Monday, January 2, 2012

The Curious Case of Rampal

The Curious Case of Rampal

Rampal, a poor farmer always thought that the idol in his village temple had supreme powers. However, after repeated media reports he realized that his God was not supreme. There was something called the ‘Parliament’ that was supreme. Naturally Rampal wanted to see the Supreme Body. On reaching Delhi he was told that that the parliament had been disrupted. A disheartened Rampal decided to witness an ‘all party meet’ for a close ‘darshan’ of the supreme members who throng the hallowed precincts. But Rampal was denied entry at the all party meet. A disheartened Rampal sat on a hunger strike outside the meeting venue.

Some excerpts from the all party meet:

Chairperson: Baith jaiye, baith jaiye. Shant ho jaiye.
M Ban-nerjee: No. Our stand is a clear NO.

Chairperson: Madam, please listen to the agenda of the debate before giving your reactions.
M Ban-nerjee: I don’t care about the agenda. NO means NO. However, if you give us a Bengal package we can re-think. Derek will explain things on my behalf. That you will end up even more confused after his explanation is another matter. This Rampal fellow is a Maoist.

Chairperson: Honorable members, today we have to debate whether we should allow Rampal, ‘a commoner’ to witness this all party meet.
Bring-loo Yadav: Arre who is this Rampal? How can he claim to represent the peepool of this country? I am yet to recover from the nightmares of Lokpal and you are talking about Rampal.This appears to be some inter-nasnal conspiracy.Arre Mr Karat pleej check if this fellow Rampal is a CIA agent?

Behen Illusion-wati : Why should Rampal witness this meeting of supreme members ?According to the wishes of Manyawar Kanshi Ram ji, I will allow Rampal free entry in any of my parks. He can also click pictures next to the marble elephants.It will solve all his problems.
Sush-mother ji: We strongly oppose the entry of the common man. Today he wants to be a mute witness; tomorrow he will want to participate in the discussions. When we were in power, Congress had objected to the entry of Dharampal, hence we reject the entry of Rampal. How can the ruling party forget their promise of 'the sense of the meeting'?

Now-shake Singhvi: We rejected Dharampal because you had rejected RajPal in 1976. Let me tell you that Article 999 says that no ‘Pal’ with religious connotations can witness our meetings. Let me also quote clause 444, which says that members are not bound to respect the ‘sense of the meeting’. Please note Sush-mother ji, that clause 444 is separated by a semi-colon and not a comma. Hence the ‘sense of the meeting’ stands nullified.

Bring-loo Yadav: (Shouts) This is my nasun, our nasun. Arre bhai, even angrez left my nasun before I was born. Tell Rampal to win an election and then come here. Bhe will not allow communal forces inside the Parliament.
Baith jaiye, baith jaiye. Shant ho jaiye. Those in favor of Rampal’s entry may say Aye.. ..

I think the noes have it, the noes have it.

Softy Singh Yadav : (mumbles for full thirty minutes) Is Rampal a dalit, OBC, Christian or minority? Tell him to change his name to Rahimpal. I will then personally escort him to the meeting.

Sush-mother ji: This is wrong. You are advocating a second Partition. We will not allow this.

Ca-pill Sibal: (with angelic innocence) But YOU invited Rampal for this meeting, how can you go back on your promise? Who has created this Frankenstein monster called Rampal? Let me quote article….

Sush-mother ji: We invited Rampal with conditions. Now the conditions do not suit us. And since we reject Rampal’s entry, you have lost all moral right to rule this country. Your PM must resign.

Bring-loo Yadav: Aree bhai, I have come to know that Rampal has nine wives, how can we allow non-minority pepool with nine wives. Tomorrow all his nine wives will want to become Chief Ministers, then who will be responsible?
Mr. Bring-loo Yadav's deputy tears Rampal’s application in anger. Both Softie Yadav and Bring-loo Yadav walk out of the meeting.

After two decades of deliberation, when Rampal finally got permission to meet the supreme members, a registered letter reached his village. His wife told the postman, “Owing to huge debts, Rampal committed suicide five years ago.”


  1. Too bad, they asked Rampal to Go-pal

  2. Hehehe...pee-pool :D..same fate for lokpal too!

  3. Wonderful satire. Dark but true.
    PS: On reading the title, I first thought that it was going to be a spoof on the acting abilities of a certain Arjun Rampal.

  4. I just loved it!! Damn I should have typed it in caps...Wicked, dark - just right for the buffoons who sit in the parliament and while away their time.

    Kam karr bakwas mut karr!

  5. Good for the humble soul to have left for his heavenly abode of his own will and still a believer. Visiting the Parliament would have shattered his heart as he would have left the world a bitter atheist.

    A hilarious take on the charade that passes for democracy in this land.

  6. Hehehe...loved dis post full of piquant sattire. So true, so brainless our politicians are lolz..

    Good one alka!!


  7. Where do you manage to coin the wonderful names of the worthy members? Softy Singh and Bring-Loo Yadav cracked me up! What an irony that the common man is a nobody in this land. Will things ever change? With Anna taking ill, the movement he started has frittered away, much to the delight of the supreme beings.

  8. This is sooooo amazingly well written Alks...
    I laughed hard on "nasun"...and the names given to them all...ekdum super comedy likhe hain, unfortunately of the sad kind:)

    This should get a thunderous applause in and out of Parliament:-)

  9. @Harish..:)

    @Anna...They are so pathetic that make us cry and laugh at the same time.

    @Snowleopard...Ha, ha...Then it should have been titled...Love to hate you Rampal.

  10. @Purba...they are so thick skinned and the money at stake is in crores so they dont care a damn for such satires or public opinion.


    @Mani...Thanks dear.

  11. @Zephyr...The pollies bring out the worst in me.

    @Suruchi..Thank you Peepool of my Nasun.

    Wish u a very happy New Year Suru...

  12. lol that is what I call good humoured post. Thoroughly enjoyed reading it

  13. Alka,

    I am in dilemma. Whether to laugh at this witty post taking digs at such self important figures or to hang my head in shame at the state of NASUN as brought out by you.

    Take care

  14. sheer brilliance, so creative :P LOVED IT

  15. now this is reall sarcasm :) but had me laughing thank you :)


  16. This is the best political dig of the New Year Alka! A true portrayal of how our system works with the great leaders we elect!

  17. Trust me, this is amongst the best, finest blog post I have ever read.
    Do I have your permission to forward this on Twitter/FB and quote certain portions as ref in my blog???

  18. @Farida...Welcome here Farida. I have read some of your posts. Its a pleasure to see u on my blog.

    @Jack...:)I can understand the dilemma.

    @Maniachunter..:) Tnks

  19. @Bikramjit....I am glad you liked it. Thanks Bikram.

    @Rahul....:) Thank you for reading.

    @BKChowla....Yes sir. Please go ahead. Your appreciation means a lot. Thanks indeed.

  20. Haha! Wicked. Er Purba m'am said it. Cannot find any other perfect word to describe this camouflage post.
    Also I found a spelling error "Peepool", it's "Peepul" for Laloo-u.

  21. Lol....Now this inspires me to watch the debate :D

  22. Makes me laugh, brilliantly written and those names coined are superb..but it also makes me sad looking at the tamashas of our political leaders :(

  23. Brilliant. Made me crack up! Great post!

  24. I presumed the post would be about Arjun Rampal- seeing the title. He has this show on air which is kind of interesting ( yet to watch though ).

    As it turned out, you took up the Lokpal issue after much restraint :)) Was kind of hoping for this since a long time.

    Entertaining :)).Very well researched and integrated. I don't know much about politics of yesteryears- was as indifferent as kids in college normally are- but thanks to you guys, I am coming to know about present day scenario. Its not that boring after all :))

    I personally hated Laloo ji in the course of session- Parliament was not meant to be the place for making jokes when people are reeling from rampant corruption. We also got to know that our MPs have a pathetic work ethic and an utter disregard for our interests.

    Infact, that TV show I talked about- the one that Arjun Rampal hosts- should call up MPs. What do you think ?

  25. love the satire.. lolzzz
    ,nansun ..ha haaaaaaa,9 wives lolzzz CM all of them great!!
    bunch of jokers in the house!
    very cracking post !

  26. Rampal to busted-Pal ! Awesome post :)

  27. @Prateek...whatever he might call us...we have become a pee- pool for them

    @Giri..:)Trust me, it is the best reality show on TV.


  28. @Rachna..:)

    @Mishraaji...I have been watching the show where Arjun invites his celebrity buddies and their hater. It is a very interesting format but the show clearly tilts in the favour of the celebrity and their hater looks like a looser in the end. The show which featured Mahesh Bhatt was a crackler though. Abot politicians on the show is a brilliant idea but the cynicism with pollies is so deep rooted that the hate-o-meter will not budge. If anything the hate quotient might increase in case of Laloo....he is brilliant at the art of dodging questions.

  29. Hi Alka..I really enjoyed this post a lot. You have an awesome (read tongue-in-cheek) style of writing and bringing the characters alive. You should seriously consider writing a novel, don't let the publishing process daunt you as there are several options available to writers nowadays; from small independent publishing houses to self-publishing. All you will require is an external editor to ensure that your book is error free.

  30. I kind of agree with you even without having watched the show. Because the celebrity knows that he is going to face a hater, he is far more organised/prepared in his/her line of tackle while the hater is in disarray. I mean atleast give him some time to gather himself and formulate a line of attack- but they would'nt do that ofcourse, else no celeb would agree with the show next time, right ?

    Mahesh saahab was on some show ? Did'nt know that.

    Yes, the show has to be *fair* of sorts if something constructive has to come out from that.Infact, I believe, the host should be reliable as well- not like Karan Thapar who is far more interested in firing his quota of 250 questions in 30 minutes than letting the guest speak for once. Not Arjun Rampal either who is all for the ooohs and oomphs of his fans rather than discussion moderation. I would prefer Harsha Bhogle, who affords a debate of sorts while keeping track of the time. His shows look good because the guest is as comfortable as the host and are able to express themselves satisfactorily.

    But then, don't know whether this is possible; given the intolerance demonstrated by Sibbal saahab and the will of corporates to sponsor such an enterprise. Idea seems noble though- we had that show back when I was kid: Aap ki Adalat....

  31. Great one.. satire at its best... and where's the CPM cadres... they would have definetly pointed that it he may be an agent of America :P and then someone from RJD would have teared the notion bill :P

    Happy New Year
    Weakest LINK

  32. @TeamGsqare..Thanks.

    @Mishraji.. It is difficult to accept rejection, more so for celebrities whose egoes are inflated. It takes a lot of guts and humility to accept genuine criticism.Arjun Rampal clearly appears to side with the celebrities ans the hater seems overawed.
    Karan is also in a hurry to establish his intellectual superiority. He tries too hard to put the guest in a spot.U r rt. Harsha makes the guest comfortable and the interview breezy.

    @Rachit...Ha, ha the foreign hand...I missed it.

  33. Great one, hillarious comment on present polity

  34. loved the satire Alka .. re-read it and smiling again now ..

    thank you

  35. Lovely satire...hilarious..simply loved it..:-)

  36. excellent!
    great write!

  37. @Sanjay Srivastava....Thank you indeed.

    @Rahul...It means a lot.Thanks.

    @Atul...Glad you liked it.

    @Rinaya...Thanks a ton.

    @man in painting...:) Thanks for spending time here.

  38. out of the nine, which wife conveyed the news? :P

    It is a common thing to see in our nation, justice being delayed. And as elders have put it right, justice delayed is justice denied.

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  39. Brilliant Alka, your sense of "political" humor is remarkable...
    You bind even the most non-enthusiastic reader to complete the read with your eloquent vocab. This case of Rampal hits too close for comfort.

  40. @Lioness..Thanks, your comment means a lot.

  41. Alka, dark humour at its best....Rahimpal bit is rather dark and well timed in the post....

    I liked the names and am sure Behenji's elephants are more comforting than these humans....

  42. Great satire! Damn the unmoved politicians, the aam admi like us will love this fruit..

  43. @Chintan...:) True.

    @Amitaverse...Welcome here. Appreciate your spending time on this post.

  44. Ultimate Satire di.... really! Cldn't have put last weekend of December scenario over Lokpal in a better manner! Loved this post of urs.......

  45. I cannot tell you how much I laughed on it. It is so funnyyyyyyyy.

    You are the best in SATIRE.

  46. @Shagun...Thanks for reading dear.

    @A....welcome back. I am glad I made u smile.