Monday, December 4, 2017

When Harry met Meghan

Unlike others, it seems, the Brits are destined to have all the fun. While we get to suffer electoral stench, they get to celebrate life with all its royal trappings. Royal marriage. Royal baby. Royal anniversary. Repeat. 

It’s like a modern day fairy tale. 
Recently, the Queen and Prince Philip celebrated their 70th marriage anniversary by releasing souvenirs. And even before the celebrations welcoming Kate and William’s third baby could commence, Prince Harry announced his engagement to American actress, Ms Meghan Markle. 

It all began with romance under starry nights in Botswana. When Prince Harry went down on his knees, Ms Meghan broke into an orgasmic, ‘yes’. And the media was flooded with speculations, expectations and celebrations.
No sir, not the divisive caste and religion stories we suffer back home, but real spicy narratives.

It didn’t take long for pen-wielders to dig Meghan’s lineage, her past and her ex-husband. With certain inevitability, the initial stories revolved around the fact that Meghan was divorced. Those who have been Netflix-ed by ‘The Crown’ know how being a divorcee in a royal family can twist traditional knickers. And yet, once the stiff upper lip had swallowed the divorce pill, it was time to go deep into the woods to dig her past – her half brothers, sisters and pictures of her parents. The Daily Mail went ahead and featured a story about how Meghan was ‘made to stuff her bra’ with foam for the American ‘Deal or No Deal’ show she had anchored. 
Finally, the happy union of playboy soldier turned humanitarian Prince with American biracial divorced actress was cheered by the monarchy. 

Spoof Photographer, Alison Jackson posted these lovely pictures before the actual wedding. 

The first test for the ‘would be’ bride was to have tea with the Queen and befriend her Corgi’s (over 30 Welsh dogs) who took to Ms Meghan straight away. Ms Markle had made her mark. Thereafter, when the newly engaged couple undertook their first official duty together, the tabloids went in a tizzy reporting how the royal couple couldn’t keep their hands off each other. 

But wait. There’s more to the royal wedding than tabloid level gossip. The wedding is said to push the UK economy by 500 million pounds by boosting tourism and strengthening the US-UK relationship. What Trump and Theresa couldn’t do over talks, Meghan and Harry did by slipping a ring.
A day after the engagement was announced, the ‘Meghan Effect’ was expected to sell bags and apparel worth millions modeled by Meghan, the model. What fun to compare ‘Meghan Effect’ with ‘Kate Effect’ that already accounts for about 200 million pounds a year! 

While our bookies are busy speculating about Gujarat elections (yawn), bookies in the UK are betting their odds against the name of Kate and William’s third baby. Interested? Arthur is going for (10/1), Robert (100/1) and Alice (8/1). 

There are other fun activities too. Speculation is rife over the wedding venue, Meghan’s dress designer, and what Prince George, 4 and Princess Charlotte, 2 will wear. Don’t go bananas, but much before the announcement of the D day, The Telegraph reported, ‘This will be the first royal wedding cake made from bananas.’ 

In a fit of idyllic reverie, I am wondering what if Harry met Meghna, an Indian girl? The idea is a bit nutty, but Uff - the possibilities!

Imagine Prince Harry in a sherwani, sitting on a flower bedecked chariot surrounded by dhols of Maharaja Band. Of all the images, Kate in a Ritu Kumar lehnga and Williams in a Sabyasachi kurta dancing to ‘London Thumakda’ is the most riveting snapshot. Given the Indian setting, there would be a customary crisis of a ceremony related misunderstanding. It’s quite possible that a pink turbaned Charles would break into a happy jig with his samdhi to the tune of ‘Le Jayenge, Le Jayenge Dil Wale Dulhaiya Le Jayenge’. Once dinner is served, Kate’s parents would crib about food being too spicy and nothing compared to what they served during William and Kate’s wedding. Later on, Badi Ma Camilla would tu-tut about being given a cheap sari and not a Banarsi. 

The works!

Moreover, Indo-UK ties would boost tourism, people will forget all about pollution and we would be a step closer to Kohinoor. 
Alas, that is not to be. The only Indian connection is that Priyanka Chopra, a good friend of Meghan could be the bridesmaid.

But I’m holding on to the imagery in an attempt to run away from the ‘yawn-worthy’ narrative back home. Sigh, why don’t we have royals whose weddings and births we can celebrate as one country? I want real ones, loved by all, and not the Shezada and the Shezads.

Instagram Image 
Image Courtesy here
Spoof Photography via Alison Jackson in the Daily Mail.


  1. Indeed, the Brits have the cake when it comes to making some noise, the right kind! We as a country really are missing out on such royal liasons. Probably the only thing that unites us is Bollywood and its controversies. Maybe we are the kind that unite and take pleasure in controversies and debates. Loved your idyllic reverie and Badi ma Camilla's!

    1. Thanks Kala, always a pleasure to see you here.

  2. Your prayer is answered as there is a buzz of rumors of Anushka and Virat marriage:)

    1. And they went to Italy depriving us of all the fun back home.

  3. Hahahaha....Brilliant take on the “Would be a Royal wedding”. And loved the parts with the Indian connection. Mention of “Chicken Tilka Masala”, which is now the National Dish of the UK would not have been out of place in the same context. Lovely Read ������������

    1. It was there in the rough draft, got edited it seems.
      Thank you for stopping by.

  4. Loved the narration Alka ! And the Indian juxtaposition is hilarious.