Wednesday, October 14, 2015

No More Play




News: Playboy, the iconic purveyor of female anatomy tucked between epic interviews and investigative features, decided to can its famed nude photographs. The magazine that once interviewed Jawahar Lal Nehru is giving up its nudity cachet because public has easy access to smut on the internet. It makes no sense to flog the female anatomy in print. The internet is doing the job admirably.Moreover, with teenage boys transitioning straight into adulthood, dudes don't need nudes.

Reaction: On the Buck Stops Here, Ms Dutt conducted a debate on the rise in objectification of women where ten Bollywood directors returned their Manikchand Filmfare awards. Rajdeep traveled to the Hefner Mansion to ask if the reader will now read Playboy for news, and if this is what Achey Din was all about. Arnab invited Pakistan Army veterans to debate if this clean up act by Playboy was a publicity stunt. Some nationalists went door-to-door to smear ink on everyone at home who was watching Pak panelists on TimesNow. It was a mark of respect for our soldiers, they said. Since media decides what we debate, our  leaders also commented on this landmark event.

RG: Bhaiya, magazines Kiske Liye Hoti Hai? Unke Liye Jo Suit Boot Pehente Hai. Poor people don’t need magazines - they use their imagination. Ye opposition wale are saying that Nehru ji gave an interview to Playboy in October 1963 issue. Why, even Steve Jobs gave an interview to this magazine. My grandfather never gave a formal-sit-down - his views were collated from several speeches. I don’t believe in formal interviews after I gave one to that nude, err, dude who you call India’s conscience keeper. Since this government assumed power, there has been a rise in dirty magazines. People are reading them and killing each other. Pradhanmantri Ki Baat Mein Vazan Hona Chaiye. Why doesn’t our PM speak on this issue?

NM: Mitron, I want to tell you that the decision to do away with dirty pictures is a part of our Swach Bharat campaign. Our Goa government in 2013 had already rejected Playboy’s proposal to open a beach bar. My good friend, Playboy CEO Scott Flanders said, “Ever since we got rid of nudity on our website in August, traffic has quadrupled.”  Mitron, 62 years after the first issue came out, I managed to stop the nudes. I also suggested Scott to visit the temple Mark visited and look, his sales quadrupled. Aap Bataiye Ki Ye Band Hona Chahiye Tha Ya Nahin? When I go abroad, the whole world comes to meet me. Why? Not because of me. But because of Sawa Sau Crore Bharitya who do not believe in any state of undress. Tell me, why should one brand rake in more than one billion dollars in revenues annually? We believe in Sabka Saath, Sabka Vikas. All magazines should get equal opportunity. Main Aap Se Poochta Hoon, Bataiye, Ye Band Hona Chaiye Ya Nahin? (Orgasmic crowd screams, yes, yes, yes). Let them clean up, if needed, we will Make in India.

AK: Doston, the magazine’s editor Cory Jones says, “The decision to dispense with nudity has disappointed the 12 year old in current me.” I will make sure that the 12 year old in Cory is not disappointed as a result of centre’s policy. I’ve always been a fan of this magazine since my IIT days. We’ve grown up on its in-depth interviews . After the forthcoming Bihar erections, err, elections, I will invite Hugh Hefner ji to publish whatever he wants in Delhi. After all, Delhi is the  pure and pious capital of India according to Google trends. If the center cannot, I will provide every opportunity to a magazine that revolutionized engineering colleges. But, hum bhrashtachar bardasht nahi karenge. If any minister is caught taking money for publishing nude pictures, I will sack him on live TV along with the live visuals of what he was doing with the magazine. 

MY: What is the point of a clean Playboy? Boys will be boys. Those who do not have access to internet also deserve vicarious thrill. I’ll ask my minister to raise this issue at the UN.

SY: Kisne Mahila Ka Body Nahin Dekha Hai? Sabne Dekha Hai, then what is the problem?



33 comments:

  1. Phew, men can finally read Playboy without nanga panga distractions.

    In fact they should just have the model's head on the centrefold and readers can be asked to sketch the rest.

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    1. What an idea Purba, they should think of new consulting editors,

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    2. Common Indian youth had no access to Play boy. Debonair made them adult & helped to their fantasy dreaming. Hope Playboy will stop playing ( doing business ) with nudity. May make that a religious mag. Ha ha !

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  2. Haha!If needed,we will make in India.And we shall succeed too,we are already in the top ten.
    Disgusting!

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    1. My comment
      Editors will be editors . playboys.

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    2. Sir, thank you so much for reading. And taking the time to comment. It means a lot.
      Truly humbled.
      Please bless my pen so that I can write half as good as you do.
      Regards.

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  3. Lol... yeah right. Dudes can always make do with their imaginations.

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  4. You know them so well. :D I could see and hear them speak.
    Very entertaining.

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    1. With so much negativity around, this was written in one go. Was not even sure if I should publish it.

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  5. Oh!!!! my!!! Alka!!!! That's a superb take on the ban of Playboy!!! Just loove the reaction of our netas, notwithstanding what they watch in parliament chupke se on their cell. Let me add a bit by
    AK: Arnab-ji!! Hum Kaun hai..iss desh ki dabi hui janta..yeh saazish hai aam aadmi ke khilaaf...I will go on Dharna till Playboy doesn't come back to their real. Yehi to scam hai..not to bring back black money.

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    1. Ha ha, good one. Ye scam hai ji, sab mile hue hain.

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  6. AND a private wake held in SS offices - "Ye sab aise hi badalte rahe to hum jalayenge kya?" :)

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    1. Immense possibilities, I tell you. Just wanted to have some fun amid pervasive negativity.

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  7. the frist thought that came to mind after reading the title was ..

    "YES - LETS WORK" ..

    ok let me go and read the post now :)

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    1. :) now what can i say.. hmmm here's some gossip I dont think it would matter to me much if playboy stopped .. and internet does not bother me much either as where I work .. there are constant flights coming from Ibiza or other exotic places so i get to see a lot ahmm ahmm ahmm

      so yayyyyyyyyyyy way to go NM .. go go go ban everything :) he he he he


      Bikram's

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    2. Bikram, your work must provide you with some very interesting stories. You seldom share. Would love to catch a glimpse of your social fabric in UK.

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    3. oh yes definitely .. I try not to put it on so much because of various reasons, so many thing and the advice not to have fb or be on other public places , due to the nature of work. But i still do a few bits here and there :)

      maybe some day I will put some gossip.. and interesting is a small word :) .. a bit too interesting but on the flip side there are days thatn othing happens and it gets difficult to finish the shift :) (although I pray there are more of such days always.. )

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  8. Haha how do you pick one subject and weave it so eloquently and intelligently across our political scenario....hats off

    By the way, boys will anyways be boys and find some other magazine

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    Replies
    1. Ha ha, true. Playboys loss will be someone else's gain.
      Thanks dear.

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  9. You had me laughing all the way. Girl, can you write:)

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  10. Miffed decision taken after losing the crowd to the porn sites, Alka. :P

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  11. This really does sound an outcome of Swacch Bharat Abhiyaan. Gone are the nudies. From now on, Ladies Log will be properly attired in bras and panties so that men can look at them respectfully.
    I wish the government now distributes free copies of Playboy to every new toilet that has been hurriedly erected in the country. After all, free internet, free adult magazines and no access to beef are a basic human right.

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  12. LOL ! We are becoming swachcher day by day, though I am yet to see a marked change in my surroundings, however at least in the outward spirit of swachchta. The inner swachchta is of course, relegated to the background, what with so many bans and lynchings to be done.

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