Wednesday, August 17, 2011

One Depressed, Another Delusional


OUT PATIENT SUMMARY: The patient shows clear signs of anxiety, fatigue, and loss of interest with suicidal tendencies.


HEAD: Swollen

ABDOMEN: Over-stuffed


TONGUE: Slippery

DIAGONOSIS: Subclinical Depression

MEDICATION ADVISED: Prozac 80, Alprax 0.50mg, Restyl 0.50mg TDS

We are unaware of the malaise afflicting Madam, but her party has been diagnosed with sub-clinical depression.
The art of politics is tested in times of dissent. The Grand Old Party is on slippery grounds. Each of them is falling with twice the thud even before the previous runner has had a chance to get up and shrug off the dirt. They are collectively in a firm grip of chronic depression. If you are medically inclined then you must be aware of the symptoms of depression exhibited by each one of them.

Dry Mouth, unexpected silence and fatigue: Dr. Man-Mohan Singh- He cannot speak or take action even when a daylight robbery takes place right under his nose.

Drowsiness, slurred speech: Essam. Krishna – He is awake only when he is shaking hands with Ms. Hina Rabbani Khar. He shook hands with her for so long that he ended up with a dislocated shoulder.

Epileptic Seizures: Mr. Bigvijay Singh – On days he forgets to take Prozac, he sacrifices all virtues on the altar of power.

Acute mania: Mr. Manish Tiwari - Power is an aphrodisiac and it seems he took an overdose of Prozac leading to extended arrogance.Side effects of this drug result in verbosity and loss of humility.

Flip-flops, megalomania: Mr. Clever Sibal – He refuses to take his daily dose of Prozac. No doubt he thinks that all the brickbats he gets are bouquets. So he keeps shoving mud in the eyes of a nation semi-blind with sleaze.

Delusion: Mr. Rashid Ahlvi - He imagines a foreign hand which is forcing and mobilizing people to come out on the streets.

Sweating, Blurred vision: Ms. Renooka Chowdhary - When the nation is debating the method and means of Anna, she tells Arnab to go and watch Peepli Live, implying that the present outpouring on the streets is media created, and that Anna is Natha of Peepli Live. God, someone please tell her to stop wiping make-up from her ostensibly botoxed forehead. 

FOLLOW UP: Patients condition to be checked frequently. Optimal level of medication should continue as withdrawal of medicines might lead to suicidal tendencies.
As imagined by a delusional neurologist.

We all know that Jan Lok Pal is not a panacea for all evils. The anger spilling on the streets is not only against corruption. It is against scheming ministers, lack of communication, rising prices, political arrogance, lack of leadership, lack of opportunities and uneven distribution of wealth.

While Congress is depressed, the major opposition party the BJP is delusional. They wish to ride on the wave of angry citizens. They are simply fishing in troubled waters. When the time comes to act in the parliament, they will make sure to thwart a strong bill. Who wants to axe his own foot?
The Congress’s weakness is BJP’s strength. In reality they are two sides of the same coin. If the Congress is suffering from depression the BJP is suffering from delusions of smelling an opportunity in unstable polity. And with both parties in the sickbay, the nation is on the streets.

(This is a satire as imagined by the writer.)

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  1. Very true...hilarious and i totally love the comparisons and the best is ~ the hidden surcasm in the whole but the sad part is...its the reality of our nation!!! As rightly said we are on the streets...and to the mercy of these ministers who should all be now retired for good!

  2. A true picture of the happenings around, and I liked the concluding para most, undoubtedly both of these national parties are suffering from their respective diseases.

  3. :D

    I just remembered the lengthy 'patient-casefiles' we had to fill up while in college. :P

  4. absolutely, pent up anger is finding a way out, and something will change now. Incidentally, you and I used a same sentence for Jan Lokpal bill in our posts :) not a panacea for all evils.

  5. Its sad situation we are in, and thanks for making me smile in such depressed times.

  6. Its sad situation we are in, and thanks for making me smile in such depressed times.

  7. Very right and very true and fantastically have you brought out the present state of affairs related to Anna. Loved the reading and enjoyed it enormously.

  8. Prescription for the sick and the mighty? And the most delusional is Yeddy - giving statements in support for this movement. Delusional opportunist!

  9. @Anonymous...Thank you for reading.

    @Goutam...Am glad you liked it.

    @Irfanuddin...BJP is like a shark waiting to strike.

  10. @Shobhit...Doc, what does NAD mean, I have no clue.

    @Rachna...We often think alike...

    @Harish...Some good will come out of this social churning...Rahul should intervene, seize the moment and become a hero...

  11. @JagdishBali...Am glad you liked it.

    @Purba..How I wish to write about Yeddy..You are right, he is most delusional, flashing a V sign when he should jump in a coffin and close the lid.Seriously, he needs a shrink.

  12. A clinic checkup form. Wow!!

    I feel like medication and good eating habit won't work in this case; fasting will.

  13. haha...for uprooting a disease (corruption) we need to treat soooo many sick minds first. too many doctors, medicines, emergency units required...a long task at hand :P


  14. It would be interesting to watch how BJP deals with this if they are elected next.

  15. "@Shobhit...Doc, what does NAD mean, I have no clue."

    NAD is the short for 'Nothing Abnormal Detected'.

    There are a lot of short forms used in clinics. But I personally don't fancy using them. But somehow they've sort of become an accepted pattern as docs are supposed to be quick in their work instead of concentrating on polished language. :P

  16. @prateek...Yup, fasting will purge them off all evils. How about bribing them to pass the Jan Lok pal? Under the table always works with UPA.

    @sarah...Blood transfusion

    @Chintan...They are comparatively less corrupt but power corrupts...look at Yeddy.

  17. @Shobhit...

    Thanks for informing.Short terms come with the territory but patients should know what is scribbled on the prescription.

    The writing should be legible that's all.
    Good Luck Doc.

  18. Sounds like a plan. I'm up. Oh! Let me also make it a facebook event. Tchcha!

  19. great..
    I loved it..
    ingenious assessment of the disease :D

  20. ROFL...that was cheeky...awesome as always...

  21. Oh My GOD are so funnnnnnnnyyyyy.....

  22. Bring the no confidence motion the so called united opposition if you wanna come in power again or in the year 2014 Baba's, Swami's and Anna will overtake you :D

    Weakest LINK :)

  23. Brilliant analysis. Your observation that Anna is more of a duct (being used to vent pent up emotions) than a phenomenon is worth Anna's weight is gold.

  24. Loved the analysis. Its spot-on. We are in an sorry and sad state created by people in power.

  25. And yet, is there another clean political party that we could elect and get rid of this malice. Do you wish to nominate someone, because soon this party is getting into ICU.

    Nice article.

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  26. Good sense of humor!
    and how well it goes with their traits..
    Analogy wAS TOO GOOD!

  27. i think we are being a tad unfair on Congress..cos they have been hanging around for too long!!

  28. phir maara...jor ka jhatka, dheere se:-)
    and the circus continues!

  29. Very nicely written, as always! Feel sorry for the state of affairs but happy there's an increasing mass movement. Hopefully it will bring some change for better!

    Unfortunately, it's a two-way process. As long as there's someone willing to bribe, there're going to be ten people waiting to demand for more. Breaking this chicken-n-egg quandary is the biggest challenge.

  30. great imagination....botoxed forehead..L-O-L.and i m sad that we call ourselves a democracy and every1 knows it for sure that rahul gandhi is PM in i smell monarchy?

  31. @Prateek...:) We will need hundreds of crores to bribe them.


    @SUB... Am glad you liked it.

  32. @A...:)

    @Rachit... It is tough to fight elections without the support of any party. I am not sure that public sentiment will translate into votes for Anna.It is a middle class phenomenn.


  33. @Rachna, Anshul, Giribala, Harman, Suruchi...

    :) Am glad you liked it.

    @Jon...They are not in consonance with the changing demography.

  34. @Ravi...You are right and some good will come out of this churning..People will be afraid to indulge in big ticket corruption. The routine corruption will take time to go.

    @maniac.hunter....Honestly, you notice her one eyebrow is raised just like Shabana and Shobha De's...very obviously botoxed.

  35. Hahahahah!! this is so funny..!

  36. WAH JI WAH .. kya baat hai he he he he

    i jsut hope the circus stops I think THe CONGRESS is awaiting someone to Bribe it to pass the lok pall bill..

    he he hee


  37. @jayanth..:) you have come here after a long time.

    @Bikky...They provide such amusing fodder for us writers dont they? I mean our neta log.

  38. What an exhaustive diagnosis! I am totally impressed. Loved the parting shot at both the major parties. Who cares for the common man as long as they can rule (read stuff their pockets and bank accounts abroad)?

  39. @Zephyr...I was waiting for you to read this..

  40. Alka, your last post in my mailbox was sent to spam by google! I accidentally discovered it. That's why the delay in commenting.

    btw, you left out one major disorder -- amnesia. Would love to see whom you attribute it to :D

  41. @Zephyr...

    They all suffer from it after opening their mouth. Unfortunately the camera reminds them of their blunders even if they pretend to suffer from amnesia. Yesterday Virbhadra Singh said, bheed ka kya hai, bheed to damru bajane wale ke paas bhi aa jati hai. Imagine belittling the intelligentsia!

  42. No Politician wants a stronger bill to be passed. No body wants a higher authority breathing down your neck. I am bloody sure, even if the Bill is passed, they will try to politicize the members to limit the damage. Proceed with Caution. And Intelligence. :)

    Saw on a video on FB that..'Sibbal apna ek baar mooh kholta hai to Congress ke 50 lakh vote kam ho jaate hai' and 'Agar gadha ko bhi khada kar diya bata diya sahi aur galat mein usse sar hilana wo bhi sibbal se jyada sahi jawab dega.' LOL


  43. This reminds me of the classical humor 'Three Men in a Boat' by Jerome K Jerome.Very witty and apt description of the state of affairs.This is the 'Great Indian Circus'

  44. @SM...:)

    @Kunnu...True. They will not commit harakiri till akhiri saans.The entire mess is created by Sibal and lack of alternate leadership.

    @Rahul...I have not read it. Will try and order on flipkart. Thanks for reading Rahul.

  45. I have read 'Three Men in a Boat'. Some of it lines are just classic. You will know when you will read it. :)

  46. Alka,

    You have a knack of saying right things with no punches pulled. Which political party would like to be denied right to fill pockets?

    Take care