thanks berry much. Coming from the Shakesbear of blogdom, I'm bubbling with cheer.

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  10. Beergram sounds like cool Alka and love this satire. You nail it, totally. Who knows apna Vijay Mallya might shift to Beergram to boost Kingfisher's fortune.

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    1. Thanks Vishaal. Yea, we are pretty chilled out as long as we are sobeer. D

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  11. Superb wordplay.Since the authorities cannot check lawlessness-test alcohol levels of drivers- they cover it all with a whoosh--BAN.

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  12. Whoa! It has been such a long time since I've been here (I feel like OG) and you are still churning out such great posts.

    *Bows*

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  13. Post made me so Beerful ;) A light and lovely read full of humor.

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  14. What a word play, njoyed a lot. Cheers !!

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  15. your blog made my day..will come back to read more.

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  16. right on that note .. let me go and grab a Pint.. I need it :) he he he

    Bikram's

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