Monday, November 24, 2014

You Are Not Invited






Obama Mehman, Pakistan Pareshan

Modi Hit, Sharif Chit


While surfing channels, I was fortunate enough to stumble upon such brilliance on our Hindi news channels. The ticker writers can convert any issue into a joke. But who can blame these rhyming maestros when invitation politics is playing on the political terra firma.

There was a time, when family members were slighted by not inviting them for a family wedding. Likewise, the Congress party decided to ignore the PM by not inviting him for Jawaharlal Nehru's birthday celebrations. Since we all know who takes the final call in the Congress party, looks like someone in the Khangress really hates someone with a beard.

Was the PM offended? I don’t know. What I know is that our pollies are watching too many serials. And I blame Ekta Kapoor for this messy state of affairs. Because the juvenile act of inviting all the parties except the BJP, seems to be inspired by 'Kabhie Souten, Kabhie Saheli' or some such serial, where women plot vicious schemes to torment each other. So clearly, a malevolent matriarch is not exclusive to television serials.Or Bollywood.

If you think I am talking through my hat, why did the ‘rebel-with-no-cause’ decide to share a platform with her arch rival Sitaram Yechury, during the commemoration of Jawaharlal Nehru’s 125th birth anniversary? Such was her rage against the Rightists that she found solace in the presence of the Leftists! It was a crummy spectacle of all the kids joining hands to beat the class monitor with a secular stick. 
Several other cliches pile up like a regressive serial where enemy’s enemy becomes a friend. Lalu and Nitish, for instance. Which is why, according to a fuming  ‘rebel-with-no-cause’, a conspiracy was hatched to indict her right hand man only because she attended a party where the class monitor was not invited. In retaliation, our Kolkatta girl refused to attend the all party meet, even though she was invited. The plotting and the scheming are getting murkier by the day. Why, when folks are allegedly staging bomb blasts, even national security is off limits! Because it is not important to succeed - it is important that others fail.

And now after the masterstroke of inviting President Obama, missiles are going to fly this Republic Day. That Obama accepted the invite with such alacrity has already caused some heartburn. I am expecting another round of invitation vendetta.What if some sycophants organize a yagna to pray for a downpour on the Republic Day? As a result, what if Mommy and Sonny are not invited for the state dinner? What if only Shashi Tharoor from the Congress is invited? The possibilities are immense. Again, because it is not important to succeed - it is important that others fail.

For now, it seems that our Man of Action is not bothered by these petty games. All good, as long as his love for his own voice does not turn a blind eye to all the other voices.

Also on Huffington Post.

54 comments:

  1. Can I just say *what a brilliant write-up" because you've already whatever had to be said?

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  2. That is steaming indictment of political riff-raff. I am sure the 'class monitor' has his own ideas miles above the garbage on a socializing spree.

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  3. LOL that last quote over there in pink. It was created by the BJP :D

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  4. Wonderful! Posts like this make me rue my disinterest in politics, because I probably miss out on a few of the quips :)

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  5. Really awesome.And by the way your what ifs near the end will put Ekta out of business ;)

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  6. Those rhyming words in the beginning - killer! Great poets working for new channel, what a waste of talent. And seriously, what if it rains of R'Day. And I couldn't stop laughing on the mention of that deadly serial reference. Is it really a soap?

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    1. Looks like Saru. With a lot more at stake.

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  7. So the next headline could be, "Modi ne diya maa bete ko karara jawaab."

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    1. Maybe something more dramatic. Like, Modi Ka Badla, Maa BĂȘte Par Hamlaa!!!!

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  8. Too good. What a wonderful write up. enjoyed the mentions of pollies w/o their names. Could not stop laughing at - inviting only Shashi Tharoor ,to me it seems like a very real possibility .

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  9. Very nicely written, Alka, with no punches spared. What a circus this is? Seriously, this game of roothna manana is worse than what even kids will indulge in. I am looking forward to Republic Day. I never got the notification for this post, by the way.

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  10. Probably among your most brilliant pieces, this one! I loved and agreed with everything you said about Momo-Tata Banerjee especially.

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    1. Thank you Rickie. The share means a lot.

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  11. Good hilarious take on those lines. :)
    Sonny and mommy not getting invites would be like tasting one's own medicine. :)

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  12. Awed by the sheer brilliance of this piece. Have to read it again!

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  13. I am telling you, I simply need to read you to understand the state of political affairs. Now I get all the fanfare surrounding the birthday of someone long dead and gone. Nicely done!

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    1. Thank you Vinita. The share means a lot.

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  14. Ha ha enjoyed reading this.
    And I hope it happens that only Shashi Tharoor from the Congress is invited. I would like to see how the Khangress members blow their top.

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  15. Phew! All the politics!
    Wish they would think for the nation too, rather than directing all this hatred & omissions & inclusions :)

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    1. The stakes are so high that politics rules politics.

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  16. One word - Brilliant. You amaze me Alka. You really do !

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  17. That you write so well is a given. But I can never tire of repeating how intelligently you associate people, events, and all that's in the news. It goes to show how 'in' you are with everything happening around us.
    Loved the news-reader-ly straight-face with which you wrote this satire. No one can do this like you do!

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    1. Thank you Sakshi. I enjoy penning such pieces. And our politicians never fail to inspire.

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  18. None can beat you at the game of writing about the media and politics and get the pulse of the nation!

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    1. Frankly Rahul, this what I enjoy writing the most.

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  19. Sonny & mommy behaving like spurned lovers!

    Great write up Alka

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    1. Who likes to be bereft of the remote control. Not someone who has held one for a looooong time.

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  20. Bunty and Bubli are drowning in political pool.In any case I like reading such punches whenever and wherever those are given.
    Loved the peace.

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  21. Awesome write up. The Ekta lady thing is what I loved most.

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  22. No one can catch your hand in this style of writing Alka. You are always so clued in to the events that just by reading your post, an event and all its surrounding hullabaloo can be visualized. Kudos.

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    1. That's high praise Jas. But I am not complaining.
      Thanks.

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  23. Indian politics - always colourful, always happening :) This was a thoroughly enjoyable and fun read, Alka. Sometimes you have to wonder -- when will all these people grow up?!!! So childish they are.

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    1. The stakes are too high for them to ignore. Regardless, they do seem like kids.
      Thanks Beloo.

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  24. There's a little quote that I learnt today, which emphasized that verses which rhyme plays down fine with the mango man.

    It was 'woes unite foes'. Now, is it mere coincidence that it could explain why the Left and the Right are uniting against the spotlight on the middle? :)

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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    1. Such a gem. Woes Unite Foes. Sums it up all.

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  25. Gali mein aake chand Nikla. A tale of sleeping with the enemy and makes me laugh at such stupidity. Alka! You made it colorful and hilarious. Effortless as always:)

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  26. Their egos are so big and obvly they display it irrespective of their status or stature
    fun read Alka

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  27. Ha! Politicans and theie petty games! Enjoyed the read.

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