Friday, May 4, 2012

The Real Donor




Respected Sri Sri Tiwari Ji,

Considering your age and the fact that the latter part of my letter might offend you, I start with utmost reverence.
Truly, we live in the ‘age of sleaze’. First, we hear salacious rumors regarding your alleged romps, then some vivid CDs emerge and finally this contentious paternity test. I recently read that the courts have ordered to prick you with a needle or make you cough phlegm at the ripe old age of 85! Sad indeed. Alas, our law does not believe in spreading universal love!

Surely, it is not a crime to sow some wild oats across the length and breadth of the Hindi heartland. People with power and pelf do it all the time. After all, power itself is an aphrodisiac. On second thoughts, maybe, those who cannot perform at eighty-five are plain jealous and are spreading such canards. What say Sir?
Now take a deep breath and wipe that sweat of your forehead. I promise, I will refrain from narrating sick jokes like ‘Nar hai na nari hai, Narain Dutt Tiwari hai,’ because that will be a great contradiction for a man fighting a paternity suit. So let’s say that bed hopping tales were fabricated and the CDs were morphed or unauthentic. Political vendetta, you say. We do live in times where a tiny spy-cam is mightier than the sharpest sword.

Let’s move beyond your enviable yet incredible performances to more ethical issues. Agreed, that personal life of any political personality is a private matter. Voyeuristic public has no right to peep in political bedrooms. Right? Wrong. Because you were not simply the chief minister for three terms but also the Governor of Andhra Pradesh which is a ceremonial post. Any ceremonial post is atop moral pedestal. Don’t you think that the dignity of post got somewhat maligned with your alleged canoodling with err… let’s call them women of lesser morals.


Even if bed hopping is a norm in the corridors of power and even if it happens all the time after corporate, filmi or IPL parties, Sir Ji, you had a lot of fun under the sheets at the expense of the tax-payer in sarkaari guest houses. Let’s not even talk about the alleged monetary favors in return for the sexual ones.

Since you topped Allahabad University in Political Science, I am willing to disregard all the above salacious rumors. I strongly condemn the leering janta who without any proof, on mere insinuations, enjoys sleaze while reputations crumble. Also it is not fair to point fingers when the authenticity of CDs is questionable. I would refrain from judging you on that too.

But Sir Ji, what about the poor man called Rohit Shekhar? Surely, he deserves to know who his father is? A simple prick in your thick skin might enable the guy to send you ‘father’s day’ cards. Now don’t be offended, I simply said thick skin, for I saw you showing the V (victory sign, lest others get wild ideas) during the recent assembly elections. Pardon my double entendres but what did that V sign signify Mr Tiwari?

Okay, you say that this gentleman Rohit is simply needling you to wheedle out some moolah. So, be it. Live up to the reputation of the ‘He-Man’ that you are. Go to the courts and prove that he is lying. Why the hesitance? Tiwari ji, be a good boy, show that V sign and brave that prick. Unless it pricks your conscience that is!

If you win, your 'V' gesture, will stand vindicated. But if you lose, Dr Chaddha from Daryaganj clinic might approach you for some samples.

Great Regards
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33 comments:

  1. You are a damn writer when it comes to pull of the clothes of politicians and reflect the dirty v dirty side of Indian politics.
    Alka have u tried to publish them. They deserve it.

    Love
    Mani

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    Replies
    1. Pollies do bring out the best/ worst in me...:)
      Love

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  2. Wasn't he in the running for the CM"s post during Uttarakhand elections. And I remember seeing a pretty damsel accompanying him!

    Of course Rohit Shekhar is his son! But the old man will die denying it.

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    1. Yes, he was. And that is when he was smiling away showing that V sign which Yeddy shows...Truly thick skinned they are!

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  3. The sarcasm here cuts like knife. Very well written and very well said!

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    1. yayyy..u read this. Thanks dear for spending time.
      love

      Delete
  4. Surely, the moment of reckoning has come for that old bull. Wonder how many more wild oats across the length and breadth of the Hindi heartland are preparing to catch up with their virile patron. As usual, written in sparkling language and scathing sarcasm.

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  5. I dont know why politicians are never ready to clear their names .. i mean its just a prick end of the day and all doubts will be cleared.

    I hope the court forces this dna test

    Bikram's

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    Replies
    1. He doesnt want to do it cause he is guilty. Simple!

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    2. YEah i know .. but refusing too is the same thing :)the court shud force him to or his party shud ask him to come out clean

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  6. Alka,

    I think if he goes for that prick, the needle will break. Jokes apart, his avoiding this test itself is a proof of his acceptance of facts. A very hard hitting but truthful post.

    Take care

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  7. This post stands somewhere up there in the category of satire, way above the wannabes of blogosphere. You have not fabricated anything, and yet your writing has exposed every little chink in the armour of the amorous octogenarian. And look at the brevity of language! You are the best, Alka. Way to go :)

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    Replies
    1. Your words mean a lot. Thank u for reading and encouraging me always.

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  8. LOL...i have always loved ur political satire! neither will his conscience prick nor will he get that prick. politics is a dirty game indeed!
    kudos to u for such a fabulous write up :)


    sarah

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    Replies
    1. What bugs me is that the grand old party has given political patronage to such people...The rot is perhaps in the system.

      Sarah, thanks for spending time here.

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  9. Wow...this is really very nice daring blog. He held so many positions, how many undisclosed things might be there, which no one knows..he was CM for 3 terms, Central Minister for few terms ( I feel sad for those women who worked under him)..Alas what they can do...but to accept this HeMan...
    You expressed perfectly..hats off Alka!!

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    1. Thank you for spending time on my blog.

      Yes, he was CM for 3 terma and then the Governor of AP when the CDs had surfaced.

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  10. Nothing penetrates thick skin, not even biting sarcasm. A little prick will clear his good name, not brazening it out at all costs with wide grins and V signs. (Shudder)

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  11. that was quite prickly! ;)
    amazing post alka :)
    keep writing

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  12. Another outstanding post, Alka. Before the needle pricks ND Tiwari, this post will send shafts of electric currents into his arms. These politicians are always shirking their duties and responsibilities.

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    Replies
    1. And their respective parties keep giving them tickets and important posts.

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  13. Very very intersting.
    sure,you can be funny and sarcastic at the same time.

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  14. I truly admire ur ability to write such political satires.

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  15. Even as UP CM he was fond of sleaze, used to visit Delhi frequently and call models over

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    Replies
    1. Adat se majboor!Sad part is people kept re-electing him.

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  16. Let us first accept the fact, personal lives of politicians and stars makes better news than Naxalite/farmer killings. The only news more worthy of being flashed on idiot box is Siddharth-Deepika breakup. Secondly, he did what he did. His name is maligned for generations to come, still he may win the next election if he decides to stand. That is the sarcasm on us as Indians. Thirdly, I am least concerned what he did in his bedroom that is for his dead wife and kids to decide and ponder and censure. For one thing I am sure, there is never smoke without fire, and truth will ultimately prevail. He-Man may not get jail term, but yes surely he will not be the same respectful N D Tiwari of 1980's.

    For the post, yes it was good, and funny. No direct fingers raised, yet all roads led to Rome! :P

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    Replies
    1. True, the sarcasm is on our system. The parties keep giving tickets to tainted politicians and we keep re-electing them. It is the rich and the powerful who win elections..eg Raja Bhaiyya.

      Agree that we should be least concerned on what he does in his bedroom but Ajay he was doing it guest houses, at the cost of tax payers money. From what I read , in Uttarakhand many favours were granted to women for we know what.

      And the last line of ur comment beautifully sums up my post. :)Thank u for reading.

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  17. I dont see what is all the fuss about? Most in media do not want to restrict extra martial sex through legal means. If everyone agrees it is not a legal offense what is exactly the problem?

    He had an affair with a woman who was married at that time. She later separated/divorced from her husband. She knew that Tiwari was married and probably also knew that to expect a established politician to leave his wife or even acknowledge a lover was not realistic. They continued the affair for 18 long years. Apparently by her interview Tiwari's wife acknowledge to her in front of him that he had her consent(whether that was a willing consent or an resignation to fate it is a different matter).

    Had she been in a Muslim country all this drama could be avoided by simply marrying the lady and sparing the angst to the son and still at same time preserving the marriage with his first wife.

    I dont see how either the woman or the man in this case can claim to be holier than thou.

    There is little one can except a sitting governor to do given the cultural landscape of India. It also not like he had an affair at 85. So please lay off on the age factor.

    In fact it is well know among inner circles in politics that there are a number of top politicians of every party especially those where there are bachelors who travel with aides/doctors etc who are women and are well known to be their lovers. Some of these women are even married but spend substantial time on tour with these politicians. These are open secrets in the political world. Do you think the very much aged science doyen ex-president went through life without sex?? What about another bachelor ex prime minister ?

    Islamic law is superior in these aspects at it gives some regulation towards human nature. Accords maintenance to such mistresses and their children and provides for inheritance to spouses & children of such liaisons. In fact modern world is moving towards such an Islamic law though the name is not there. Any liaison or live in relationship as per modern law generates responsibility of maintenance of children and by either parties. It also provides for inheritance though people can be disinherited. Islamic law however provides for man to bear burden of children no matter if wife earns more than husband. Also puts burden of providing a living is with husband. While he can divorce at will(in Modern law both parties can divorce at will again deriving from Islamic law)but if he dies he cannot disinherit any of his legal dependents except to 33% of the value of his legacy which he has authority over to distribute but only towards charitable avenues.

    Kittu

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