Monday, January 9, 2012

Spare Me Please!

If some people enter your living room uninvited, pakaao you to death, even as you frantically press that remote, what do you do? I flip television channels like a maniac, yet some faces refuse to leave me alone. They haunt me on subsequent channels. Their acts, perfectly choreographed for the sake of television have become my nemesis. And for the sake of my sanity, I sincerely request the following divas and dudes to disappear from my television this year.

Master of Verbosity

Mani Shankar Aiyyar - If ever there was a medal for mastering the art of ruffling feathers and creating controversies, Mr Aiyyar would bag the gold medal. He is disenchanted with his own party, yet defends it with all the intellect and pedagogy at his disposal. Honestly, I am tired of political verbosity. How about a break from NDTV Mr Aiyyar? But then, what will poor Swapan do? What will happen to all the verbal pyrotechnics played on NDTV prime time?

Hollywood Hoaxes

After Anil Kapoor’s two-minute avatar in ‘Mission Impossible’ and Mallika Sherawats blink-and-you-miss presence in the ‘The Myth’, I am not inclined to see any Bollywood star as a glorified extra eulogizing his /her Hollywood arrival on television. Anyway, Mallika has to descend back around New Year, to milk her old item numbers. And then she has the gall to make outrageous comments on television, “My jhatka’s priceless”. Seriously?

Smug Wizard

Ravi Shankar Prasaad - Where does his smug expression come from? Even though he professes respect for the opposition, he wants his opponents to curl up and die! Thank you, Mr Prasad for unleashing the moral lectures on behalf of your party. Since your actions are not in alignment with your righteous words, why not take sanyas from television? After all, how many slanging matches of scoring points can I watch?

Buff Queens

The trio of Poonam Pandey,
Veena Malik and Ms Sawant can go take diving lessons from the cliff where Osama was thrown in the sea. Anyway, since they wear nothing and do nothing, they are giving rise to more dumb wannabes like Pooja Mishra. If the trio needs male company, they can take Himesh Reshamiya along. The guy has guts. And if Himesh promises not to torture me with a new movie this year, the girls can take other inmates of Big Boss.

Unconvincing defender

Chandan Mitra, how about sticking to ‘The Pioneer’? Just because the BJP rewarded you with a Rajya Sabha seat, you defend the indefensible for them. Thank you, but we can see through the cobweb of words which you so passionately love to weave. You would be advised to refrain from proclaiming that ‘Two wrongs make a right’. They don’t.

Indignant Loyalist

Honestly, I love Renuka Chaudhary. She is sooo amusing. She has the knack of conversing with her eyes, her shrugs and her smirks. Yet, I wish she disappears from my television because she trivializes serious debates. And also because I don’t trust her! She is the female Kapil Sibal of UPA – with a lethal beatific smile.

Picture this.
In a prime time debate on Lokpal, Shazia Ilmi of IAC asks Ms Chaudhary about her governments intentions regarding fighting corruption. After some inane punches Ms Chaudhary rolls her eyes, and quips, “Why don’t you fast against dowry deaths and female infanticide?”

How lame? Any connection between dowry deaths and corruption is tenuous at best.
The Incorrigible Diggy

He is either pandering to his vote bank, or playing to a gallery, or indulging in plain sycophancy. His comments on RSS and Anna are like a wretched record, that keeps playing over and over again, except that each time it sounds even more raucous.

I am sick and tired of the bitching fests, sensational comments and slanging matches of scoring points. Words, verbosity and rhetoric have become meaningless for me. Debates have become demoralizing. More so after the Lokpal fiasco. How about a maun vrat for a year? Come back with vengeance in 2013.

Anyway, the world will be over by Dec 12, 2012.


  1. HAHAHA.....These are the best awards I have ever come accross. But you missed a few. The histrionics of Didi. The buffoonery of Laloo. The naivety of Rahul Baba. And Shah Rukh Khan (I don't have words to describe his Ra.One debacle and the lengths he went to, to promote it).
    Let us just wait for the world to end. At least we will be spared of all this.

  2. Alka, How come your list tally's so closely with mine of these sic! souls..:) Some more can always be added to disappear forever!

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. I do not want to see the bunch of old coots who are permanent fixtures in any television debate.

    All of them speaking at the same time, nodding their heads sagaciously. Lets deport them to Timbaktoo please.

  5. :) wonderful list! must have been tough picking out the top 7!!

  6. Perfect titles for the awards and the winners too!!

  7. Alka,your post brought a smile.Most of the people who regularly appear for debates are old hands who get lost in their own verbiage, the cross talk among the participants and often the long interruptions of the moderator.Most are long in wind and short in stuff.I could discern a bias in your selection.You have left out many notable bores and loud mouths with different political affiliations.
    For a change the mdeia can field new moderators instead of the same old faces we see and also choose an entirely new and untried spokesmen from parties and public.

  8. :) perfect awards for perfect people ..
    seriously I am a bit bemused at the bollywood actors making such a hoopla over being in a hollywood movie, there have been actors who have been in hollywood movies os many times and they dont say a word, a tv serial is being made and Irfaan khan is in it working with oscar winning actors..

    and who is this pooja mishra hmm i have to see her yet :)

    world being over in 2012 well i hope not , i have to do a lot of things yes for all these politicians GOD WILLING YES :)


  9. Star-dust Awards; literally. People who can retire twice are running the country. Not giving away their chairs, opening big mouths, pre-screening. What else?

  10. Oh yes, no wonder my television viewing has declined manifold especially news channel viewing and reality television.

  11. @Snow leopard....i missed Sharukh..hopefully he wont pakaoo us this year.


    @Purba...ha, ha..if all of them land in there together...Timbaktoo mein eartquake aa jayega.

  12. @Deepak, 420...Welcome here.:)

    @Magiceye...Yup, wanted to add Vinod Sharma,Laloo, Singhvi,Sharukh, Dolly Bindra too.

    @Poonam....Thanks dear. I knew u would like Rewinding the reel, my earlier post...

  13. @KParthasarthi....Its not the faces which bother me...its just that they all love arguments but shy away from dialogue...they oppose for the sake of opposition.

    @Bikram...Dont bother about Pooja Mishra..she is not worth seeing or listening. (she was an inmate in the BigBoss House this season)

  14. hee hee hee...arnab goswami didnt make it to the list?

  15. Alka,

    Spare them please, they have to earn their living in whatever way be it. As for as Hollywood is concerned, if I am not wrong it was only IS Johar who had substantial role in Harry Black and the Tiger.

    Take care

  16. I agree, we can do much better without these jerks around

  17. Alka..these people do need to give us a BREAK. We are sick and tired of them. Infact, not even 2013, we wouldn't mind never seeing them again in this lifetime.

  18. Lol!!! New ones will keep popping....there seems to be no escape :-)

  19. you seem to be closely watching themm.. few of them I know..renuka chaudhry I like since day one I had seen her.. rest veena maalik..rakhi sawant and others I saw couple of times and their cheap acts specially dances ..they r annoying
    Jhatkhas priceless??
    she mus be kiddin!

  20. @Prateek, Rachna, maniac hunter,

    The argumentative Indian is having a tripping good time on TV.

    @Jack..I was not aware of IS Johar and Hollywood.

  21. @Pest sauce...True.

    @Orchestra of life..Their words speak louder than their actions.Welcome here, on Freebird. Thanks for reading.




  22. Thats why I watch news only for half an hour a day and I completely stay away from reality shows except may be Roadies ;) ;)

  23. Amen and double Amen if it is not considered blasphemy! We have not done so much paap that we have to bear these buffoons and villains. Renuka should seriously look for a break in Bollywood, her histrionics are better than some of the leading ladies we have. And yes, I hate her face on my screen. I feel the same (exactly and to the T) about all these characters and agree that Timbuktoo doesn't deserve such a terrible fate!

  24. People may hold forth, fudge or deflect issues and be smug or inane. Ultimately, they ought not to forget, you have the remote.

  25. Good one. I think you should Vinod Sharma to this list.

  26. Why Kapil Sibbal & Shahrukh Khan were spared?

  27. if nothing else, atleast we should see the end of these people by 2012 ...
    hilarious post :D enjoyed reading :D

  28. You are pissed off for sure :P And in the bout of frustration, you even dug out Himesh :P. I wanted to watch his latest adventure but could'nt, thankfully :)
    So should we readers take it that you don't mind male-Sibbal ? Maybe. For the entertainment he provides :D
    Anil Kapoor :))) I watched MI4 and to be honest, left the theatre in awe of his performance. Leave aside Tom Cruise and leave aside the whole movie. Kapoor was outstanding :P

  29. @Zephyr...Ha, ha)

    @Kayem....Remote is useless..they appear on subsequent channels...these people are all over on TV.
    @Haiharan....I wrote about him but deleted because the post became too long. Vinod Sharma is the unofficial Congress spokesperson.

    @Mr Ayyangar...Sibbal is shying away these days and SRK will hopefully not trouble us this year.

  30. @Rajlakshmi...Thanks for reading dear.

    @Mishraji...Sibal is not the spokesperson so he does not traumatize me daily with his bak-bak. He has been well advised to stay away from TV considering his popularity on social media.

  31. LOL. very true about Diggy and Anil Kapur

  32. Amazing awards!
    I think we should really have you do a couple of political wit shows.. :)
    You are awesome :)

  33. and that's the only reason I hate even switching ON my TV. Instead I look to my lappy for entertainment. And, to my amusement the News TV channels have same group of elite people to discuss on each and every topic. Isn't it funny???

    Weakest LINK

  34. We don't get to see all these here....I don't watch TV when I am in India.

    AB refused to work in Hollywood movies because he did not think role was good enough.

  35. @jaidev...:) Thanks for reading.

    Sakshi..:) Thanks. But how r u dear? attending too many marriages?


    @A...U r blessed.

  36. LOL!!! Where are Kapil Sibal, Laloo and Didi??? The list keeps growing. Thanks to Doomsday, we are definitely spared from these maniacs!

  37. wonder i hardly watch TV anymore :)

  38. An interesting compilation.

    Maybe we could add Arnab to the list :-)

  39. Seriously! Someone should banish all of them from papers and telly for 2012. I was wondering how could you forget our Diggy Raja and right there he was at the bottom. :D

  40. You forgot SRK!!!

    Super sick of watching him with the same goddamn episode of 'Living with a Superstar' being played over and over again on TLC, and his 'chammak challo' on every goddamn channel.

    I think you just gave Mallika Sherawat some fame by mentioning here. So yawn!

  41. so true...I totally avoid the idiot box because of these cartoons...but post Seeya now can we please add her favourite Doraemon to this list too?:-)

  42. Ha...but if they didn't do what they do, who will we make fun of on our Blogs and over Twitter. In a way, they complete us. They are the reason we are here. *Melodramatic music plays in the background*

  43. ha ha :D Good one.. what a comprehensive list!

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