Saturday, November 25, 2017

The Good News Is






Far away from the din and fury of chopping people’s nose and hands, we have some good news. 
Ivanka Trump is coming.
Such a blessing because the political narrative on television has been so cringe-worthy, that you want to cry. But now that the ‘first daughter’ is here to attend the Global Entrepreneurship Summit in Hyderabad, we will hear what she wore, how she smiled, and whom she met. A breath of fresh glamorous air. 
Yes, thank you. I’d rather drool over celebrities and feast over my slavish cravings than watch our politicians indulge in an ugly slugfest.

So, now that the beggars of Hyderabad have been dumped in orphanages, Charminar has been given a fresh coat of paint, potholes fixed, Falaknuma Palace given a makeover, searches conducted, fingerprints taken - Hyderabad would love to host Ivanka every month. News is that the Hyderabad police is on a high alert. They have requested people to inform them about any suspicious movement while Ivanka is there. After she leaves, Hyderabad residents can go jump in Hussain Sagar Lake for all they care.

Meanwhile we in moon-crater land Gurgaon are hoping Ivanka ji blesses us with a visit. The pollution scene has improved from ‘severe’ to ‘poor’ category - which is wonderful! As a result, Khattar and Hooda in Haryana are squabbling over the most important issue – who will felicitate Ms World, Manushi Chillar. And Arvind Kejriwal is back to launching books on odd days and reviewing movies on even days. 

Coming back to Ivanka, it all began when Modi ji activated his Trump card by inviting POTUS . Given that ‘Daddy’ was busy holidaying at his exclusive Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida, he decided to indulge in some Daughter Diplomacy. It’s like you invite your boss to attend your marriage, but he sends his high profile private secretary instead. With a huge bouquet. 
Hopefully Modi ji will refrain from a hugging spree, instead, Sushma ji can clinch her in a motherly embrace. Frankly, by now the jhappies and pappies with Nawaz should have taught us that moments of cleavage are a waste of emotions.
But it doesn’t matter. We are an obsequious lot - as long as there’s white skin and a powerful family name, we are happy to repaint Hyderabad for eleven year old Barron Trump (Son of DonaldTrump) too .

Come Tuesday, and our microphone wielders will fawn over Ivanka’s dress, her smile, and her hour glass figure. Even the Trumpphobes will line up to shake her manicured hands. Of course, we are eager to know if she wore a Dolce & Gabbana or her own label that sells bags, apparel and shoes. And to adduce the meaning behind every extended handshake and twinge of her lips.

Ivanka with her mom Ivana
Image courtesy mydailynews.com

Lest you think otherwise, Ivanka will speak to men and women of all shapes, sizes, colour and religion. Talking about religion, the visit to a mosque is aimed at building bridges with the Islamic world. Yes sir, Rahul and Modi are not the only ones visiting religious places to score political brownies.

But here comes the real shocker. Unlike our dimpled family scion, Ivanka Ji is a qualified graduate in Economics from Wharton. She is so qualified that she decided to work as an unpaid White House employee in the capacity of an advisor to the POTUS. This is nice, given that her dad is so privileged that the first job he ever had to apply for was the president of the United States. According to the US administration, Ivanka is supposed to be her daddy's 'eyes and ears'. That people want her to be her daddy's tweeting fingers is a different matter.


Image from Instagram


When Ivanka’s Wharton classmates were quizzed about her most of them said she was very gracious and dignified. Well, if your mother was a model, poise and grace would be a given. Also the fact that the Ivanka was a model at fourteen and much before her 15th birthday, she featured in Elle magazine along with a campaign for brands like Tommy Hilfiger. 

Now to the family part that will dampen the chances of those who fancy her. The thirty six year old Ivanka has three kids – Arabella, Joseph and Theodore. Oh, and I almost forgot. Arabella can recite poems in Mandarin and name most zoo animals. This is remarkable given that her grandfather told a rally in Indiana that China should not be allowed to ‘rape our country’. Ouch!

 To give the pretty girl her due, calm and focused Ivanka has raised the bar with her gracious demeanour and sensible tweets. 
All said, celebrities like Ivanka should visit us every month. A new city each time. This is the only way our pot holes will be fixed, our security beefed up and our monuments given a makeover. Maybe we will do something about our pollution too. What’s Kate Middleton doing in December? 


Ivanka Trump Donald Trump


Images from here


21 comments:

  1. 'Ivanka will speak to men and women of all shapes, sizes, colour and religion. O dear! I surely fit in there somewhere... Irony, humour, satire, Modi and Raga, what is not there in that piece?

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  2. Was waiting for it and as expected worth waiting. You have done quite a bit of research. 😉😉

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    1. Thanks, I was reading about her when you wrote that FB update. And it triggered a post.

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  3. Only the visit of powerful can make some cosmetic change to crumbling infrastructure and poisonous environment for which little is being done

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    1. Sad commentary. Reminds me how Gurgaon was spruced up for CWG. Why can't we do it at all times?

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  4. Haha.. no words can describe how good this article is. But I wish you could see the smile on face every odd sentence, and a big laugh on even ones.

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    1. You are too kind Varsha. So glad you liked it.
      Thank you.

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  5. We have the elections coming up next year. And that is our only hope at getting the roads fixed, having water and power supply and being chased after. It is pathetic how badly governed we are, across party lines state after state.

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    1. We need a kick on the rear to get up and do our daily work.

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  6. Kit Middleton did turn up and all we could talk about was her Anita Dongre dress.

    Ivanka sure will have a few desi designers giving her the chase.

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    1. News is that Prince Harry is marrying his actress girlfriend. They should visit Gurgaon.

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  7. Can you even imagine how many foreign, white dignitaries we will need to transform
    Gurugram? Just getting our traffic cops to see red at the sight of people driving wrong way may need Jared, Ivanka, all their kids, and all of those kids’ uncles and aunts to come for an event at Sector 29!

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    1. Hmm, this could be a real problem. Maybe we should invite Prince Harry and his fiancé Meghan Markle now that they've announced marriage. For a pre wedding shoot on Sohna Road.
      Thank you for reading from Saat Samundar Paar.

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  8. If we need foreign white dignitaries to transform India then so be it. I'm just wondering if I should start a company to book their visits every week to different cities and towns!
    As always loved your take, Alka.

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    1. Lol, yea. Now that Prince Harry is engaged, he should come to India for a pre wedding photo shoot.

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  9. Hi Alka, I don't understand why our cities are spruced up only when the super powerful visit, the rest of the time the common man has a permanent wonky ankle from constantly falling into potholes, suffer extreme levels of pollution and nearly die of lung problems.

    Love the post. As I have not been online much, have not been blogging or visiting blogs.

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    Replies
    1. Such a joy to see you here. How have you been? Writing books and not blogs?

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  10. I wish such celebrities visit every city of India. And Arvind Kejriwal is annoying on many levels. What is wrong with him?

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  11. Love the way you put it, We are an obsequious lot - as long as there’s white skin and a powerful family name, we are happy to repaint Hyderabad for eleven year old Barron Trump (Son of DonaldTrump) too.' It's so true about our obsession with white skin and feel that the visit is more of nepotism owing to the fact that she is representing dear Dad...some tourism hopping at Taj and clicking! Our obsession with style and pictures as newspapers standalone...what she wore...hehe A golden opportunity for the PM to make us forget about real issues in the country...well she could be Padmavati :)

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  12. I agree, we should invite celebrities and foreign mehmaans to make a visit to India every month...if not every week.

    Was in Delhi in early November. Back then, the pollution level index improved from hazardous to very unhealthy :P. A week before that, I hear the Prince of Wales and his wife were in Delhi. When they were flying in, there was 'Smog on the Water and Royals in the Sky'.

    Some delegates should be invited for a swim the Ganges.

    Cheers,
    CRD

    Do drop by mine.

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